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To be too embarrassed to face friend after DH’s road rage

286 replies

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:28

My husband was driving to my mum’s yesterday and on the journey I saw my work friend in front driving 35 in a 40 and my husband thought it would be appropriate to tailgate and keep revving the engine up her arse whilst beeping the horn and swearing. She was sticking fingers up back and then she locked eyes with me when he ripped round her when he was able to.

I’ve never felt so humiliated and embarrassed!! I want the ground to swallow me up! I already suffer with social anxiety as it is and I’m fuming at my DH for behaving this way and I can’t face her on Thursday when I see her at work!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

644 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
As476 · 28/02/2023 07:23

People that drive that aggressively are really quite scary. It knocks my confidence massively. I’ve not long passed and there are a few sections on my route that I do slow down for as I was taught to do roundabouts in second gear. I’ve had a few drivers tailgating and beeping at me. Including when I was doing 39 in a 40. I’ve had it when I’ve done 50mph on winding country lanes with national speed limit, and when doing 29 in a 30 on a normal town road. It’s horrendous. I’ve bought a dash cam now that covers front and rear so I can report it every time it happens. Some people seem to think that everyone must speed and not drive to the conditions of the road. It’s always in rush hour which unfortunately I can’t avoid, and a lot more common on country roads. There’s a section that goes from 40 to 20, and the driver that overtook me after lots of beeping and aggression sped off into the 20mph zone doing at least 50. I don’t want to be intimidated into driving like a dick and I don’t want it to shatter my confidence either. It’s always men in large trucks/vans 🙂.

toomuchlaundry · 28/02/2023 07:24

What’s the betting he would still have behaved like this even if she was driving at 39 or 40mph. He doesn’t sound like a considerate person at all

pompomdaisy · 28/02/2023 07:24

No matter how annoying a slow driver might be the behaviour is inappropriate and he needs counselling. Ambulances sometimes drive slowly if the have a spinal injury. Would he tailgate them too?

Summerfun54321 · 28/02/2023 07:25

It's not really that relevant that it was road rage, what is relevant is your DH thought nothing of being openly aggressive to someone you know despite you telling him to stop. He sounds like a psychopath.

Theeaglesoared · 28/02/2023 07:29

God he sounds awful. I feel sorry for you married to someone like that.

FrenchFancie · 28/02/2023 07:30

As my instructor used to say ‘it’s a limit not a target’. I very rarely drive on the limit, I’m usually around 4-5mph under it, depending on circumstances.
i have several reasons - I have a sight condition (I’ve reported it to DVLA and I’m still allowed to drive before anyone bleats at me!) which means my visual processing can sometimes be a bit slower than I would like, driving slightly below the limit tends to give me extra time to make decisions without feeling panicked. This is on my instructor’s suggestion when I learnt 8 years ago.
I passed my test in the uk and the almost immediately moved to a country with lower speed limits - you couldn’t go faster than 60 on the motorway and most country roads were limited to 50, with large stretches at 30. I got used to driving at those speeds and now find the UK very fast.
also I just don’t want to get a speeding ticket, my insurance is high enough as it is (see the first point!). I have a tracker fitted to the car to bring the cost down, if I charge around at the speed limit there a strong chance I would end up going over the limit at some point. It’s just not worth it.

if people get frustrated with me that’s on them, I’m not getting involved.

as for the OP - I would acknowledge your husbands poor behaviour but not apologise for him. I would reconsider having him drive me anywhere though if he can’t behave himself.

Trixiefirecracker · 28/02/2023 07:30

Your husband has anger issues.

Barelyable · 28/02/2023 07:30

@Eyerollcentral I agree with every one of your posts.
Not every one is 100% confident and may drive a little slower than I would but I assume they have their reasons, I certainly wouldn't intimidate them and make them even more nervous!
My daughter has just passed her test and while confident I would hate some knob to knock it with their shitty behaviour.
Also, don't stay with an angry man like this...believe me, his behaviour will be obvious to others, even if you're used to it.

User4891 · 28/02/2023 07:31

I cannot believe the amount of people on here making out that aggressively tailgaiting is ever ok. I get it on my local dual carriageway and it isn't because I'm going 40 it's when I'm going at 85! It's really twatty behaviour and the people doing it deserve to lose their license and their husbands... just saying OP....

My DH can be a bit of a 'reactive' driver which pisses me off but he was ever that disgusting to another driver, especially a female on her own, then we'd be having serious words at the very least.

FangsForTheMemory · 28/02/2023 07:32

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:26

When you've got a stream of traffic, you drive to the limit because to not do so causes frustration and accidents. If you're capable of flicking the finger, your capable of driving 4 miles faster.

It only causes frustration and accidents because of the stupidity of people like you, tailgating.

NerrSnerr · 28/02/2023 07:33

He’s more of a dick when he’s driving than anything else but he can certainly be a complete arse in everyday life at times.

Sounds lovely to be married to.

