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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 3yo shower naked after swimming

182 replies

Gompurtz · 28/02/2023 14:29

My LO has nursery after swimming so I try to give him a shower immediately afterwards, removing his costume for the last minute or so. Today, a woman informed me that she found it inappropriate and she "wouldn't let her children shower naked". I told her I found it inappropriate that she was sexualising my 3 year old. Long story short, she told me that "known paedophiles" use the pool and she was trying to be helpful.

So, AIBU reasonable to let him shower starkers? It is a communal changing room. Her unsolicited interference advice has made me question whether I should keep his togs on just to be on the safe side.

OP posts:
Chattycatty · 28/02/2023 23:13

I voted YABU but only because you really don't know who is around and getting his/her kicks out of a naked child unfortunately.

Oohhhh · 28/02/2023 23:16

I wouldn't care if he stood next to a naked adult

You do you. You've posted on here and then just kept with your own opinion anyway so not sure why you posted, you obviously didn't really want to know what others would do.

I personally don't see any need at all for my tiny child to be stood next to a grown arse naked stranger....if this is what your post implies!

Original poster
Gompurtz · 01/03/2023 06:56

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 22:51

I don’t understand how keeping his swimmers on is foisting adult concerns on to him. You don’t have to tell him why?

Show quote history

Yes maybe I'm overthinking it and pre-empting that he'll question it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Gompurtz · 01/03/2023 06:58

@Oohhhh thanks for taking the time to comment- I appreciate your insightful contribution. With very warmest regards.

OP posts:
Oohhhh · 01/03/2023 07:38

Gompurtz · 01/03/2023 06:58

@Oohhhh thanks for taking the time to comment- I appreciate your insightful contribution. With very warmest regards.

My point proven with the childish reply. You're only here for the comments of people agreeing with you, even though the voting is clearly in favour of people disagreeing with you.

Original poster
Gompurtz · 01/03/2023 08:07

@Mamoun but neutral- isnt that what you're after? Could it also be considered childish to offer that really original chestnut 'I don't know why you asked blah blah', if an original poster dares contribute to a related debate (in this case letting my child shower next to a 'grown ass adult'- definitely not childish language). There have been some interesting comments and certainly food for thought and I don't think I've been hostile or dismissive of anyone so you've irked me. Still, such is the nature of a public forum.

OP posts:
Oohhhh · 01/03/2023 08:37

@Gompurtz I assume that reply was for me and not the person you tagged?

But I don't think it's childish at all to say I don't want my tiny child showering next to a grown arse naked stranger. I see that as factual versus childish. Also not childish to say not sure why you asked, but yes you do you and I'll do me. Such is the nature of a public forum.

Original poster
Gompurtz · 01/03/2023 08:44

I don't think it's childish not to want that - it's your perogative as a parent. I do think it's childish, or at least a bit lazy, to dismiss my further contributions as 'why have you posted if you don't readily agree to everything anyone says'

OP posts:
SilkenDisorder · 01/03/2023 08:49

We had an awful incident in our local area.

Prolific pedo caught, happened to be the father of a girl in dd’s class. Thankfully we had nothing to do with him, but it transpired he was covertly taking pictures when other 8 year old girls were going round for sleepovers. He was also taking pictures of young naked children at the beach, in the park and in the local swimming pool showers/changing rooms.

He was talking to young girls on TikTok and sharing the photos he took with other paedophiles.

It made me think about my younger dc being naked in public VERY differently.

NewShoes · 01/03/2023 08:51

Not sure I understand what the risk to the child is by showering naked in a place where, presumably, it is totally normal to be naked. Parent is with him and it’s a shared space. I would be happy to let my 4 year old be naked in a shower.

Arebella · 01/03/2023 08:51

I personally wouldn't dream of having mine naked around people. They deserve privacy like we do.

Original poster
Gompurtz · 01/03/2023 10:37

@SilkenDisorder chilling. A few posters have detailed similar situations so perhaps I've been a bit naive. The world is a depressing place eh!?

OP posts:
Arebella · 01/03/2023 10:43

I've never overly thought of it from a paedophile point of view, because myself I have probably been naive to think that wouldn't happen in our swimming baths. But, realistically, where is the easiest place for a dirty paedophile to get a fix..... makes my skin crawl.

