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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared stiff of being pregnant at 45

307 replies

notsureconfused · 26/02/2023 08:21

Long story short I have 2 older teens conceived through ivf. Very much thought we were done when I miraculously got pregnant naturally with our third at 43. It's been tough. We were used to having sleep again, more freedom etc and we've gone back to the start. Now I've discovered I'm pregnant again. Only now I'm 45, knackered with a 2 year old (plus the teens) & I'm very worried about coping all over again.

OP posts:
ThatCantBeTrue · 28/02/2023 11:12

It's ok not to have the baby. Your life is full and busy now.

catinboots123 · 28/02/2023 11:16

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 28/02/2023 11:11

Fucking hell can you shut up!?

This thread is about OP - it's a thread she started for support. Merailing and scoring points off each others ages and DC etc is so unpleasant. Please fuck off and do it elsewhere.

The most important thing is @notsureconfused and how you are feeling now?

Are you talking to me? I was replying to a PP

pappajonessecretchild · 28/02/2023 11:19

I too had a late age pregnancy after having a baby just 3mths before. This was after many years of miscarriges and trying. The guilt I felt knowing this was going to be very very hard with whatever i chose after all those missed babies. When I spoke to the GP, she said What was right one day, may not be right another day. Go with what is the correct decision for you today. Give yourself time, but no guilt with whatever you decide.

HistoryFanatic · 28/02/2023 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How do you know you will be around? We could all die tomorrow sadly.

HistoryFanatic · 28/02/2023 11:55

Hope you have had more chance to digest the news and decide what you want to do, OP.

Original poster
notsureconfused · 28/02/2023 20:38

Thanks again everyone. I've had chance for the news to sink in now and I'm feeling a lot less panicky than I was the other day. I had a private scan today and I'm just 5 weeks so it really is very early days. I think I'm going to go ahead with the pregnancy although I'm very aware that this decision could most likely be taken out of my hands. I feel relieved to have made a decision at least.

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 28/02/2023 20:50

notsureconfused · 28/02/2023 20:38

Thanks again everyone. I've had chance for the news to sink in now and I'm feeling a lot less panicky than I was the other day. I had a private scan today and I'm just 5 weeks so it really is very early days. I think I'm going to go ahead with the pregnancy although I'm very aware that this decision could most likely be taken out of my hands. I feel relieved to have made a decision at least.

In which case, congrats, @notsureconfused! Wishing you all the luck in your pregnancy, and the gorgeous little peanut when they come out to join you 😊

waterlego · 28/02/2023 20:57

Really glad you have come to a decision that feels right to you OP. Congratulations and best wishes for you and your baby.

Trianglesquarerectangle · 28/02/2023 21:17

I am so pleased for you. Congrats from the bottom of my heart x

MarshaBradyo · 28/02/2023 21:19

Congratulations op Flowers good luck for pregnancy

mamabear715 · 28/02/2023 21:22

Well then, many congratulations @notsureconfused - I hope all goes wonderfully.
I was 45 when my youngest was born. :-)

Coffeellama · 28/02/2023 21:25

You sound like a lovely family that has room for one more OP, I’m glad you feel comfortable with your decision and if all goes well youl have a lovely age gap for the younger 2 growing up. Congrats OP

Roselilly36 · 01/03/2023 05:29

Good luck OP, very you all the very best.

abmac95 · 01/03/2023 07:22

Congratulations, wishing you all the best ❤

VestaTilley · 01/03/2023 07:59

Whatever you decide please get your DH to have a vasectomy!

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/03/2023 10:27

notsureconfused · 28/02/2023 20:38

Thanks again everyone. I've had chance for the news to sink in now and I'm feeling a lot less panicky than I was the other day. I had a private scan today and I'm just 5 weeks so it really is very early days. I think I'm going to go ahead with the pregnancy although I'm very aware that this decision could most likely be taken out of my hands. I feel relieved to have made a decision at least.

Congrats 💐💐

5w is still early days but I hope all works out for you both

Terzani · 01/03/2023 15:16

@notsureconfused What a lovely update! Congratulations and may you all be happy and healthy🌺

Sugarfree23 · 01/03/2023 15:40

Congratulations Op
Your LOs will have a blast growing up together.

Justgorgeous · 01/03/2023 16:55

Hello - had by third at 44. It’s wonderful ! Good luck x

HiScore · 01/03/2023 16:59

Congratulations OP.

My parents had my sister and I close together and then had a gap of 8 years before my brother came and he was their last. He spent a lot of his childhood on his own being so much younger and we left home while he was still a child. They have said several times that they wish they'd had a 4th as it could have improved the family dynamic 🤷‍♀️ best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy x

RosaBonheur · 01/03/2023 17:20

Glad to see you've reached a decision, OP. I hope everything works out the way it is meant to.

For what it's worth, having had your children after infertility or pregnancy loss doesn't mean you're under any moral obligation to continue with a subsequent unwanted pregnancy. Having a termination, or being secretly relieved if you have a miscarriage, does not mean you are any less grateful for your existing children. If you think it would be OK for a woman who conceived and carried her children to term easily to have a termination, you should believe it's OK for you to do so.

Infertility and pregnancy loss are heavy enough burdens to bear. You don't need to add to that by holding yourself to higher moral standards than those you apply to others.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 01/03/2023 22:02

notsureconfused · 28/02/2023 20:38

Thanks again everyone. I've had chance for the news to sink in now and I'm feeling a lot less panicky than I was the other day. I had a private scan today and I'm just 5 weeks so it really is very early days. I think I'm going to go ahead with the pregnancy although I'm very aware that this decision could most likely be taken out of my hands. I feel relieved to have made a decision at least.

All the congratulations in the world! Xx

ChungusBoi · 01/03/2023 23:19

Thank you for updating us and good that your mind is more settled about it. Do continue to be kind to yourself 💐

Coulditreallybe · 11/05/2023 00:15

How are you @notsureconfused

GuestStars · 11/05/2023 02:57

4 kids is a lot. In your shoes, I’d be grateful for the ones I’ve got, but not continue at 45.

Nearly same age as you. Youngest is 5. Life is smooth and easy!!

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