To be too embarrassed to face friend after DH’s road rage

[JaimieP]

My husband was driving to my mum’s yesterday and on the journey I saw my work friend in front driving 35 in a 40 and my husband thought it would be appropriate to tailgate and keep revving the engine up her arse whilst beeping the horn and swearing. She was sticking fingers up back and then she locked eyes with me when he ripped round her when he was able to.

I’ve never felt so humiliated and embarrassed!! I want the ground to swallow me up! I already suffer with social anxiety as it is and I’m fuming at my DH for behaving this way and I can’t face her on Thursday when I see her at work!

[Mistymoonsinastarrysky]

I hope she has a car camera and filmed the oaf.
People like him deserve to be banned from driving, they are a menace and a danger.Your poor friend, she must have been terrified.

[Ritasueandbobtoo9]

I live in a rural area but with plenty of strung out villages where the speed limit is 60-40- 30-40-30-40-50-60 so lots of people drive at 35 in a 40 particularly if the 40 stretch is quite short. Also the road conditions are often 40/50 rather than the 60 national speed limit. It is only ever aggressive men who get wound up by this, overtake and then have to slow down because of what is in front.

[LetThemEatTurnips]

@Porridgealert

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

This is ridiculous

You're clearly a bad driver.

[NotMyDayJob]

You can always tell the people who passed their test many years previously because they think it's ok to drive like twats. It's not a problem to drive 35 in a 40 dependent on road conditions and only a twat would quibble it. Fair enough if someone is doing a bit of sight seeing at 10mph but that is not what we're talking about. If you need someone to go exactly at the speed limit, and not a few miles under because you're in a hurry, that's a you problem.

I can believe some of the comments on this thread.

[YouSoundLovely]

Those complaining about people who drive under the speed limit sound like nothing but apologists for aggressive behaviour.

OP, one sentence suffices for your colleague: 'I'm so sorry my husband behaved like that to you; he's on his final warning.'
One sentence suffices for your husband: 'If you ever do anything like that again, you can leave.'

[Calyx72]

Off topic I know but I had social anxiety when I had a husband who was an aggressive alcoholic. It disappeared completely when I divorced him.

Sorry this happened to you, I can imagine how awful you feel.

[TrinnySmith]

Can you pop round with some flowers and a huge apology. And an assurance that your DH is going to go for counselling for his anger.

It might be nice to see her before the work situation.

You shouldn't really feel bad for someone else's bad behaviour. It's all on him.

[Eyerollcentral]

@TrinnySmith

Can you pop round with some flowers and a huge apology. And an assurance that your DH is going to go for counselling for his anger.

It might be nice to see her before the work situation.

You shouldn't really feel bad for someone else's bad behaviour. It's all on him.

The OP doesn’t need to apologise for her prick husband’s behaviour. What an odd idea

[NotMyDayJob]

@TrinnySmith

Can you pop round with some flowers and a huge apology. And an assurance that your DH is going to go for counselling for his anger.

It might be nice to see her before the work situation.

You shouldn't really feel bad for someone else's bad behaviour. It's all on him.

Doesn't sound like the DH would ever do counselling so this would just be lying

[SnarkyBag]

I wonder if your husband is the same man who was tailgating, gesturing and swearing and dangerously overtaking me the other week? Still have actually no idea what I did to offend I can only think too slow going through a slalom run of cars on a built up housing estate?

Anyway I’d be surprised if your friend didn’t give you a wide birth after that I wouldn’t have much time for anyone who stayed married to such a twat.

[KateAusten]

You weren't driving so what's the problem?

[Brefugee]

You can only control your own behaviour. if you want to drive 40 and the person in front is driving 35 and doesn't pull over - do you a) act like a cunt and tailgate and gesticulate or b) quietly seethe and drive at a safe breaking distance from them?

In a perfect world all drivers drive perfectly. But we live on planet earth and can't control those around us.

[Zippidydoda]

I would refuse to travel in the car with him. It’s not ok to act the way he is, it’s unpleasant for you and for other road users. 35 in a 40 is hardly horribly slow. I could understand getting frustrated at someone doing 30 in a 60 or on a motorway….but even then tailgating isn’t going to make the situation safer.

my husband used to be an angry driver, thank god that passed as he grew up, because it really was pathetic and became a big issue!!