FourFour · 01/03/2023 11:04

IWishItCouldBeChristmasEveryday · 28/02/2023 15:06

I agree with her. In an ideal world it should be fine but we don't live in an ideal world and I don't think it's worth the risk.

I agree and besides my child's privacy is most important more than anything. I would stand naked in front of others and my dc deserve the same, regardless of them being children.

SchoolTripDrama · 01/03/2023 11:12

Pleaseaddcaffine · 28/02/2023 14:47

Mine does he's 4 and all the children do but it's a private children's swimming lesson.
I really don't thi k it's a big deal, they play naked in the garden in summer with hospices and paddling pool too.

You let your children play outside whilst NAKED?!?!?! How do you know for certain that none of your neighbours are paedophiles????

SchoolTripDrama · 01/03/2023 11:13

Starlitestarbright · 28/02/2023 15:08

I work at pool its not something I would do we have private showers but people still expose their child in the public ones. Its not fair on other people the child or the poor lifeguards.

This

SchoolTripDrama · 01/03/2023 11:23

Meanwhile in the real world, paedophiles are not just sleazy old men but are people of ALL ages and there's a hell of a lot more of them than people realise. They're also getting savvy with things like glasses with tiny cameras in (heck, you can even get Ray Bans with built in cameras!) and this isn't even paranoia talking this is real world!
Local to me, a leisure centre staff member (who was only 24!!!!) was sent to prison for placing tiny little cameras in family changing rooms & baby changing toilets.

I have no clue why most of these vile stories don't make the national news because if they did, people might be a little more aware of how much of this is going on

ILiveAt64ZooLane · 01/03/2023 11:44

SchoolTripDrama · 01/03/2023 11:12

You let your children play outside whilst NAKED?!?!?! How do you know for certain that none of your neighbours are paedophiles????

Show quote history

It’s perfectly reasonable for a preschool child to be naked in their own garden in the paddling pool in the summer.

Do you know for certain that any of your friends or family aren’t paedophiles? The majority of children are victims of familial abuse with sibling abuse on the increase according to a police officer I know who works on child abuse cases.

Figgygal · 01/03/2023 11:56

I don't allow it with my children after swimming tbh

jannier · 01/03/2023 12:23

KnittedCardi · 28/02/2023 22:14

I'm beginning to think we have a chicken and egg situation here in the UK. The majority ( on MN) think being naked is shameful or disgusting, something forbidden. Could that feed into the thrill of covert observation, the thrill of doing something forbidden. If it isn't an issue in countries where nakedness is normal, perhaps they have it right, and Brits have it wrong.

Have you looked at Peadophilia in Scandinavia, totally wrong to say it does not exist in Scandinavian countries .....maybe think the other way nudity is accepted making it easier to take photos we consider unacceptable

Spiderboy · 01/03/2023 12:25

I wouldn’t be offended by anyone’s naked child but I wouldn’t do it personally as to safeguard my own child.

Mentalpiece · 01/03/2023 12:33

Yes I would, but then it's normal in my home country, adults too.
We also let them run around on the beach starkers.

jannier · 01/03/2023 12:47

I think everyone saying it doesn't happen in Scandinavia etc needs to actually do some reading. Then think about those being the caught cases and that in a country where nudity is the norm and therefore more naked children pictures innocently taken more less innocent photos will slip through.

notthisagainforest · 01/03/2023 19:57

Mentalpiece · 01/03/2023 12:33

Yes I would, but then it's normal in my home country, adults too.
We also let them run around on the beach starkers.

Why would you do that ? I don't get it. Is it because you don't think there are perverts around or do you not care ? Genuine question

DoraSpenlow · 01/03/2023 20:39

ILiveAt64ZooLane · 01/03/2023 11:44

It’s perfectly reasonable for a preschool child to be naked in their own garden in the paddling pool in the summer.

Do you know for certain that any of your friends or family aren’t paedophiles? The majority of children are victims of familial abuse with sibling abuse on the increase according to a police officer I know who works on child abuse cases.

Show quote history

I'm nearing 70 and as kids we were never allowed to run around naked in and out of the old tin bath paddling pool in the garden in the summer because "you never know who is about and looking". And I'm pretty sure Mum would never even heard of the word paedophile