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AIBU?

To be too embarrassed to face friend after DH’s road rage

286 replies

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:28

My husband was driving to my mum’s yesterday and on the journey I saw my work friend in front driving 35 in a 40 and my husband thought it would be appropriate to tailgate and keep revving the engine up her arse whilst beeping the horn and swearing. She was sticking fingers up back and then she locked eyes with me when he ripped round her when he was able to.

I’ve never felt so humiliated and embarrassed!! I want the ground to swallow me up! I already suffer with social anxiety as it is and I’m fuming at my DH for behaving this way and I can’t face her on Thursday when I see her at work!

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maddening · 28/02/2023 08:04

Your husband needs to go to anger management- he is unsafe.

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Topseyt123 · 28/02/2023 08:07

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 04:19

He wouldn't have done that if she'd driven to the limit instead of taking her eyes of the road and her hand off the wheel to give the finger.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think she was the careless and provocative driver.

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Bollocks. Plenty of people tailgate others who are driving to the speed limit. They do it because they are aggressive twats who want to speed.

You are beginning to sound like one of them.

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LikeTearsInRain · 28/02/2023 08:10

Honestly this behaviour is a red flag and should have been spotted years ago before you married him

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LakieLady · 28/02/2023 08:11

Instead of giving him the finger she should have just pulled over when it was safe to do so and let him pass.

Should she fuck. Aggressive drivers are dangerous idiots and giving way to them only encourages them to carry on with their bad behaviour.

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Poscapen · 28/02/2023 08:13

Setting aside the absolute idiots who think that an extra 4 mph is going to make much difference to their journey time, and that it's OK for them to drive like an aggressive fuckwit to pressurise other drivers...
Op - one day your husband will cause an accident. He might injure or even kill other road users. Even if a situation on the road feels frustrating we are driving massive heavy vehicles that can kill, so the priority has to always be safety, not speed.
I would be sitting him down and telling him that the next time he does that will be the last time he drives you anywhere. And mean it. I had a hellish journey on motorways - to a holiday with my friends - with my ex, begging him to stop driving aggressively, or let me have a turn. Told him I was busting and needed to stop at services. He wouldn't give me the keys so I got out of the car and took my bags out of the boot. Told him I'd go the rest of the way on public transport and he could go home. He gave me the keys and actually didn't drive like that with me in the car again. He was a prat though and I suspect he did when on his own.

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justasking111 · 28/02/2023 08:14

Someone needs to report him to the police. Perhaps your friend would OP

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Xol · 28/02/2023 08:14

Has your husband ever explained why he gets into this ridiculous state? How can driving 5 miles an hour slower than the limit actually harm him? It would have slowed you down getting to your mum's by all of around 5 minutes, I can't believe he was in that much of a desperate hurry.

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BooksAndHooks · 28/02/2023 08:15

In my experience the ones who intimidate and tailgate don’t just do it to those below the speed limit. They are also the ones who do it to intimidate you into breaking the speed limit and endanger vulnerable road users with their must get in front mentality.

Driving up the backside of another car means they will have to slow down as they will have to be giving more attention to you than the road so it’s counterproductive.

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RecommendedForYou · 28/02/2023 08:16

I reckon you can tell a lot about someone by the way they drive.

Your reaction is understandable. Your husband is embarrassing. What did he achieve with this show of macho aggression? What a big man he is. I find this kind of behaviour so very unattractive: a huge turn-off.

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Ruth98 · 28/02/2023 08:19

I absolutely hate people like this. He should have his license taken off him. It's this kind of person that keeps me awake at night when I think of my parents driving about on their own. They're both perfectly good drivers but I've noticed dad in particular drives a bit more slowly now than he used to. It's idiots like this man which will stop him driving way before his time. I would be ashamed to know him and hope it happens to his loved ones so he gets a taste of it.

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Poscapen · 28/02/2023 08:21

Xol · 28/02/2023 08:14

Has your husband ever explained why he gets into this ridiculous state? How can driving 5 miles an hour slower than the limit actually harm him? It would have slowed you down getting to your mum's by all of around 5 minutes, I can't believe he was in that much of a desperate hurry.

Depends on the length of the journey, probably much less than 5 minutes. Ridiculous isn't it?

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Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 08:22

Isthisexpected · 28/02/2023 04:16

A speed limit is a limit, not a target. It's reasonable to drive according to road and weather conditions.

^ absolutely agree and what all driving instructors teach ,not drive to the limit. 35 in a 40 is perfect.

I couldn't stand this man personally. I don't know how you are with someone who tries to intimidate women like this.

If you were doing 35 in a 40 during a driving test Holding traffic up you would fail .

