To let my 3yo shower naked after swimming

[Gompurtz]

My LO has nursery after swimming so I try to give him a shower immediately afterwards, removing his costume for the last minute or so. Today, a woman informed me that she found it inappropriate and she "wouldn't let her children shower naked". I told her I found it inappropriate that she was sexualising my 3 year old. Long story short, she told me that "known paedophiles" use the pool and she was trying to be helpful.

So, AIBU reasonable to let him shower starkers? It is a communal changing room. Her unsolicited interference advice has made me question whether I should keep his togs on just to be on the safe side.

I know, it's bonkers. There's nothing wrong at all with a quick wash under the shower without a costume on. You can still teach bodily autonomy and privacy while also teaching them to be relaxed about appropriate nakedness.

And to PP who are horrorstruck at the idea of an adult showering naked in the same showers, I don't see an issue with that either. There's plenty of space between showers, and washing is a normal function. Nudist camps seem to function perfectly well with both adults and children present. A quick rinse down after being in a chlorinated pool is fine.

Paedophiles are always a concern but the chances are that in the showers they'd stick out a mile. They'd be far more likely to be in the pool or at the beach watching the children in swimsuits because it would be far easier to observe a child there without getting caught - they can just melt into the crowds etc. You don't have that option in the showers - and any "excitement" might be kind of obvious 🤢 So what's the answer? Don't allow children to wear swimsuits? Of course not. Just be vigilant and report anyone acting suspiciously.

How on earth is she 'sexualising' your child? She was giving you sound advice as far as I can see.

British prudishness at its best.

My 4yo girl has to wear a swimsuit with a top. Apparently your sons private bits and my daughter’s nipples are a threat to public decency. People might swoon.

@Johnisafckface

I get it. Unfortunately I see the 'other side' of things alot (not just this) but I'm actually thankful as it gives me a better picture than what the news tells me.

I just find it sad everyone is so worried about something that is rare. Having a neighbour or friend, or uncle over, allowing your child to be part of a hobby/club could potentially be more risky than a stranger at the pool, if the actual statistics of things like this were listened to, and again it would be sad if we were all too scared to do any of that too!

I agree that it doesn't sound like the woman was offended. She might know something about someone entering the communal area, or she might just be putting her 2 pence worth in.

At 3, we were teaching our son about his private parts are exactly that...private. so we went into a private shower area if he was going to be showering naked.

@twitterexile because she said it was inappropriate. I'm not for a second suggesting that she was thinking anything untoward but how else would it be considered inappropriate?

My kids are in their 30s. It was absolutely normal for kids to run around naked in the beach etc, when they were toddlers.

There's a new puritanism that's hit the UK at some point since the '80s.

Then I guess you've not been paying much attention because it's pretty common along the Med and certainly in Germany and Scandinavia.

but some people are aroused by all sorts. school uniforms for example. you can’t live your life avoiding everything that some weirdo might get off watching.

Your children playing naked with hospices is the most inappropriate part of this thread

It would be fine where I come from, but Britain is very prudish. He can just wash most of his body with his trunks on, can't he?

I wouldn't let my 3 year old be naked in public. It's unnecessary. Swill the chlorine off them then they can bathe properly at home.

I wouldn't let my son, purely because of my line of work. I'm a probation officer and have worked with sex offenders for the last 10 years. I am aware of way too many cases of offences taking place within this context, or peadophiles often attending swimming pools for gratification. It's incredibly sad that we even have to think about these things but for me, it's just not worth the risk.

I agree.

It is sad. And to a pp, in Italy all the small children are showered naked in the communal beach showers. Sand in your bits is not a good thing. The bottoms get removed, the children thoroughly rinsed, and the swim bottoms hung to dry. You can then put on clean and dry replacements. Little girls only wear swim bottoms well up to 9/10 years old. It is natural and normal.

This. I still chuckle at the thought that my old (UK) gym had a sign outside the sauna saying "appropriate clothes must be worn in the sauna".

I live in Scandinavia now. Saunas are naked. Showering after the gym or any form of exercises is done naked. It felt slightly uneasy at first, but then it started to feel quite liberating. I definitely feel more comfortable in my own skin now.

Showers and saunas will also be frequented by parents with small kids, as well as teenagers. I actually think it is good for them to see different body shapes and to have it reinforced that our bodies' strange or unique features are nothing to be embarrassed about.

My local council swimming pool has had several cases of paedophiles using the pool and hanging around the changing village arrangement. Some of the people caught have been well known professionals, in one case it was a local medical professional.
Sadly, I would agree with this woman and wouldn't want him to be naked in public

This comments thread is all a bit Brass Eye isn’t it? OP, it would never have occurred to me that there was anything inappropriate or risky in what you’re doing. You’re supervising him at all times, it’s okay. And much easier to shower them properly while they’re there rather than leave them with potential chlorine irritation around their bits and/or having to strip them and shower them AGAIN at home.

I work in early years and we remind the children that their bodies are private for them and when getting changed we do so in the privacy of the toilet cubicle when in nursery and not in the middle of the room or the toilets.

it’s all about safeguarding and making our little ones aware of their own body privacy.

It hasn’t really been my experience in the UK or abroad that people are not letting under 3s be naked in a public space. Over the summer I’ve been in various parks in London (with water features for children to play in) and the majority of the toddlers were naked at some point (mine included). On holidays in mainland Europe most are naked at the beach or swimming pool at some point (as was I as a child). I can’t comment on the UK now as we don’t tend to do beach holidays here.

I’m not aware that the UK has a higher percentage of paedophiles than mainland Europe, or that it’s more common in the uk for strangers to physically abuse a child. As a PP said, this abuse is much more common from a friend or family member. We have no idea what people’s sexual predications are and as such can’t stop it. We can only limit the risk and probability of it happening. I deem it low for my child to shower naked in a public place, but others will differ.

She was just looking out for you and your little one OP and I would not allow my child to be naked in a public shower either.

Why don't you just keep his shorts on. Seriously no child should be naked in public. There are too many pervert out there. Why take the chance. Hidden cameras have been found at swimming pools aswell. You can't be too careful with your kids. Protect them. They can't do it for themselves.

Exactly this. It is safeguarding. Pity parents just don't realise the dangers

I feel bad for the woman she was just trying to protect him 😔 I dont see why you can't see that I'm sorry but I totally agree with her.

You just don't NEED to be naked in a public pool. The showers are to wash off chlorine, you need to still go home and wash.

I saw a woman last summer strip her toddler by the side of the outdoor pool- it was packed with people. Just why? Yea, it's your choice but it's so unnecessary. Nobody wants to see it, if nothing else.

The woman in this case was not even critical of you whatsoever, she was concerned and wanted to let you know that there are crazies round.