To let my 3yo shower naked after swimming

[Gompurtz]

My LO has nursery after swimming so I try to give him a shower immediately afterwards, removing his costume for the last minute or so. Today, a woman informed me that she found it inappropriate and she "wouldn't let her children shower naked". I told her I found it inappropriate that she was sexualising my 3 year old. Long story short, she told me that "known paedophiles" use the pool and she was trying to be helpful.

So, AIBU reasonable to let him shower starkers? It is a communal changing room. Her unsolicited interference advice has made me question whether I should keep his togs on just to be on the safe side.

Is it a womens changing room ? I see no issue at all if it is

Regardless of there apparently being paedophiles lurking everywhere these days, I think it's important to teach children about privacy around their body.
In a communal shower? Would you be happy for your child to be in that communal shower, stood next to a naked adult man or woman? I wouldn't. But nor would I have a child naked on the beach or anywhere in public. Not just because of the risk of predators but to give the child a sense of privacy and dignity.

Yes, I understand, but that doesn't change my view.

You can't allow your life to be dictated by the fear that a paedophile might be lurking around any corner.

Sure, they might (I work in safeguarding and am not naive to this, at all). But the child is with their parent and they are not going to be in danger at any time. There is zero risk to the child, and an alert parent will notice any odd behaviour very quickly.

I would not concern myself with it, partly on principle. I'd hate to go through life with a worry in my mind that someone might be getting off on seeing my child doing normal activities at a swimming pool.

If I actually saw someone behaving oddly, of course I'd cover them up and consider confronting/ reporting that person. But I wouldn't go around assuming that it's going to be an issue or changing my behaviour pre-emptively. I just think that's miserable.

I wouldn’t. I find it weird when people shower their kids naked in a communal shower. Why can’t you wait til you get home?

I personally wouldn't in communal mixed sex changing rooms. I don't think that is her or you sexualising your child, but recognising that sadly there are others who may be there that will do so quietly and that may make things more unsafe for your child than they need to be especially if you use the same pool regularly. 3 is about an age where I'd be trying to teach them that private bits are private and stay covered especially in places where other people are around. Not because of sexualising him but purely recognising that the world is sadly not the safe place we wish it was for our children. I wouldn't have said anything to a stranger but I think her intentions were to safeguard your son and she isn't wrong in what she said. If there were private showers with curtains or it was a female only shower area I'd have been less wary.

I personally wouldn't remove the swim clothes in a communal changing area in the U.K., because people are weird here about bodies. I do much prefer the German approach, people swam naked in the pool no issue at all

Mine used to swim at a local leisure centre. Mixed changing.
If there was a free cubicle, they showered in there and stripped.
If they could only shower in the communal ones then no, they kept costumes on (I'd roll my DD's down to her waist)
She didn't make her point very well (pearl clutching at known peadophiles) but she's not sexualizing your kids. Why would you want strangers to see your child's genitalia?
Just shower them properly at home afterwards

I wouldn't.

They learn the "pants" rule at school when they start - so i think public places like a swimming pool is a good place to cover up.

Why take the trunks off to shower? Surely you can shower with them on.

I definitely wouldn’t allow my child to shower naked. A leisure centre fairly close to us had a man who was videoing under changing rooms. When he got caught the police found thousands of indecent photos of children on his computer along with other things.

Nothing offensive about it, he’s a baby. But I wouldn’t do it with my kids and she may well know there has been peodophiles there in which case, no. They would not be looking at my child like that. Those saying in other countries it’s different, I’d also probably feel different where it’s the ‘norm’, maybe it wouldn’t attract as many weirdos? Who knows!

In communal women's showers I think fine - in public mixed showers I wouldn't.

I wouldn't. Not in any communal showers. It goes against the general message of 'private parts are private and we don't show them to strangers.'

I would probably feel different if you lived in a country with different attitudes to nudity and sexuality, and that had low crime rates.

Agree with this. People in the UK seem to have this view that there are p*dos everywhere, there isn't.

Kids should be perfectly safe showering with a parent present at the pool. It's likely to be a quick shower, not a long drawn out thing, and people need to keep to their own business. The child is 3!

@thymee
I actually think working in safeguarding helps. People I know who do seem to have a more balanced view.

Friends I have who don't, seems to be petrified of everything when it comes to their kids. I'm glad I don't have to live like that, I want to balance freedom and safety sensibly and not be over run by one or the other!

I agree.

It's a similar logic as people who refuse to go to big cities because they're scared of terrorist attacks etc. I know a few people like this.

You can't let criminals rule your daily life.

Go about your life, and if you see something weird/ abnormal, then you respond to it.

It's a very sad state of affairs if a toddler can't be naked around a swimming pool.

If its single sex showers then I have no problem with it, it's normal where I live and we sit in the sauna naked and chat to the other women and it's all comfortable but obviously not if it was mixed sex and I worry about my son going into the men's side when he's too old to come with me in the women's (but don't worry if he's with his dad)

Presumably you will be / are telling your child about their private body parts and that others don't touch there. If so why would you want your child to be naked in front of strangers. Your child is very young. Is there an age that you will decide they shouldn't shower naked ? How would you feel if a much older child or adult woman decided that ,as you are clearly happy with nudity, they will shower naked too. I have never showered naked in a communal area and I have never seen anyone else do it.

Is the shower exposed to passers by who may be paedophiles? They are sadly not unusual, and places where children are naked attract them.

If it's a poolside shower, or in a mixed sex area, then it may well be.

I wouldn't be comfortable with it

I'd also be teaching my dc to understand the pants rule and privacy at 3. Stripping him off in public undermines that.

This.

I think it's a shame that we have to cover a naked child up but this is the real world where there are people that unfortunately sexualize children, no matter their age. There are babies that are sexually abused to acting as if that doesn't happen is being a bit naive.

It's not something I would do. I prefer to keep my childrens' private parts private.

It's absolutely fine. Do people really think that a child wearing swimming shorts will stop a paedophile becoming aroused? Maybe we should all go in the swimming pool fully clothed to make the thoughts stop.

I think it's as much about them learning that "privates are private." That we don't show people our privates/let people touch etc as they learn with the PANTS rule (and I'm singing the pantasaurus tune in my head now 🤣.)

She isn't necessarily wrong.

Some years ago, through a safeguarding capacity, I found out that there was a children's class (think gym type, so one having strip down to pants level of changing) at a leisure centre. A lot of the parents of the younger end started waiting in the café, and used to change their children while they were waiting there. I have on reasonable authority that a certain nasty subsection of society started to regularly "just happening" to be having a drink there at the relevant times.

Now did they harm the children? Not at all. I don't believe any of them even made any attempt to communicate with parents or child.
Would I want my child being leered at by one of those people? No.

Well lizard you could just as easily use the same argument to say we should all swim naked. And I'd really rather not!

There isn't anything wrong with it but I would not allow or advise my children to do it.

We should all be able to walk around naked without a care in the world but unfortunately that would not work in today's society and in British culture for many reasons.