[Butchyrestingface]

Anyway I’d be surprised if your friend didn’t give you a wide birth after that I wouldn’t have much time for anyone who stayed married to such a twat.

It’s a work friend, so she’ll probably be too busy for the next while regaling the entire office with the story to receive the OP.

[TrinnySmith]

@NotMyDayJob

Doesn't sound like the DH would ever do counselling so this would just be lying

True but OP might leave him so it is not then relevant.

[Clarabella77]

@Porridgealert

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

Absolute bullshit. You drive to the conditions of the road, and sometimes that isn't the limit. Slower drivers are usually not the problem on roads.

[Eyerollcentral]

@KateAusten

You weren't driving so what's the problem?

The OP is socially anxious and though is clearly married to a lunatic she is probably, rightly, beyond embarrassed that her colleague will have realised this.

[olympicsrock]

I’m sure your colleague will just pity you not be annoyed.
I pity you for being married to such a horrible man.

[WhenDovesFly]

@Porridgealert

It depends. I wouldn't do it for a 35 in a 40. But I might do it for a 30 in a 50. I probably wouldn't tailgate, because if they can't drive at 50mph, they're going to be unpredictable and probably poor drivers.
That woman knew someone was frustrated behind her, was capable of driving while giving the finger, but couldn't go 4 miles faster? She just did it to wind him up.

But you don't know a person's situation. I have to regularly drive my husband to hospital appointments. He has cancer in the spine and a fractured vertebrae, so travelling is very painful. The roads are so bad in our area that I have to drive much slower than I usually would so that I can navigate the pot holes and road bumps carefully to cause him the least discomfort. I'm aware some people behind me may be frustrated by my speed, but husbands pain is more important.
A speed limit is a maximum allowed, it doesn't mean you must drive at that speed.

[NotMyDayJob]

@TrinnySmith

True but OP might leave him so it is not then relevant.

Eh? Why should the OP give untrue reassurances to someone regardless if they're going to leave him? They can just leave him and say 'yeah he was massive twat so I left him'

[Brefugee]

Quick warning for anyone on this thread who is a fan of gestures when driving: it is illegal in Germany and you can absolutely get an on-the-spot fine for flipping the bird at another driver, especially if it's the police (not just when driving, this kind of "personal insult" is not allowed here)

not sure about other European countries.

Also for anyone who doesn't drive at the speed limit at all times (me included, btw) a lot of the Autobahns here are a) 2 lanes and b) the "slow lane" is chock full of nose to tail lorries, tailgaters still think you should pull over - and many Autobahns don't have speed limits anyway.

[ReneBumsWombats]

@Ladyofthesea

It's his actions that cause this. When tailgated I always drive slow because fuck you.

You should drive slow so that if the idiot does ram you, you won't be concertina-d between it and anything ahead of you. Right action, wrong reason.

[Jooliusreezer]

Your husband is scum.

[ReneBumsWombats]

@WhenDovesFly

But you don't know a person's situation. I have to regularly drive my husband to hospital appointments. He has cancer in the spine and a fractured vertebrae, so travelling is very painful. The roads are so bad in our area that I have to drive much slower than I usually would so that I can navigate the pot holes and road bumps carefully to cause him the least discomfort. I'm aware some people behind me may be frustrated by my speed, but husbands pain is more important.
A speed limit is a maximum allowed, it doesn't mean you must drive at that speed.

It might be an idea to get a window sticker stating that you have a vulnerable passenger.

[Leafery]

35 in a 40 is perfect. It's literally what is taught on the roads today. And and someone mentioned, you drive to the conditions too. Using driving to intimidate or control others purely for your pleasure (because there's no benefit comparing 35 to 40) is such base behaviour it's almost laughable.

@Porridgealert "That woman knew someone was frustrated behind her, was capable of driving while giving the finger, but couldn't go 4 miles faster? She just did it to wind him up."
What on earth 😂
Work on basic emotional intelligence and critical thinking. For a start.
What an absolute danger and unpleasant person for anyone to come across on the roads! Go take your test again... Try to think. See how you do.