Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this trip isn't really worth it?

310 replies

Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 10:19

DD1 is at uni 200 miles away. She's due back for couple of weeks at Easter. She wants us to travel up with DD2 to meet her new boyfriend then we'd stay the night then drive back with her the next day. OH and I think it's a long journey to just meet her boyfriend for a couple of hours (on a bad day could take up to nearly 6 hours 1 way) plus expensive for us in petrol and accommodation for 3 people especially as she's coming home anyway. She says it would be cheaper for her if we drove as no train fare for her but we'd contribute to her train fare anyway. She reckons it's the only time in quite a while we'd get to meet him as he's working abroad for a few months. They've been together about 2 months but she's besotted. Would like some views please

OP posts:
RattlewhenIwalk · 27/02/2023 17:27

A couple of months isn't really worth it. Pay for her to take the train and tell her you'll meet him when he comes back (if they're still together).

Original poster
Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 17:30

HeavenIsAHalfpipe we are extremely close and talk every day. I know an awful lot about her uni life and she values my opinion on lots of stuff when she asks for my opinion. We've already done 2 weekend trips up to see her since she started in Sept so have got to see quite a bit of the city. In my view, getting the train home which takes just under 3 hours, which we'll probably pay most for, is much more straightforward than going there and back by car no matter how wonderful her boyfriend is!

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 27/02/2023 17:30

I wouldn’t go just to meet the boyfriend but I would go to look around the area, her uni etc if you haven’t done so for a long time.

If it’s just to meet a boyfriend of 2 months then I’d say the cars playing up and you can’t risk it.

another1bitestheduck · 27/02/2023 17:40

I wouldn't. They've only been together 2 months and he's going to be living abroad for the foreseeable! There's a very high chance they'll break up, so you'll have wasted hours of your life and the cost of a 400mile drive and overnight hotel just to meet someone you'll never see again. If they do stay together you'll have loads of other opportunities to meet! Would dd2 even want to be stuck in a car for hours and have to stay overnight in a hotel with her parents only to have a quick meal with the guy her sister's been shagging? I know I wouldn't at her age!

Maireas · 27/02/2023 17:41

Don't go. She can get the train home.
Then tell you all about the new chap when she gets home.

StephenDedalus · 27/02/2023 17:41

I'm firmly in camp go and we would for our dd.

JMSA · 27/02/2023 17:42

I think it seems mean-spirited to refuse.

JMSA · 27/02/2023 17:44

Some of the miserable responses on here!

HeresANewNameForToday · 27/02/2023 17:50

MindPalace · 27/02/2023 10:26

No brainer for me - if my DD valued me enough to want me to meet her bf, I’d be delighted and be excited to meet him, whatever length the drive.

Absolutely this.

Zonder · 27/02/2023 17:53

Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 17:30

HeavenIsAHalfpipe we are extremely close and talk every day. I know an awful lot about her uni life and she values my opinion on lots of stuff when she asks for my opinion. We've already done 2 weekend trips up to see her since she started in Sept so have got to see quite a bit of the city. In my view, getting the train home which takes just under 3 hours, which we'll probably pay most for, is much more straightforward than going there and back by car no matter how wonderful her boyfriend is!

Given this post I'm not really sure why you asked in the first place. You're clearly already quite sure you don't need to go.

LlynTegid · 27/02/2023 17:54

Think of the environment and fuel costs. I think a Zoom call or similar would be better, perhaps saying you'll meet when he comes back from his time abroad.

Sceptre86 · 27/02/2023 17:57

I wouldn't go but would happily arrange to speak to him via zoom or a watsapp call. I think she sounds a bit self centred to be honest, she wants to come back in the car because it's cheaper for her but has given no thought to your petrol cost and accommodation for an overnight stay. I get she's besotted but still. If you can easily afford it by all means go but don't be guilt tripped into it.

Cocobutt · 27/02/2023 17:58

No brainer for me - if my DD valued me enough to want me to meet her bf, I’d be delighted and be excited to meet him, whatever length the drive.

If it was a serious relationship then I definitely would but they’ve only been together a few weeks.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 27/02/2023 17:58

Funkyslippers · 27/02/2023 17:30

HeavenIsAHalfpipe we are extremely close and talk every day. I know an awful lot about her uni life and she values my opinion on lots of stuff when she asks for my opinion. We've already done 2 weekend trips up to see her since she started in Sept so have got to see quite a bit of the city. In my view, getting the train home which takes just under 3 hours, which we'll probably pay most for, is much more straightforward than going there and back by car no matter how wonderful her boyfriend is!

