Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 3yo shower naked after swimming

182 replies

Gompurtz · 28/02/2023 14:29

My LO has nursery after swimming so I try to give him a shower immediately afterwards, removing his costume for the last minute or so. Today, a woman informed me that she found it inappropriate and she "wouldn't let her children shower naked". I told her I found it inappropriate that she was sexualising my 3 year old. Long story short, she told me that "known paedophiles" use the pool and she was trying to be helpful.

So, AIBU reasonable to let him shower starkers? It is a communal changing room. Her unsolicited interference advice has made me question whether I should keep his togs on just to be on the safe side.

OP posts:
Lacey247 · 28/02/2023 16:46

Oohhhh · 28/02/2023 14:43

I wouldnt let mine. Their bits don't need to be on show for everyone to see. I dont see that as sexualising, I see it as I wouldnt want anyone seeing my child's private parts at all.

i share this view. I cringe when I see small children completely naked on the beach and would never allow my toddler to be naked in public

DOBARDAN · 28/02/2023 16:47

I wouldn’t feel comfortable with having any child of any age stripping off completely for a shower, even in a women’s communal changing area. Paedophiles can pose as women and gain access to female changing areas, so although there is nothing to be ashamed of, it is best to keep your body covered up. We shouldn’t have to live like this, but here we are.

ffsnotagainandagain · 28/02/2023 17:04

My kids have swimming lessons in public pools and I don't let them go naked in the shower, they can still wash in their swimsuits. It's only what I feel comfortable with. I see others let their go naked and that is up to them but we don't live in a perfect world

ILiveAt64ZooLane · 28/02/2023 17:11

The woman having a word with the OP in the first place, is there something wrong with her? If you had it on good authority that ’known paedophiles’ used your local pool surely you’d avoid the place at all costs.

SalmonSandwiches · 28/02/2023 17:25

Depends on the set up tbh.
I think under 6ish in the women's changing (or men's if he is with his dad!) Is okay. Then I think it needs to stop in the women's (because it may make some girls uncomfortable!), then obviously at 8 he would be in the men's regardless of whether he is with you/ his father. I imagine he'll want to keep his costume on then as very few strip naked to shower after!

Workinghardeveryday · 28/02/2023 17:28

It is so sad, there are so many pervs out there.

No way I would have had let any of mine shower naked in public!

Kranke · 28/02/2023 17:33

Snoken · 28/02/2023 15:31

They will do that regardless if they are that sick. It’s kind of like women hiding their hair so that men don’t lose all control of their urges, I don’t agree with that either.

Show quote history

I agree. And those with foot fetishes getting aroused by flip flops and sandals in the summer. What are you supposed to do, wear a full suit of armour?!

Aworldofmyown · 28/02/2023 17:35

I'm astonished that so many people think a toddler can't shower after swimming without covering up, so very sad.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 28/02/2023 17:38

I don’t, no. Local pool has poolside mixed showers

MrsRinaDecker · 28/02/2023 17:39

I think women’s changing versus mixed makes a massive difference here. Our local pool used to have mixed changing areas and the showers faced the main pool and were visible from the viewing area - in that situation definitely not. But the fancy health club with separate ladies and gents in an enclosed area, much less of a problem, and even many adults showered nude.

KnittedCardi · 28/02/2023 17:43

Can someone explain to me why this attitude has taken hold in the UK? In pretty much every other country in the world small children run around naked in pools, on beaches, even in their communities. In some, the adults are happy to be uncovered too. What made the British so...... exceptional?

AnnaKorine · 28/02/2023 17:46

3 year old DS always showers naked after swimming, DD didn’t want to from
a fairly young age. Whatever they are comfortable with. Wouldn’t occur to me it’s even an issue at that age, we are not in UK though and nudity is generally more tolerated e.g saunas.

AaaaaandBreathe · 28/02/2023 17:54

MargaretThursday · 28/02/2023 16:40

She isn't necessarily wrong.

Some years ago, through a safeguarding capacity, I found out that there was a children's class (think gym type, so one having strip down to pants level of changing) at a leisure centre. A lot of the parents of the younger end started waiting in the café, and used to change their children while they were waiting there. I have on reasonable authority that a certain nasty subsection of society started to regularly "just happening" to be having a drink there at the relevant times.

Now did they harm the children? Not at all. I don't believe any of them even made any attempt to communicate with parents or child.
Would I want my child being leered at by one of those people? No.

I agree. I wouldn't be worried anyone would harm my child (as I would be there) but the thought of anyone having disgusting thoughts about them turns my stomach.

Private parts are supposed to be private, children should be taught this. You have no idea how many bad people are out there and many never get found out because people are scared to report.

You also have no idea how your child is going to feel about this in the future because at the moment they have no say and no understanding of the risks.

