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AIBU?

To be too embarrassed to face friend after DH’s road rage

286 replies

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:28

My husband was driving to my mum’s yesterday and on the journey I saw my work friend in front driving 35 in a 40 and my husband thought it would be appropriate to tailgate and keep revving the engine up her arse whilst beeping the horn and swearing. She was sticking fingers up back and then she locked eyes with me when he ripped round her when he was able to.

I’ve never felt so humiliated and embarrassed!! I want the ground to swallow me up! I already suffer with social anxiety as it is and I’m fuming at my DH for behaving this way and I can’t face her on Thursday when I see her at work!

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MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 02:30

There are two issues here. One is your work friend. Just walk right up and apologise. You shouldn't have to but it will help.

The sound is your dangerous wanker of a husband. He endangered you and other people. I assume it's not the first time. Why are you with him?

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EllaB22 · 28/02/2023 02:31

Oh goodness, is this out of character for your DH?

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JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:36

Not really out of character no. He gets angry at slow drivers. He’s embarrassed me that much I haven’t spoken to him all day

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redtshirt50 · 28/02/2023 02:39

Did he know it was your work friend?

Did you ask him to stop?

Not that those questions really matter because it's terrible behaviour anyway. But if he knew and you asked him to stop and he ignored you that makes it even worse.

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redtshirt50 · 28/02/2023 02:40

But for your friend, just say sorry my husband is a real dick

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JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:42

They have met once but he didn’t care because in the moment he doesn’t care who it is.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 02:45

If it's just in the car, and he's reasonable out of the car, can you insist on driving?

If he's like this out of the car ad isn't reasonable, really there's only one choice.

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Topseyt123 · 28/02/2023 02:58

He sounds like a very dangerous driver, and a total arse. I'd be telling him that, and wouldn't be too keen to get in a car he was driving again.

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skilpadde · 28/02/2023 02:58

So when he's aggressively tailgating, revving, beeping and swearing, while you're in the car with him, what do you do?

Do you tell him to pack it in and stop being a dick, or you'll insist on driving next time? Or that you won't travel with him at all?

Or do you passively make excuses for it as not that bad, he's only a dick when he's driving?

Was it only a problem when it turned out to be someone you know? How many people's days does he ruin with his behaviour?

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TessoftheDubonnet · 28/02/2023 03:02

2 things come to mind:

This kind of behaviour is an indicator of a very serious character flaw.

Why do you let him get away with shit like this?

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JaimieP · 28/02/2023 03:02

@skilpadde I was telling him to stop and we had a brief row before having to leave it because we arrived at my mums.

He’s more of a dick when he’s driving than anything else but he can certainly be a complete arse in everyday life at times.

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Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 03:03

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:42

They have met once but he didn’t care because in the moment he doesn’t care who it is.

I would not travel in a car ever with a prick like this and I mean that. What a total arsehole. Did you tell him that’s my colleague? Honestly don’t know how women stay with men like this. Total w@nker.

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Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 03:05

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 03:02

@skilpadde I was telling him to stop and we had a brief row before having to leave it because we arrived at my mums.

He’s more of a dick when he’s driving than anything else but he can certainly be a complete arse in everyday life at times.

I wouldn’t have left it. I’d have told him to get the f out of my face and that I’d be back when I was back. Truly and absolutely disgusting behaviour. Let me guess, it’s mostly women drivers he targets. I also would have told my mum why I’d told him to F off. Why are you covering up for his bad behaviour?

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Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:07

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

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Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 03:09

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:07

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

Seriously? Do you tailgate them and rev the engine? If so fyi you are a total w@nker. I hate slow drivers myself, but I don’t try to intimidate people on the road and I absolutely despise people who do.

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skilpadde · 28/02/2023 03:13

I guess I'm just wondering just how many people (like Eyerollcentral suggested, mostly women, yeah?) he's targeted, who may go into work or home saying "I had the most awful journey..." and you've normalised his behaviour enough to turn a blind eye to the effect he's having on people.

And now that it's happened to someone you know, you're feeling acute embarrassment. And that's a really normal reaction. Because as she's now relaying how unpleasant her drive was, maybe to colleagues, you're now associated with it.

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Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:16

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 03:09

Seriously? Do you tailgate them and rev the engine? If so fyi you are a total w@nker. I hate slow drivers myself, but I don’t try to intimidate people on the road and I absolutely despise people who do.

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It depends. I wouldn't do it for a 35 in a 40. But I might do it for a 30 in a 50. I probably wouldn't tailgate, because if they can't drive at 50mph, they're going to be unpredictable and probably poor drivers.
That woman knew someone was frustrated behind her, was capable of driving while giving the finger, but couldn't go 4 miles faster? She just did it to wind him up.

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skilpadde · 28/02/2023 03:19

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:07

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

A speed limit is a limit, not a target. It's reasonable to drive according to road and weather conditions. Just because you're on a single-carriage road doesn't mean that people are obligated to hit the speed limit.

Road rage and aggressive driving in response is utterly reprehensible, and that tailgater is far more likely to be involved in road collisions than the driver in front.

Some drivers could really do with chilling out.

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Oblomov23 · 28/02/2023 03:19

Whilst not condoning his behaviour, driving too slowly can mean that you are a hazard to other road users.

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skilpadde · 28/02/2023 03:24

But we're not talking about 30 in a 50.

This incident involved a driver doing 35 in a 40, and a fuckwit behind her responding aggressively. And the OP experiencing intense embarrassment as a result.

The discussion about very slow drivers and their impact doesn't relate to this scenario. Trying to make it relate will inevitably sound like trying to make excuses for aggressive drivers.

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Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:26

skilpadde · 28/02/2023 03:19

A speed limit is a limit, not a target. It's reasonable to drive according to road and weather conditions. Just because you're on a single-carriage road doesn't mean that people are obligated to hit the speed limit.

Road rage and aggressive driving in response is utterly reprehensible, and that tailgater is far more likely to be involved in road collisions than the driver in front.

Some drivers could really do with chilling out.

Show quote history

When you've got a stream of traffic, you drive to the limit because to not do so causes frustration and accidents. If you're capable of flicking the finger, your capable of driving 4 miles faster.

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StartupRepair · 28/02/2023 03:27

It is not ok to intimidate others on the road. It really isn't.
OP how does he express frustration in other areas of life? He sounds awful. This is the problem, not your colleague's reaction.

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Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:27

skilpadde · 28/02/2023 03:24

But we're not talking about 30 in a 50.

This incident involved a driver doing 35 in a 40, and a fuckwit behind her responding aggressively. And the OP experiencing intense embarrassment as a result.

The discussion about very slow drivers and their impact doesn't relate to this scenario. Trying to make it relate will inevitably sound like trying to make excuses for aggressive drivers.

If she can drive at 35 with one hand on the wheel, she can drive at 39 with two hands.

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Pondweed · 28/02/2023 03:37

I'd agree with apologising but I wouldn't worry too much about the embarrassment. It's likely she either now feels very sorry for you or thinks you are also a complete prick like your DH. What sort of person is she?

Annoying as slow drivers are his reaction is ridiculous.

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Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 03:37

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:26

When you've got a stream of traffic, you drive to the limit because to not do so causes frustration and accidents. If you're capable of flicking the finger, your capable of driving 4 miles faster.

Show quote history

What’s the difference in time over the course of day a couple of miles between someone doing 35 and 40? Ridiculous.

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