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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 3yo shower naked after swimming

182 replies

Gompurtz · 28/02/2023 14:29

My LO has nursery after swimming so I try to give him a shower immediately afterwards, removing his costume for the last minute or so. Today, a woman informed me that she found it inappropriate and she "wouldn't let her children shower naked". I told her I found it inappropriate that she was sexualising my 3 year old. Long story short, she told me that "known paedophiles" use the pool and she was trying to be helpful.

So, AIBU reasonable to let him shower starkers? It is a communal changing room. Her unsolicited interference advice has made me question whether I should keep his togs on just to be on the safe side.

OP posts:
Housefullofcatsandkids · 28/02/2023 21:14

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 20:55

What’s going to be absolutely up their street though? A child without their swimming suit on.

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I've no idea I don't know any paedophiles, I know plenty of guys who are more turned on by women in underwear rather than naked because it's 'sexier' though so who knows really

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 21:19

Housefullofcatsandkids · 28/02/2023 21:14

I've no idea I don't know any paedophiles, I know plenty of guys who are more turned on by women in underwear rather than naked because it's 'sexier' though so who knows really

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You probably do know at least one paedophile, you may not realise it but it’s statistically likely. Your point is absurd beyond belief.

Housefullofcatsandkids · 28/02/2023 21:33

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 21:19

You probably do know at least one paedophile, you may not realise it but it’s statistically likely. Your point is absurd beyond belief.

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I mean if we're talking statistics your child is more likely to be groomed by a family member who you probably had no issues with seeing your child naked as a baby. They probably changed their nappy. That's the sad fact, paedophiles unfortunately are not lurking around changing rooms waiting to be caught

loveyours · 28/02/2023 21:39

There's the same number of paedos but the ones in the changing rooms just don't have physical access. They're 100% still there

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 21:42

Housefullofcatsandkids · 28/02/2023 21:33

I mean if we're talking statistics your child is more likely to be groomed by a family member who you probably had no issues with seeing your child naked as a baby. They probably changed their nappy. That's the sad fact, paedophiles unfortunately are not lurking around changing rooms waiting to be caught

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Yes they are. We are talking about minimising risk to children. If you know people who have a sexual interest in children might be in the vicinity you take steps to minimise the risk. Not sure what you find controversial about that idea

StarsSand · 28/02/2023 21:47

@Housefullofcatsandkids

Your child is more likely to be groomed by a family member, I agree. But that pedophile family member is likely to also spend time viewing explicit images of children he has never met. Some of which were captured by stealth in public places, like pools.

It's not one or the other. There is a wide spectrum of sexual offences and victims.

Paedophilic behaviour is far more common that people think, and they don't tend to have just one victim and one method of abusing children.

The sensible thing to do is to keep your child's clothes on in public.

Natsku · 28/02/2023 21:53

Alaimo · 28/02/2023 19:44

This. I still chuckle at the thought that my old (UK) gym had a sign outside the sauna saying "appropriate clothes must be worn in the sauna".

I live in Scandinavia now. Saunas are naked. Showering after the gym or any form of exercises is done naked. It felt slightly uneasy at first, but then it started to feel quite liberating. I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin now.

Showers and saunas will also be frequented by parents with small kids, as well as teenagers. I actually think it is good for them to see different body shapes and to have it reinforced that our bodies' strange or unique features are nothing to be embarrassed about.

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Agree its good, more likely to have a healthy body image instead of girls growing up thinking they're supposed to look like women in magazines or heavily filtered instagram posts.

I found it awkward at first too but soon felt comfortable though it still amuses me a bit how its a thing to get together with your friends and get naked and go to sauna.

Lizardonachair · 28/02/2023 21:56

CheeseSquared · 28/02/2023 16:40

Well lizard you could just as easily use the same argument to say we should all swim naked. And I'd really rather not!

No I don't have a problem with seeing another woman or a child having a shower naked after swimming. It's more hygienic you can't clean yourself fully with a costume on. Swimming naked in a swimming pool is a different debate. I used the example of swimming fully clothed to demonstrate that it won't prevent paedophiles. They will still be paedophiles regardless.

Looneytune253 · 28/02/2023 21:59

Would you yourself shower there naked?

It's not appropriate and most pools have signs up saying not to do it.

GooglyEyeballs · 28/02/2023 22:01

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but at the same time I wouldn't have my kids showering naked in front of strangers.

CoQ10 · 28/02/2023 22:03

AnotherSpare · 28/02/2023 15:37

Regardless of there apparently being paedophiles lurking everywhere these days, I think it's important to teach children about privacy around their body.
In a communal shower? Would you be happy for your child to be in that communal shower, stood next to a naked adult man or woman? I wouldn't. But nor would I have a child naked on the beach or anywhere in public. Not just because of the risk of predators but to give the child a sense of privacy and dignity.

Exactly this.

MrsRinaDecker · 28/02/2023 22:10

Did op answer if it was single sex or a mixed sex changing village?