As a pp said, your mind is made up, so I am not sure why you asked on here really. You clearly don't want to go, and I don't blame you, it seems a pointless waste of time a money when she is coming home anyway! Absolutely no need to go.

Maireas · 27/02/2023 18:00

I agree with @Sceptre86 - it's a bit unreasonable of her. Do a WhatsApp or similar video call to chat to them both together. 8 hours plus hotel for one night to meet him is unnecessary and a waste of time and fuel.

gggrrrargh · 27/02/2023 18:01

museumum · 27/02/2023 10:50

I wouldn't have asked my parents to do this because they'd have said no. I learned early on to be independent and do the 'logical' thing (e.g get the train by myself when I moved 400miles away). As a result my parents and I have a loving but not particularly close relationship. I also have trouble letting anybody help or do 'nice things' like give lifts if there's a 'logical' public transport option.

TL:DR I would do it, and be glad she wanted me to.

That is exactly my experience and I have trouble asking for help too. I am making sure my daughter feels able to ask for my help and I’d be usually willing.

Maireas · 27/02/2023 18:03

The daughter doesn't need help. She's not ill or stranded?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2023 18:03

In my view, getting the train home which takes just under 3 hours, which we'll probably pay most for, is much more straightforward than going there and back by car

Totally agree. Part of the whole university experience is learning how to be independent, and not rely on Mummy and Daddy to pick you up whenever you click your fingers.

And who can afford 400 miles of petrol money for a two-hour lunch at the moment?

Dammitthisisshit · 27/02/2023 18:06

If the train is only 3 hours then get the train and travel up on your own.

It’s lovely that you have a close relationship.

SwingingPendulousBabylons · 27/02/2023 18:07

Kids at uni get a lot of social capital from having involved families

Hmm

I think a 2 month relationship is in itself not worthy of a 200 mile trip - but my DC are all at university that sort of distance away, and I would probably do it if they asked me to. I'd go on the train, though, and do some other fun stuff while I was at it.

I do car trips with the DC to their university accommodation in September and June, when they have too much stuff to bring on the train. Otherwise, it's train only.

Hazey19 · 27/02/2023 18:12

I think I would too, it’s nice she wants you to meet him and it would help her getting a lift back too. My mum used to pick me up from university each holidays (and take all my washing home, but this was a long time ago).

wibdib · 27/02/2023 18:13

Tell her that you're really tired so not up to a long drive but that you are looking into getting a family rail card/etc to see how much it would cost you all to travel up to see her by rail, meet the bf, bit of exploring/relaxing the all travel home together the next day...
Her reaction will tell you lots about whether she wants you all to meet the bf or if that is convenient but she really wants you and the car there!

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/02/2023 18:14

zingally · 27/02/2023 15:51

If you can afford to, I don't see why you wouldn't tbh. This is your CHILD who wants to introduce someone who is special to them.

Personally, I think showing an interest in the weird and wonderful world of late-teens/early 20s gives you a lot of capital to cash in when it comes to having loving adult relationships with them 10 years from now.

@zingally

do most half decent parents not have enough ‘capital‘ to ‘cash in’ anyway without having to do this??!

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/02/2023 18:15

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2023 18:03

In my view, getting the train home which takes just under 3 hours, which we'll probably pay most for, is much more straightforward than going there and back by car

Totally agree. Part of the whole university experience is learning how to be independent, and not rely on Mummy and Daddy to pick you up whenever you click your fingers.

And who can afford 400 miles of petrol money for a two-hour lunch at the moment?

This is mumsnet. Eveyones got money to burn and could easily the afford the petrol for such a trip

Fiddledediddledeedee · 27/02/2023 18:33

JillenTavau · 27/02/2023 16:51

@Fiddledediddledeedee I was like clean? Nah, not my job. Ds is a neat freak, has a hand held hoover for dusting and a flat mop for his uni room and it always smells fresh. He even has a laundry schedule. We raised him right Grin

Clearing a room out every holiday is what both Dh and I had to do at uni so we were prepared and glad that Ds chose a uni relatively close by just in case. Dh also had a very clean room at uni when I met him. Like Father, like son.

One of mine asked for a hand held hoover at Christmas🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

But I’ve got another swimming under crap in his uni room. His twin sent me a pic and I honestly couldn’t see the bed. Thinking I’ll get him a bulldozer

We raised them all the same, one of them must have missed that bit . 🤪

Swipe left for the next trending thread