It doesn't matter if the person in front was driving 15mph- it doesn't give someone else the right to drive dangerously. As frustrating as it is to have slower drivers in front of you it doesn't make tailgating any better. It's still dangerous and intimidating. It wouldn't make me go any faster if someone tailgated. I'd probably slow even more so I could be prepared for whatever the idiot behind is going to do.

Barelyable · 28/02/2023 07:33

@Porridgealert you need to go back to driving school. Your attitude is horrendous.

PrinceHaz · 28/02/2023 07:35

The friend embarrassment is only a minor issue. The big issue is your horrible husband. I don’t like the sound of him.

cosmiccosmos · 28/02/2023 07:37

Remember OP, his aggressive, twatish behaviour is nothing to do with you, you are not in control of him.

In this situation I would make a point of going up to my colleague, checking she's ok and telling her that I was disgusted with what he did and told him so. I'd also say that unfortunately it's a bad character flaw and you are embarrassed by his behaviour.

Moveoverdarlin · 28/02/2023 07:38

I would take her flowers on Thursday and say ‘I’m so sorry, my husband is an utter c**t of a man. I hope he didn’t scare you too much. This is the most embarrassing situation I’ve ever been in.’

It’s worrying there are lowlife men like this on the road. I hope your friend is big enough to deal with it, but imagine if he was behind a 17 girl (or boy) who had just passed their test, they would have been petrified.

TheaBrandt · 28/02/2023 07:45

Culpability for Dh bad behaviour is an interesting topic though. I had a boyfriend in my twenties who would on occasion get drunk and behave outrageously once to a work colleague of mine. Mortifying. Even though it wasn’t me behaving like that I was with him so felt complicit and that I was endorsing the behaviour.

Remember a vile man in an open top car using grim sexually aggressive swear words at me when I was on my bike. His gf just sat there in the passenger seat. I judged her hard too.

SherbertDabs · 28/02/2023 07:46

Have we really got someone suggesting it’s ok to be an aggressive driver and intimidate people using their cars? You’ll be a lot later if you cause an accident or someone bigger than you decides to teach you a lesson. Pathetic.

OP, your bloke is a dickhead.

bagelbagelbagel · 28/02/2023 07:47

I'm quite a sweary driver, probably because I learned in London where everything is 99mph and now I live somewhere where life isn't like that. But the difference is I do it under my breath so even my kids can't hear, and I wouldn't dream of beeping or gesturing.

Justleaveitblankthen · 28/02/2023 07:48

Your husband is an inconsiderate wanker and I hope he tailgates the wrong person one day soon.

I was briefly with someone like that.
White van bloke, up everyone's arse for no reason. I was constantly embarrassed to be seen with him.
Oh - and he 'didn't belive in blue badge parking' and would always use a disabled person's spot.
I was mortified because strangers would blame the pair of us!
I got rid of him quickly.

These types don't change.

Moveoverdarlin · 28/02/2023 07:49

Can’t believe people are referring to your friend as driving dangerously slowly! She wasn’t doing 10 miles an hour. How does your husband know she was doing 35? She may have been doing 37/38 and your husband (who sounds like a nasty individual and the sort of man who would speed) many have been doing 42/43. He sounds awful.

BurntOutGirl · 28/02/2023 07:51

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 03:02

@skilpadde I was telling him to stop and we had a brief row before having to leave it because we arrived at my mums.

He’s more of a dick when he’s driving than anything else but he can certainly be a complete arse in everyday life at times.

He does sound a very unpleasant person.

Maybe think if this is who you want to be associated with.

AnnoyedFromSlough · 28/02/2023 07:54

Speedometers are not accurate. It's entirely possible her speedo said that she was going at the limit.

4 miles under the speed limit is not 'slow' and the people that get frustrated by that are the problem. Not the people driving perfectly legally.

Op, I'm sorry your dh is an arse. You need to speak to your colleague and basically tell her that, and apologise.

Dinkleberg · 28/02/2023 07:55

I remember as a learner once taking a bit too long to move off at a green traffic light for the car behind's liking. It was maybe 3 seconds after the light had turned? He beeped at me and revved his engine aggressively.

Did it spur me on? No, in fact I panicked and ended up stalling the car which delayed it for even longer.

I despise nasty, aggressive drivers and your DH is one.

RedHelenB · 28/02/2023 07:57

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 04:19

He wouldn't have done that if she'd driven to the limit instead of taking her eyes of the road and her hand off the wheel to give the finger.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think she was the careless and provocative driver.

But he still shouldn't t have driven up her arse He was in the wrong and driving dangerously just because he wanted to go a bit faster

Emotionalsupportviper · 28/02/2023 07:59

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:36

Not really out of character no. He gets angry at slow drivers. He’s embarrassed me that much I haven’t spoken to him all day

He's a total melt.

I HATE tailgaters and TBH I slow right down - there's no way anyone is bullying me into speeding, not to mention putting me in danger of a collision if for some reason I had to stop suddenly (because the car tailgating would be up my backside and unable to stop in time). Even at lower speeds tailgating is very dangerous.

Apologise to your colleague - take the initiative. She'll appreciate it.

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