AIBU to not use the baby name we picked because she has used it?

[Elciekay]

So I'll try to be as unemotional about this as possible and this is incredibly outing but I'm genuinely at a loss as what to do.

Also this is my first ever thread and I'm not 100% sure on all the MN acronyms!

I have a step-sister who I lived with since I was aged 6 until 15 (she went to university). Our family consists of my mum, brother, me and my sted-dad and two step-sisters.

DSS is 4 years older than me. She became pregnant last spring/summer. I became pregnant last summer. Her due date was 8 weeks before mine. Both expecting girls.

DSS told my mum she liked the name Josephine. My mum told her Elciekay has chosen that name.

DSS said 'oh well we are going to call her Joey and Elciekay can call hers Josie'

Fast forward to today and DSS has finally told my Mum she named her daughter Josphine (4 weeks old)

I am very upset as I had my heart set on Josephine/Josie.
I am due in 4 weeks.

So my question is, do I use the name anyway or not? Yes we have other options but none feel quite right.

For what it's worth the family get together now between 8-10 times a year.

So:

• AIBU it's a name, who cares if they have the same name?

• YANBU they can't have the same name, pick something else

There are so many beautiful names in the world - particularly ones not considered by your own family members. Try those.

Well I'm more confused and starting to get a tad pissed off at the drip feeds, but I agree with @TheBigWangTheory on how you feel hurt. That's fine, and different.

@Lochroy sorry! I didn't think the actual name was relevant to the situation if I used an example that could be shortened in similar ways.

Do you realise how nasty this post is?

Is it Charlotte? If so, her DD can be Charlie, yours can be Lottie, no problems as they're very different sounding nicknames.

It’s a beautiful name, OP!

That's ok! Just roll with it. So the name's not actually Josephine, but there are two available nicknames, one of which is gender neutral. The principle still stands from my POV.

Ahhh F it.

It's Harriet.
So hers would be Harri/Harry
Mine would be Hattie.

Charlotte, Charlie, Lottie works much better because they are more different.

Charlotte isn't an option btw but agreeing that nicknames are much better as different!

Josephine is a far nicer name

@Eyerollcentral weirdly it's not one we have even considered! But I will definitely be taking it to DP!

Other options are
Matilda (Tilly)
Penny
Florence (Florrie)

And yes I do have a thing for the ie/y endings or names that can be shortened 😅

Go with Josephine 🤣

I'm not that keen on Harriet either

Josephine is a gorgeous name! And Josie is a super cute nickname.

No offence, but I much prefer it to Harriet.

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.

I personally wouldn’t use the name as I’d imagine I’d always been seen as ‘copying’ my step-sister as her daughter is older than yours. I wouldn’t even choose the same name as a friend I only see very occasionally. There are so many beautiful names to choose from. But I care too much about what others think so if it’ll upset you to not use the name you had your heart set on, you should do whatever you like.

Best wishes with deciding and welcoming your daughter.

Still Josephine for the win out of those for me

I just read that it’s Harriet and you’d use the nickname Hattie. I am thinking about using Henrietta. Would something similar be a good compromise?

I'm sorry for your loss and your disrespectful bitchy SS.

I'm also one who wouldn't name my baby after a baby I'd lost.

However, I think Josie and Matilda are lovely names!

All the best for the next few months

Thank you so much to every poster. You have all helped!

I'm much calmer and thinking clearer than I was a couple of hours ago with some new ideas. It has really helped to have everyone's perspectives and opinions.

💝

I'd go for it if you have your heart set on it, I think it was really wrong for your DSS to name her child that, it's fucked up.

My girls name was always Aoibheann, I've had miscarriages knowing it would be Aoibheann if a girl but now I have a daughter of that name I don't think of it as belonging to any of those babies as I didn't know if they were girls or boys so it doesn't feel like I've lost an Aoibheann. It depends how far on you were and whether you knew the gender I suppose, that might change things. I'm so sorry for your loss ❤

@Bensmum1988 unfortunately, Henrietta just doesn't sit right. A friend suggested I just use Hattie and forgo Harriet but I know I'm leaning towards a formal name and then a nickname.

Pick a different name, more so because of your loss. Maybe DSS didn’t think you’d use the name again.
Matilda is lovely, Mattie for short is very similar to Hattie.

Angel baby? 🤔

Matilda can also be Mattie, which is very similar to Hattie. Maybe that would work?

Josie is lovely. I like Flossie as a shortening of Florence.

You say you had a "girl name", was your loss early, so you had both a girl name and a boy name? I would feel differently about using a name if it was just a 'potential' name being considered in early pregnancy.

And re 'Angel baby', I don't like using that term re my miscarriage. For me it feels as though it's a term for a late pregnancy loss or still born, not an early pregnancy miscarriage. I had 2 babies and a miscarriage. I did not have 3 babies. So I can see where @TheBigWangTheory is coming from.