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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this trip isn't really worth it?

310 replies

Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 10:19

DD1 is at uni 200 miles away. She's due back for couple of weeks at Easter. She wants us to travel up with DD2 to meet her new boyfriend then we'd stay the night then drive back with her the next day. OH and I think it's a long journey to just meet her boyfriend for a couple of hours (on a bad day could take up to nearly 6 hours 1 way) plus expensive for us in petrol and accommodation for 3 people especially as she's coming home anyway. She says it would be cheaper for her if we drove as no train fare for her but we'd contribute to her train fare anyway. She reckons it's the only time in quite a while we'd get to meet him as he's working abroad for a few months. They've been together about 2 months but she's besotted. Would like some views please

OP posts:
Scotland32 · 27/02/2023 18:34

Yes, do it. I was 400 miles away at Uni and I think my parents would have done it….
It’s lovely that she wants you to meet him.

Maireas · 27/02/2023 18:36

Scotland32 · 27/02/2023 18:34

Yes, do it. I was 400 miles away at Uni and I think my parents would have done it….
It’s lovely that she wants you to meet him.

Yes, but in those days there was no such thing as WhatsApp calls or zoom.

JillenTavau · 27/02/2023 18:39

@Fiddledediddledeedee my sister sent me pics of her two teens rooms, one just left the bed exactly how they got out of it, pillow askew, covers half hanging off the bed, the other was fully made, with a lovely throw and cushions! Raised the same. Both of mine make their bed as a minimum. I am so glad.

The thing is with a child who has so much crap on the floor they can't find a bed, no one is sorting that out for them so at some point they will have to sort it.

OoooohMatron · 27/02/2023 18:41

I would, but then there isn't much I wouldn't do for my DC.

Pliudev · 27/02/2023 18:41

Just curious about why it takes 6 hours to drive two hundred miles? And why you would only spend 2 hours together. If it was me, I'd certainly go and make a trip of it. As others have suggested, if the drive is that challenging, stay an extra night. Travel Lodge or Premier Inn isn't so expensive and you might even enjoy getting to know the place where your daughter lives as well as her new boyfriend.

Fiddledediddledeedee · 27/02/2023 18:48

JillenTavau · 27/02/2023 18:39

@Fiddledediddledeedee my sister sent me pics of her two teens rooms, one just left the bed exactly how they got out of it, pillow askew, covers half hanging off the bed, the other was fully made, with a lovely throw and cushions! Raised the same. Both of mine make their bed as a minimum. I am so glad.

The thing is with a child who has so much crap on the floor they can't find a bed, no one is sorting that out for them so at some point they will have to sort it.

🤣🤣🤣🤞

Flippingnora100 · 27/02/2023 19:03

Do it, OP. Shoe some enthusiasm. It’s sweet that she wants you all to meet him!

Flippingnora100 · 27/02/2023 19:03

*show

GoodChat · 27/02/2023 19:07

In my view, getting the train home which takes just under 3 hours, which we'll probably pay most for, is much more straightforward than going there and back by car

But then who's paying for his ticket? Will he be able to come?

hban · 27/02/2023 19:07

does she have a lot to bring home? When I was at Uni my parents were the only ones who told me to get the train and didn’t come to pick me up. I think it’s nice to make the effort and get to know her life more.

Mummadeze · 27/02/2023 19:08

I would. Sounds like fun and I would be curious to meet him.

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 27/02/2023 19:12

When I was at uni (albeit 15+ years ago) it was the norm for parents to collect us from uni for the holidays. I studied around 250 miles from home. I think I’d have felt pretty rejected if coming to see me where I live and meet someone important to me was described as ‘a waste of time’ but all families are different.