BungleandGeorge · 28/02/2023 17:56

KnittedCardi · 28/02/2023 17:43

Can someone explain to me why this attitude has taken hold in the UK? In pretty much every other country in the world small children run around naked in pools, on beaches, even in their communities. In some, the adults are happy to be uncovered too. What made the British so...... exceptional?

It’s not the norm in ‘pretty much’ every country I’ve been to! Can’t remember ever seeing a child swimming naked in Europe or beyond

Blendiful · 28/02/2023 17:58

@Johnisafckface

It's not that it doesn't happen but no matter what the media would like people to believe it is actually quite rare for children to be abused by strangers. It is much much more likely to be someone they know, so unless people never let their children out of their site I don't think showering a 3 year old quickly by the pool is likely to lead to abuse or local paedophiles being aroused. It 'could' happen but it is unlikely.

SleepingStandingUp · 28/02/2023 18:00

Well you'd hope she'd be telling every single parent who takes their kid there regardless of nakedness. Swimming clothes are hardly big cover, surely all the paedophile she knows who are there would get off on that too so next week, suggest she helps you organise a boycott from parents 🙄

Blendiful · 28/02/2023 18:03

KnittedCardi · 28/02/2023 17:43

Can someone explain to me why this attitude has taken hold in the UK? In pretty much every other country in the world small children run around naked in pools, on beaches, even in their communities. In some, the adults are happy to be uncovered too. What made the British so...... exceptional?

I think it's largely the media scaremongering and British people seem to latch onto this more. Not sure if we have an inherent ability to latch onto all the bad and blow it out of proportion.

It's sad, and why we are raising so many kids unable to do anything as no one lets their kids out of their sight for fear now. Despite these events still being fairly rare.
I am not saying they don't happen; but they aren't a common occurrence in the circumstances described. One case of something happening and it becomes what people think is the norm and everyone is ruled by fear. It's sad.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/02/2023 18:05

‘showers - but probably single sex, and I'd assume you were in the women's area with your 3yo child? So this other woman is claiming that "known paedophiles" are in the women's showers, at the same time, ‘

‘Women ‘ includes anyone who says they are a woman now, so the single sex, Or woman’s space is not necessarily a safe area. Just Google YMCA changing rooms.

itsgettingweird · 28/02/2023 18:11

Well now does she know they are peadophiles?

How often do we see lynch mobs assuming a sex offender lives somewhere - driving them out and turns out they were wrong.

It's a 3yo. They are usually naked in all sorts of public places where water is involved.

I think what you consider ok is fine. They are just showering.

MaryJean87 · 28/02/2023 18:12

It should be OK. But it's not. I wouldn't let my children be naked in public. It's not only about paedophiles, it's about teaching them that privates are private and what is acceptable and what isn't as they get older. I wouldn't personally take offence to a naked 3 year old but I can see how some people would and it's not worth the risk of who else could be watching. I was made to change on the beach as a kid and I remember being embarrassed so I would not subject my child to that. Your child is a person who is entitled to privacy and dignity.

ILiveAt64ZooLane · 28/02/2023 18:13

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/02/2023 18:05

‘showers - but probably single sex, and I'd assume you were in the women's area with your 3yo child? So this other woman is claiming that "known paedophiles" are in the women's showers, at the same time, ‘

‘Women ‘ includes anyone who says they are a woman now, so the single sex, Or woman’s space is not necessarily a safe area. Just Google YMCA changing rooms.

It took 3.5 hours for someone to bring this up.
I’d be more concerned about the woman speaking to the OP, why’s she even watching the OP and her child?

Paturday · 28/02/2023 18:14

Yeah I mean, I wouldn’t shower naked in public so why should my kid? I don’t want other people seeing my children naked, but even aside from that, see my first point. A shower through trunks will do the job, assuming there are no cubicle showers.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/02/2023 18:18

Single sex and robustly enforced - no problem, this is just a baby. Less keen when they're 6-7 years old.

Mixed or worse still 'Use whatever changing area you feel most comfortable in because we're inclusive of paedophiles here' - no fucking way.

purpledalmation · 28/02/2023 18:25

I wouldn't do this if it's mixed showers like our pool. It's no big deal to remove the shorts in the changing room.

Johnisafckface · 28/02/2023 18:36

Blendiful · 28/02/2023 17:58

@Johnisafckface

It's not that it doesn't happen but no matter what the media would like people to believe it is actually quite rare for children to be abused by strangers. It is much much more likely to be someone they know, so unless people never let their children out of their site I don't think showering a 3 year old quickly by the pool is likely to lead to abuse or local paedophiles being aroused. It 'could' happen but it is unlikely.

Very true. I guess I worry too much about pervs gawking at kids in a sexual way. So thanks for that perspective, sometimes its hard to see the other side of things. 😊