To let my 3yo shower naked after swimming

[Gompurtz]

My LO has nursery after swimming so I try to give him a shower immediately afterwards, removing his costume for the last minute or so. Today, a woman informed me that she found it inappropriate and she "wouldn't let her children shower naked". I told her I found it inappropriate that she was sexualising my 3 year old. Long story short, she told me that "known paedophiles" use the pool and she was trying to be helpful.

So, AIBU reasonable to let him shower starkers? It is a communal changing room. Her unsolicited interference advice has made me question whether I should keep his togs on just to be on the safe side.

I agree with you. It’s weird and prudish. My DD is embarrassed now to be naked but at that age she would’ve been naked on beaches etc

let’s say someone’s a paedo. Where would they go to perve? Swimming pool obvious place. I’d shower 3yo in trunks or private cubicle.

There's a new puritanism that's hit the UK at some point since the '80s.

Suggesting to put a nappy or pants on a child isn't puritanical unless the meaning has changed recently

@bumgripes am inclined to agree with you on the Brass Eye front after the last few posts!

I personally wouldn’t do it due to worrying about any potential weirdos leering however I wouldn’t bat an eye or comment if someone else was showering a child naked. It’s your child and if your comfortable with it then that’s what matters, some people have too much to say for themselves at times unfortunately

This is true. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 3 year old being showered naked. I certainly wouldn't comment like that lady did.

Well leisure centre managers are one of the few people in the community to have the details of local high risk sexual offenders ( other than police, schools etc) so there is obviously a reason for this! I personally wouldn't allow my child to be naked in a communal shower, in an ideal world we shouldn't have to think this way but we don't live in an ideal world.

I think some people are a bit naive, it should be fine of course but what if some weirdo staff member has set up a camera on the showers or generally some pedo walking around. Then you’re risking images of your child in the wrong hands.
Shouldn’t be a thing to worry about, it absolutely is though and not something I would do with my kids.

There was a thread on here recently about this same same theoretically. And it was 50/50 split if kids should or shouldn’t. But why risk exploitation if you don’t have to?

What?!! If a weirdo staff member sets up cameras in the shower, they’re hardly going to do it in a public one where everyone can see - what’s the point?! They’d do it in the cubicles, private showers etc. If people had this type of worry all the time, they would never leave the house!!

I dont understand why parents think other people dont mind having to see your child's genitals.Would you be okay if they got out their fanjo /todger? No ?
theen keep yours and your kids under wraps!

This is how I would feel honestly.

I wouldn't be bothered, hes only 3!!, but reading things on mumsnet does make me start to get paranoid! (And it's hard to know if that's a good or bad thing)

I dont get why you are normalising taking pants off in public tbh!

There have been many, many convictions of people filming in public toilets and changing rooms. Don’t underestimate the cunning and determination of pervs.

Is this in the changing room or the side of the pool?

Same

@eyerollcentral but by that logic, children (and adults!) shouldn't be using toilets or changing rooms because nutters might be filming them. Probably shouldn't be leaving the house.

They could still leer at a child in a tight, wet costume or trunks no? Not being flippant but if you really are concerned about paedophiles noticing your children then presumably you don't take them swimming with the general public

My brother worked at a pool during uni- he said the police were called on an almost daily basis due to people stealth filming, masturbating in change rooms and other such behaviour. The majority of it was targeting children. It's generally subtle and unless you are looking for it, most of it goes unnoticed. My brothers pool had someone whose job it was to spot it during peak times. It's incredibly common.

I would never have my children naked in public.

You were very rude to that woman who was just trying to protect your child.

Even if the risk doesn't bother you, she's not 'sexualising' your child to warn you. Do you usually react with such hostility to strangers?

There is a market for photos of naked children. Having your children naked makes them much more vulnerable than being in their swimming clothes.

Listen, take the risk if it doesn't bother you- but it's real.

You've lived a sheltered life if you think otherwise.

I really don't see the issue here. So many people saying they wouldn't take the risk, the risk of what? Like it or not if there are paedophiles around they're looking at your kids whether they've got clothes on or not. They will be looking at them in trunks or swimming costumes as well. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if a small child was naked in the changing rooms or on the beach etc. I've been to many swimming pools abroad where young children don't wear swimming costumes at all tbh.

I was just replying to a post that said it’s hardly likely to happen. It does happen. No you don’t need to stay locked in the house with the children in straight jackets under 24 hour armed guard, but we all take decisions every day to minimise risk in our lives. Undoubtedly there is a reasonably low risk in a public place but it’s staggeringly naive to think there is none. The woman at the pool may be OTT as I said earlier or she may simply have been trying to give you the benefit of her knowledge about the environment to allow you assess the risk. You appear to have taken that concerned comment as a personal insult. I can only say I was a keen swimmer for years as child and teen and never ever was in a shower in a swimming pool without my swimsuit on, neither was any one else. It’s more of a faff to take the child’s trunks off in the shower apart from anything else.

Yep, I'd be totally fine with adults stripping off to shower. It's a completely normal thing to do.

As a number of PP have mentioned, in Scandinavia and other European countries it's perfectly normal for children and adults to shower, have a sauna etc naked. They don't seem to have this obsession that someone might possibly be spying on them all of the time.

Acceptance of the human body as perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed or hidden away is a good idea imo. I think it's a healthy attitude to teach to children and reinforces rather than contradicts bodily autonomy.

There are numerous situations where there could be a pervert lurking. It's ridiculous to live in fear of the very remote possibility that it MIGHT happen. A quick rinse down at the shower is very, very, very unlikely to be captured by a hidden camera. The risk is miniscule. The risk from paedophiles is far greater elsewhere. The trouble is that these very rare cases hit the headlines and everyone panics.

What’s going to be absolutely up their street though? A child without their swimming suit on.

I wouldn’t, mainly because I want DC to learn that private parts are private, and give them the same dignity I give myself. The idea of not knowing who is looking would also bother me.

Our local pool has signs up asking that everyone keep swimwear on in the showers.