Lady1576 · 27/02/2023 19:12

I definitely would go! It’s so nice she wants you to meet him and it would be family bonding. If you can afford it I’d make a weekend trip out if it if it feels like too much driving in 24hrs. I used to drive that distance every other weekend, driving up after work on Friday, then back on Sunday. Wasn’t bad and lots of people do that I’m sure! If you can’t afford it, then that’s fair enough though.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/02/2023 19:15

Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 27/02/2023 19:12

When I was at uni (albeit 15+ years ago) it was the norm for parents to collect us from uni for the holidays. I studied around 250 miles from home. I think I’d have felt pretty rejected if coming to see me where I live and meet someone important to me was described as ‘a waste of time’ but all families are different.

@Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme

would you?? Even if your parents had only made the trip a couple of weeks ago?

AllyArty · 27/02/2023 19:23

Have you/could u meet him online? A lot cheaper and he might prefer it too!

ItchyBillco · 27/02/2023 19:29

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/02/2023 13:36

@Lamelie

bollocks

I didn’t know the families of my uni pals and they didn’t know mine

certainly no being taken out for meals by each other’s parents

Show quote history

I don’t think you can dismiss this entirely as ‘bollocks’ just because it wasn’t your experience. I experienced similar to the poster said. A few of my flat mates had big social families that would come down and take all of us out. It was good fun and did serve to unite everyone. We’re all good friends now and seeing those families at various events over the years (landmark birthdays, engagements, weddings christenings) is really special.

BHRK · 27/02/2023 19:31

My parents used to pick me up every holiday. I loved them staying overnight and coming up to get me. I have always known they would drive to me if needed and it’s part of the reason I love them to bits. Now I’m older and no longer at uni I drive to them and can treat them

wohmum · 27/02/2023 19:32

coodawoodashooda · 27/02/2023 10:31

I agree.

Show quote history

And me too !
If you can afford it , do it. Lovely that she wants you to meet him. It is doable as a day trip if you can share the driving - we do a similar one to see DS

HarrietsweetHarriet · 27/02/2023 19:48

I'd do anything for my DD and would be excited that she wanted us to meet him.

CarolineHelston · 27/02/2023 19:58

I think money is tight for a lot of people. Petrol for a 200 mile journey and budget hotel accommodation for 3, plus a meal out for 5 people equates to how much. At least £200/£250 more than paying for a train ticket.

So unless money is abundant that's just less for the fuel bills, or food or repairs - or just the Easter treat money spent before the holidays even begun.

Then there's the time. I see the point at which children go to university is also the time when you start to get your own life back. You love them and you still help them - including significant amounts of financial help. But it's also a time when you can start being your own person again. Equally it's a time when you encourage them to greater independence.

Sooner or later our adult children do go away and not come back so much. I think one of the ways in which we can prepare for that is by sometimes saying 'No' to requests that really are not that convenient.

rowanoak · 27/02/2023 20:00

My kids are young but I would definitely do this in the future if my daughter asked. I'd be thrilled she wanted me to meet her boyfriend and would want to be involved and helpful in her life as a college student. It sounds like you have a great daughter; life is short and you should take advantage of these moments to spend time with her even if it's just for a short time.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2023 20:03

@Pliudev

Just curious about why it takes 6 hours to drive two hundred miles?

Um... traffic? Accidents? Roadworks? It took me 8 hours to drive from London to Leeds once. That was a joy. Oh, and 8 hours to drive from London to Chester for a wedding. Thank god I went up the day before...

Train is a much better idea. Well, as long as there aren't any strikes!

Upsidedownagain · 27/02/2023 20:06

I wouldn't if it was a 6 hour drive unless I could spend a couple of nights there at least. Otherwise it's 2 days driving to meet a boyfriend you may never see or hear of again. As others say you could have a zoom chat if the meet up part is so important to her.

What my kids want IS important but so am I, and you'll see her anyway the next day.

Weedoormatnomore · 27/02/2023 20:08

Definitely always there for my kids ! Only you know your DD how important is it to her ?

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/02/2023 20:10

“What my kids want IS important but so am I, and you'll see her anyway the next day.“

HERE, HERE!!