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Thomasina79 · 28/02/2023 08:22

Sometimes driving slowly is for a reason. A driver might be looking for a particular address, street etc, they might be driving in a new place, they might be a new driver, the car might be playing up etc. we all need to be more patient and realise it could be us one day.

your husband should not be on the road, aggression has no place when driving. Personally I would refuse to be driven by him.

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GnomeDePlume · 28/02/2023 08:25

I had a driver like this behind me once while driving on a narrow coastal road (cliffs either side). Tailgating me all the way. Eventually I got fed up and pulled over to let him pass.

Guess what? Once he didnt have a car to follow and was having to negotiate the bends for himself he had to slow right down.

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NotMyDayJob · 28/02/2023 08:27

Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 08:22

If you were doing 35 in a 40 during a driving test Holding traffic up you would fail .

Show quote history

Not necessarily, the examiner would take range of things into consideration

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Conkersinautumn · 28/02/2023 08:33

Your husband is as thick as two planks. If he didn't tailgate she probably would have increased her speed. Aggressive drivers with that red mist tend to be dumb as fuck I find, oblivious to their own accountability in a situation.

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Brefugee · 28/02/2023 08:33

they would particularly take the tailgating wanker into consideration and maybe fail you for not slowing down further (as per highway code)

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piedbeauty · 28/02/2023 08:35

He wouldn't have done that if she'd driven to the limit instead of taking her eyes of the road and her hand off the wheel to give the finger.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think she was the careless and provocative driver

What an load of bollocks, @Porridgealert.

How would you know what the op's h would or wouldn't have done?

There is never any excuse for tailgating and behaving like an angry, aggressive wanker on the roads, and I find it really worrying that you are excusing this creep's shocking behaviour.

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User4891 · 28/02/2023 08:37

Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 08:22

If you were doing 35 in a 40 during a driving test Holding traffic up you would fail .

Show quote history

Really not true... And even if it was true you'd definitely fail for being up someone's arse and being a dick to them. The highway code is very clear. It's your responsibility to drive with due care to what's in front of you and it's your responsibility to leave enough distance behind whatever is in front of you to stop safely. If you rearend someone you're highly likely to be deemed at fault by insurance companies for good reason. Only on MN would people defend and victim blame such absolutely ridiculous and unssfe behaviour

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latetothefisting · 28/02/2023 08:41

For all the "it was HER fault really" commenters good luck getting that past the insurers/through a court if colleague had stopped suddenly and he'd rammed into her, or had caused an accident when he overtook on the wrong side of the road. I can't imagine "but your honour she was driving slightly below the speed limit" would go for as mitigation.

Presuming she wasn't infront of you for the whole journey, someone driving at 35 rather than 40 would add about 30 seconds to your journey time for the 5 mins or so until you could overtake. Really not worth stressing about!

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Branleuse · 28/02/2023 08:41

Nobody likes being held up, but anyone that gets road rage over someone doing 35 in a 40 for a bit has anger management issues. Jeez. We all have to coexist.

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Maybebabyno2 · 28/02/2023 08:41

Wow, he must have a huge cock. There's nothing more attractive than a man driving in aa aggressive, threatening manner, shows he's the real top dog.

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ClairDeLaLune · 28/02/2023 08:48

Maybebabyno2 · 28/02/2023 08:41

Wow, he must have a huge cock. There's nothing more attractive than a man driving in aa aggressive, threatening manner, shows he's the real top dog.

You typed “have” instead of “is”! But yes men who feel they have to assert their caveman masculinity in this way don’t realise what a turn-off it is.

Can’t believe how many posters on here are apologising for his behaviour. Like some of the sensible ones have said, and like I kept saying to DS when he was learning - it’s a limit not a target. And even if the car had been going dangerously slow (if that is even a thing) that is NOT the way to deal with it. What a twat. I’m sorry you have to put up with him OP. Well I guess you don’t, there’s always a choice…

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MichaelFabricantWig · 28/02/2023 08:50

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:07

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

They were doing 35, not 10 mph. They weren’t slow, they just weren’t driving fast enough to suit him. There is no obligation to drive at the speed limit. It’s a limit and not a target.

OP your husband is a prick. Tell your friend that and that you’re really sorry he did that you were furious at him.

as for him I’d never get in a car with him driving again.

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trulyunruly01 · 28/02/2023 08:51

I'm sure I really piss off drivers who are unfamiliar with this area when I slow down to 30 on a certain stretch of 40mph road, at a certain time of day.
That's because I know that around the bend there will be two double decker buses disgorging school children in a road with no pavements.
I always presume that the driver in front may know something I don't, be it a school bus or a wee hedgehog crossing the road.
But I have nothing to prove and am not an aggressive person anyway.

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