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To be too embarrassed to face friend after DH’s road rage

286 replies

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:28

My husband was driving to my mum’s yesterday and on the journey I saw my work friend in front driving 35 in a 40 and my husband thought it would be appropriate to tailgate and keep revving the engine up her arse whilst beeping the horn and swearing. She was sticking fingers up back and then she locked eyes with me when he ripped round her when he was able to.

I’ve never felt so humiliated and embarrassed!! I want the ground to swallow me up! I already suffer with social anxiety as it is and I’m fuming at my DH for behaving this way and I can’t face her on Thursday when I see her at work!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

644 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
mum11970 · 28/02/2023 05:30

Revving his engine whilst driving and tailgating! I doubt it! Have you tried revving an engine whilst moving without increasing speed? No chance he was sat behind her revving. Going on that exaggeration I’d take a guess the OP is also being a little economical with the difference in speed and the car in front was actually going slower than she’s making out.

Bansheed · 28/02/2023 05:32

They are both inconsiderate drivers, but your DH, dangerously so. And with an anger issue. I'd apologise to your colleague, just to put that bit to bed.

But you have a serious issue with your DH. You know that and acknowledge that. What can you do about it? Can you stand up for yourself to him?

Bansheed · 28/02/2023 05:35

And 35 in a 40 is just over 10% slower than the normal traffic's pace. Certainly enough to 'feel' intuitively.

Undertheoldlindentree · 28/02/2023 05:45

Perfectly fine to do 35 mph in a 40mph. Drive to the speed you feel comfortable with for the road conditions and let everyone else do the same. If there's a a slower person in front, that's just life!

chelle0 · 28/02/2023 05:47

🙄 you drive at a speed suitable for the road conditions. The speed limit is that, a limit not a target. You wouldn't do 70 when you're being blinded by sun or there's thick snow on the road.

Your husband is a twat. Overtake if it safe to do so but there's no excuse for tailgating, it's dangerous.

rainbowstardrops · 28/02/2023 05:49

I bet your twat of a 'D'H wouldn't have done that to a man!
I'd honestly tell him that I wouldn't be getting in a car with him if he's going to be an absolute dangerous dick.

mrsbitaly · 28/02/2023 05:51

Honestly this is going to cause a serious accident one day or he will meet his match and someone will get out and give him a wallop. You hear these bad stories about road rage and how they end badly.

I feel for you and I would be mortified. Don't be surprised if she thinks of reporting it. I would apologise- alot hopefully she will accept it

Zcity · 28/02/2023 05:54

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:07

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

A speed limit isn't a target.

Speeding causes far more accidents than 'slow' driving.

For tailgaiters, I don't get intimidated. I drive slower. That's what's taught in the highway code - create more distance between you. They soon get the message.

OP your husband sounds awful!

GnomeDePlume · 28/02/2023 05:56

Driving up the exhaust pipe of the car in front is simply stupid. It doesnt matter what the speed limit. You cant see what the driver in front can see. Therefore you are at far greater risk of driving into the car in front if they have to react suddenly.

@JaimieP at some point your H is going to cause an accident. Do you really want to be in the car with him when he does?

Soproudoflionesses · 28/02/2023 05:57

He sounds like a nasty bully

NewPapaGuinea · 28/02/2023 06:09

Whenever a driving/road related thread pops up the replies just compounds the need for regular driver retesting.

If you were to tally up the amount of time lost to a slower road user, compared to time lost to traffic jams, traffic lights, drivers blocking roundabouts you’d be shocked.

DarceyG · 28/02/2023 06:09

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:16

It depends. I wouldn't do it for a 35 in a 40. But I might do it for a 30 in a 50. I probably wouldn't tailgate, because if they can't drive at 50mph, they're going to be unpredictable and probably poor drivers.
That woman knew someone was frustrated behind her, was capable of driving while giving the finger, but couldn't go 4 miles faster? She just did it to wind him up.

You are advised on a speed awareness course that if someone behaves like this actually slow down, not with brakes to let your foot off accelerator. I would slow right down if someone was being an absolute wanker it’s dangerous. So what 35 in 40 he needs to get a grip.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 28/02/2023 06:15

Exactly, no one knows what other people have on their plate so don't be inconsiderate and drive flicking the finger when you could just drive a bit faster.

They don't have to though. 35 in a 40 is fine. The speed limit is that, a limit not to exceed, not a target to hit. If people don't understand that, they shouldn't be driving.

HereBeFuckery · 28/02/2023 06:19

"Slow drivers should speed up to avoid winding up others" is very much like "women should dress modestly to avoid inflaming men's desire".

If you can't control your anger in a car, you should take the bus. And some responsibility.

Bansheed · 28/02/2023 06:22

I am always intrigued by the limit not a target people that are drawn to these threads. They are very much a minority on roads, so stand out.

Does not excuse your DH's loss of temper and road rage at all though.

Chilledtorybeats · 28/02/2023 06:24

Tailgaters are the worst kind of people.

CharmedUndead · 28/02/2023 06:28

If any driver honestly responds to someone driving 35 in a 40 zone with frustration that leads to dangerous driving, you need to deal with your poor self control and emotional reactions. The slow driver is not the problem. You are. Remedial driving courses are available that may help you.

Ladyofthesea · 28/02/2023 06:30

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:36

Not really out of character no. He gets angry at slow drivers. He’s embarrassed me that much I haven’t spoken to him all day

It's his actions that cause this. When tailgated I always drive slow because fuck you.

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 28/02/2023 06:31

He isn’t safe to drive and you shouldn’t be getting in a car with him.

Squirrelsnut · 28/02/2023 06:32

I can't believe there are posters making excuses for his behaviour.

Snugglemonkey · 28/02/2023 06:34

Eyerollcentral · 28/02/2023 03:09

Seriously? Do you tailgate them and rev the engine? If so fyi you are a total w@nker. I hate slow drivers myself, but I don’t try to intimidate people on the road and I absolutely despise people who do.

Definitely. Plus slow drivers are often nervous drivers and that behaviour increases anxiety. It certainly does not make anyone speed up.

Butchyrestingface · 28/02/2023 06:34

@JaimieP Meh. You live with someone who you admit is a complete arsehole on a not irregular basis and this is only intensified when he gets behind the wheel of a car.

You only seem embarrassed by his behaviour because it was directed at someone you know who is now likely to tell the entire office.Chances are one day he’ll direct his aggression towards someone who isn’t prepared to turn a blind eye to it or merely flip him the finger, and then he’ll wind up with a very sore face.

Justputitdown · 28/02/2023 06:38

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:07

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

But 35 in a 40 isn't really that slow.

ThePixiesTookIt · 28/02/2023 06:38

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Butchyrestingface · 28/02/2023 06:38

I got tailgated once on a dual carriage way as a learner driver (in a clearly marked car) in heavy rain as I was driving under the speed limit.

It sure as fuck didn’t make me speed up but my instructor wound down the window and flipped him the finger.

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