Icecreamandapplepie · 28/02/2023 22:14

Of course it's OK for your 3 year old to shower naked.

But the chances are there are pedophiles who go to the pool (I'm a former teacher with many stories sadly).

It's up to you what you do with that.

Natsku · 28/02/2023 22:14

Looneytune253 · 28/02/2023 21:59

Would you yourself shower there naked?

It's not appropriate and most pools have signs up saying not to do it.

Mine has signs saying you have to.

But even then, a 3 year old child is different to an adult, even if its not appropriate for an adult to shower naked (though it's pretty disgusting that people don't shower properly before going in the pool in the UK) its not such a scandal when it's a small child getting a quick rinse.

Original poster
Gompurtz · 28/02/2023 22:14

He's three- a sense of dignity and privacy aren't high on his agenda! Delights in saying the word bum and telling people (friends and family) that he can wee standing up or about his bowel movements. Yes, I will foster a sense of bodily autonomy and respect for his privacy when the time comes but kids are kids- I want to preserve that for a while longer. I wouldn't care if he stood next to a naked adult, no. If I was there supervising. Why would I?

OP posts:
KnittedCardi · 28/02/2023 22:14

I'm beginning to think we have a chicken and egg situation here in the UK. The majority ( on MN) think being naked is shameful or disgusting, something forbidden. Could that feed into the thrill of covert observation, the thrill of doing something forbidden. If it isn't an issue in countries where nakedness is normal, perhaps they have it right, and Brits have it wrong.

loveyours · 28/02/2023 22:19

He's three- a sense of dignity and privacy aren't high on his agenda!

That's sort of the point, isn't it? Children aren't aware so you protect their dignity for them. They have no awareness of adult concerns. Can easily swim or rinse yourself (yes even your bits) whilst wearing a swimsuit

loveyours · 28/02/2023 22:20

KnittedCardi · 28/02/2023 22:14

I'm beginning to think we have a chicken and egg situation here in the UK. The majority ( on MN) think being naked is shameful or disgusting, something forbidden. Could that feed into the thrill of covert observation, the thrill of doing something forbidden. If it isn't an issue in countries where nakedness is normal, perhaps they have it right, and Brits have it wrong.

We always get the 'scandanavia' argument. Less clothes doesn't equal better. Marine they do have fewer sex offenders. Maybe not.

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 22:20

Gompurtz · 28/02/2023 22:14

He's three- a sense of dignity and privacy aren't high on his agenda! Delights in saying the word bum and telling people (friends and family) that he can wee standing up or about his bowel movements. Yes, I will foster a sense of bodily autonomy and respect for his privacy when the time comes but kids are kids- I want to preserve that for a while longer. I wouldn't care if he stood next to a naked adult, no. If I was there supervising. Why would I?

No but that’s why it’s your job to protect his privacy and dignity. I’ve seen people change children’s nappies in public, sometimes that’s unavoidable. However would you want everyone seeing your naked body in public? I’m not someone who is ashamed of my body but children have a right to dignity and privacy as much as the next adult. That is not the same as making them feel ashamed of nakedness or their body.

ZiriForEver · 28/02/2023 22:27

Central Europe, majority of pools have just male and female sections and everyone showers naked there.

Having one shower at the pool and second at home doesn't sound very ecological.
If the child continues to nursery, it is really better to have fast but full shower.

Original poster
Gompurtz · 28/02/2023 22:29

I want to protect him from growing up too quickly and from having adult concerns foisted on him prematurely. I dont feel that a quick rinse with my supervision robs him of his dignity- if he's not comfortable taking his trunks off then he'll let me know.

OP posts:
CheeseSquared · 28/02/2023 22:37

Just so that take the trunks off and shower with them on. I really don't get why that's tricky. You're adding a step taking them off him as it is!

KnittedCardi · 28/02/2023 22:38

loveyours · 28/02/2023 22:20

We always get the 'scandanavia' argument. Less clothes doesn't equal better. Marine they do have fewer sex offenders. Maybe not.

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It's not just Scandinavia though is it. It's most of Europe, Asia, Africa. Britains and North Americans are the outliers.

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 22:51

Gompurtz · 28/02/2023 22:29

I want to protect him from growing up too quickly and from having adult concerns foisted on him prematurely. I dont feel that a quick rinse with my supervision robs him of his dignity- if he's not comfortable taking his trunks off then he'll let me know.

I don’t understand how keeping his swimmers on is foisting adult concerns on to him. You don’t have to tell him why?

loveyours · 28/02/2023 23:03

It's not just Scandinavia though is it. It's most of Europe, Asia, Africa. Britains and North Americans are the outliers.

I really don't think so. Africa and Asia are particularly religious. You really think Britain is the only place that doesn't have kids standing naked at the pool 😂

We are very liberal here. Look how split the opinions are, so clearly it's not true that we're all just shy and repressed. It's not a unique opinion by any stretch but not dominant either

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