To be scared stiff of being pregnant at 45

[notsureconfused]

Long story short I have 2 older teens conceived through ivf. Very much thought we were done when I miraculously got pregnant naturally with our third at 43. It's been tough. We were used to having sleep again, more freedom etc and we've gone back to the start. Now I've discovered I'm pregnant again. Only now I'm 45, knackered with a 2 year old (plus the teens) & I'm very worried about coping all over again.

Every parent is selfish. That's what choosing to be a parent is. Selfish.

Oh, and you're shit at maths. Unless your kid is a bright as you and did his A-levels at 22?

It will be lovely for your 2year old to have a sibling to grow up with, tiring but amazing. Congrats 😉

Fuck me. Congrats to someone who told you they are seriously considering a termination.
Is there actually something wrong with you?

Sorry if I missed it , but why weren't you using contraception? You'd recently got pregnant. Maybe you actually wanted another.

@Trainnerd You know perfectly well that I mean emotionally distant regarding the fact that you had been conceived, and whether or not they should therefore bother having you. However, again I forget that on mumsnet at least a pregnancy that's not precisely planned can just be regarded as a bore that needs resolving

Actually, there are advantages to being retired or partly retired when your children are doing their GCSES/ Alevels. There is so much more time to help them. And to discuss life and their aspirations.

How is she selfish? Maybe the poster you were replying to has had a long history of TTC and only successful at a late stage? We aren't all blessed with great fertility. It has taken us nearly 11 years to have two children and my DH is 52. We don't all have a choice.

Approximation? You were out by years! And who's grandma?

Are you quite well?

Of course you're selfish. Becoming a parent is selfish.

What life choices? You do seem terribly confused here.

The source you have quoted is nonsense. And I say that as someone who has suffered 6 miscarriages out of 8 pregnancies, almost all before I was 35.

The reason I say the source is nonsense is it's a wishy washy nonsense figure and not taken from a published article at all.

Also those are all risks from point of conception, after 6 weeks having seen a heartbeat on a scan and an appropriately sized fetal pole those risks drop greatly so you are infact striking terror into pregnant women to whome these figures are unlikely to apply.

Infact with PCOS there is evidence fertility improves prior toenopause due to the change in the specific hormone profile making us more likely to conceive and less likely to miscarry closer to menopause.

Why are you so keen to push the miscarriage misinformation? And so blase in your tone as if each loss isn't hugely difficult. I'm going to assume you've not had a miscarriage before to speak as you are. With nonsense statistics taken out of context

My bil is 9 years younger than his next youngest sibling, he's 1 of 7, his mum had him unexpectedly at 50, he's 32, they've just had a baby, his mum still volunteers, his dad runs the family farm, they're entirely independent and not only that but also very involved with all their grandchildren.

Doesn't look too grim from his end.

My mum had my sister at 35, she's the youngest in our house, my mum died at 56. When my sister was 21. So despite her husband being the child of a much older mum he still has his mum in his 30s, my sister lost our mum at 21, I lost her at 30 despite being born when she was 27.

@catinboots123 So your arguments very much point to the logical conclusion that if you had had a more elderly parent you would you have rather they made that decision (as anything else is just a selfish decision that shouldn't be contemplated)? I can't believe that's actually the case...

How are you @notsureconfused ?

How old are you? How many children do you have? How financially solvent are you?

In my 20s I went to university,built up a career, had a brilliant time, saw the world, had my life entirely to myself. In my 30s I consolidated my career and started having children. I'm 40 now. My younges is 18months. I'll be delighted to be in the playground at 50. I'm assuming you've very young to feel 50is too old to be in the playground?

I've done so much in my life already and now is my time to enjoy my children and their lives, devote myself to them with a good career all set up, finances straight, stable long term marriage. Everyone's choices are different but I wouldn't change it and having been the child of emotionally immature parents in their 20s and still losing my mum when I was 30 I'm happy with my choices and would remind you life is often quite random.

I completely agree. Older children should never be put into this position. It’s utterly unfair.

“and would remind you life is often quite random”

I think you don’t actually have to inform the OP of that. It’s patronising. She KNOWS that.

Wow. No.

Fucking hell can you shut up!?

This thread is about OP - it's a thread she started for support. Merailing and scoring points off each others ages and DC etc is so unpleasant. Please fuck off and do it elsewhere.

The most important thing is @notsureconfused and how you are feeling now?