To not want MIL for lunch tomorrow?

[Moonphantom]

I will say I do like my MIL generally. PIL died about 8 months ago so I feel mean about resenting her coming for Sunday lunch - but this will be the 5th time since Christmas. Everytime we have a free Sunday DH invites her over. Dh has said he will cook so really I have nothing to worry about. Dd and I were looking forward to a chill day tomorrow though. I'm just a bit sick of it. We are also quite skint - all PILs assets went to MIL but she never brings anything not even a bottle of wine.

Just a bit bored with it tbh.

All I want to do is go for a walk then slob on the sofa with dd watching shite on Netflix! Can't remember the last time we did that. I didn't know he'd invited MIL until yesterday and I was pathetically excited about making a cake with dd then eating it in front of the telly 😅

Having your recently widowed 80 year old mother in law around for Sunday lunch every couple of weeks? A lunch that's going to be cooked anyway for the family by your DH? It can't possibly cost much extra to feed her and it's a kind thing to do.

I think you are BU about the assets but I don’t see why you can go out for lunch with her or just your DH do so, or else he can cook at her house.

The OP has mentioned a few times that they’re skint. I don’t think she’s going to be booking a girls’ night at Malmaison willy nilly. Some people have no idea.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up.
My MIL is on her own. She often comes for tea
& we invite her early so we can spend the day with her.
Why not get your DH to suggest she brings something for dessert that your DD might like as a treat?
I do know what you mean about people not turning up with something when you’ve invited them round.
BIL has never in the 20 years of me being with DH, brought so much as a bottle of cheap wine round. Even on Christmas Day 🤣🤣🤣

She would hate that 😅

She doesn't live far away. Dh sees her three times a week and me once. It just all feels a bit much.

She may need to be told please bring x, her mind might not be headspace to think of bringing things, and she might not realise you are hard up

@Moonphantom

I do understand, but I think it’s one of those things, mil and maybe dh need support from
each other and need the physical presence in each others lives. You must feel very tired too, and life is difficult when you have aging parents, work and children.

@Moonphantom

I also think you don’t have to entertain her, she can just fit in with you, so if you are chilling watching a film, she can too.

So what if she would hate it? It’s your house? If you want to chill in your PJs and watch a film then do it, whether she’s there or not. Obviously she doesn’t have to wear her PJs but she could watch a film with you or she could sit in kitchen and chat to DH while he cooks.

My MIL 84 bereaved and left on her own 3 years ago now comes every Sunday and DH cooks. I don’t make any effort! No make up day and loungewear. It can be a bit annoying but we feel too guilty not to invite her every week. DH eats at hers every Wednesday too. She has an active life too. But she gets depressed if she is alone on Sundays so we don’t have a choice. No other family around for her. So I think YABU even though I understand how you feel. Sometimes she brings wine but usually drinks ours!

I have my mum every Sunday for tea. It’s a better time as dd works in a cafe but also means we can go out / chill during the day then come back for the tea. If she can’t eat too late it could be an early tea after a nice brunch.

I voted yabu cos she's an 80 yo widow and I think its kind to include her in your family life.

But yanbu to feel like it's become a burden. I'm not a fan of expectation and falling into routines. But the being kind aspect trumps that for me.

"Could you go out and run errands while dh is with mil?"

Ffs. Yes op off you pop like a good little wifey. Can't roll my eyes hard enough 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

You'll have to suck it up this week OP but get him told for the next free Sunday that he is not to invite anyone round.

I don't think you are BU ... Sundays are special for chilling and I can understand your resentment, maybe the Sundays she does come over you could drop the weekly visit . Maybe it's MIL overload, so taking the weekly visit out would make the Sunday lunch a bit more special. You sound like a lovely DIL and your feelings shouldn't be dismissed .

I still don't see why your husband can't go round to his mils? He can go in the morning, leave before lunch/go after lunch time. Bring ingredients and cook there.
At the very least he needs to stop inviting her without first running it by you.

I mean he sees her at least 3 times during the week, you also see her during the week. It's not like you don't see her.

My mum comes to us for dinner most Sundays. As someone above mentioned, it's much easier to have a normal day then, you can go out and do whatever you need to do during the day and it's just the evening that involves someone else.

It can be a bit of a bind when I just can't be arsed with her chatter, but she's on her own and it's not much more effort to cook for another person. She never contributes anything, and it's never crossed my mind that she should - this is just a family dinner, not an invitational event.

I hope he moves her in with you all.

How appropriately cruel 😂

I would really resent my husband if he was as petty and heartless towards my widowed parent as you are OP. You mention money an awful lot too, and I would not be surprised if your MIL senses your graspy little hands waiting there. Poor woman.

Well, I voted YANBU because I also love to have a PJ day with my daughter on Sundays. How about you agree to two Sunday every month since you both see her quite a lot in the week, then you can prepare yourself.

Op I would be blunt.

Mil are you happy to go to. Dd sport.
Can we come to yours it's wonderful to host you but unfortunately our budget can't accommodate it every weekend we have to watch our pennies.

Maybe she doesn't realise!

She's grieving her husband and you don't have to cook. Let her visit her son (who's also grieving) and granddaughter on the weekend.

You expect a widow in her 80s to pay for her son's family for lunch? Seriously?