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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL for lunch tomorrow?

337 replies

Moonphantom · 25/02/2023 15:23

I will say I do like my MIL generally. PIL died about 8 months ago so I feel mean about resenting her coming for Sunday lunch - but this will be the 5th time since Christmas. Everytime we have a free Sunday DH invites her over. Dh has said he will cook so really I have nothing to worry about. Dd and I were looking forward to a chill day tomorrow though. I'm just a bit sick of it. We are also quite skint - all PILs assets went to MIL but she never brings anything not even a bottle of wine.

Just a bit bored with it tbh.

OP posts:
Magenta82 · 26/02/2023 09:41

FrostyFifi · 26/02/2023 09:34

@MadinMarch and @Valeriekat The cheek of either of you berating a good, exhausted woman going through a tragicallydifficult time when you are both unpleasant individuals without a shred of empathy astounds me. And actually depresses me that people like you walk among us.

This! People deserve a rest, even if the OP wasn't looking after her DB and visiting her MIL weekly she would deserve a rest.
To speak to her the way some posters have is disgusting even without the other things she is going through.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/02/2023 09:46

SplunkPostGres · 25/02/2023 18:19

One day this will be you; your husband gone and those family days just a memory. Your husband seems lovely and the only reason you have such nice partner is because of this woman. To me it’s non negotiable that you’d welcome her into your home if that’s what your husband wants right now.

What I do think you should talk about, is a more natural ‘come as you find us’ attitude for her visits. She’s family, not the queen.

I’m a lone parent of an only child and I’d hate to think there’ll be a DIL like you in my future.

You didn't read all the OP's posts, did you. Usually a good idea to prevent posting something that makes you look foolish, as this post does.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/02/2023 09:48

Valeriekat · 26/02/2023 08:35

Also a bit of a drip feed v your OP that actually you are an angel. Really?

Totally unnecessary to be as unpleasant as this.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/02/2023 09:49

girlfriend44 · 25/02/2023 21:29

Feel sorry for mil. She has a nice son who wants to cook his mum a proper lunch not just a piece of chappy pizza and his wife is annoyed they haven't been given some of mils inheritance so is annoyed and dosent want her coming round.
Nothing like money to bring out the worst in people. It's her money not yours and if you stop being so nasty you might get some one day, when she passes.

Don't forget you might be bereaved and 80 one day. How would you like to be resented.

My goodness, another one. Read all the OP's posts, FFS.

Original poster
Moonphantom · 26/02/2023 09:54

I've been guilty of just reading the OP on threads myself.

I didn't originally want to go into detail about my brother but clearly me going to help him because he was ill just wasn't enough for some.

Thanks to all those who've seen that I'm tired. DB is in hospital next week and ironically that makes it a bit easier for me so I probably won't need to go up.

The pavlova is looking good. Dd is hoovering. Dh is reading a book. All is calm.

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/02/2023 09:58

Peachy2005 · 25/02/2023 20:30

@Moonphantom of course you didn’t want to go into so much detail with your brother’s wife being a Mumsnetter. People could just have taken you at your word that you have other things going on in your family but that’s not how people behave here: they feel entitled to every gory detail and to rip other posters to shreds.

If it’s any consolation, I don’t believe the nasty posts were from people who had bothered reading more than your 1st post. I don’t understand why people don’t use the “See All” button at the bottom of the OP. I think people just read the first post and then go on a rant, and then OPs who are defending themselves are accused of drip feeding stuff they had wanted to keep private. I think it’s one of the worst things about the site (apart from the fact any post could end up reprinted in the gutter press).

To be fair, for reasons I can't begin to understand, that option isn't available on the app. I agree with the rest of what you say, though. Some people are just entirely lacking in imagination and common sense so jump in to say something, prompted by their often incorrect reading of the OP. They jump to a conclusion coloured by their own circumstances or views. And others come here specifically looking for an opportunity to be unpleasant. Unedifying.

Honkeydonkey · 26/02/2023 10:00

Valeriekat · 26/02/2023 08:32

Wow! You know nothing about me other than a very mild criticism of your behaviour.
My daughter in law thankfully is kind and thankfully I am not a widow.

OP used the same phrase back at you, and you're offended by it?
Pathetic

TangledWebOfDeception · 26/02/2023 10:01

@Moonphantom apologies, I should have included you in the list of people who will grieve your brother and suffer for a lifetime. Insensitive of me! Please do take us all seriously when we say you need to discuss at length with your DH to help him grasp why you desperately need some downtime. I hope he’s a good man and that even in the midst of his grief he will understand and be able to afford you his support. Grief is horrendous and can really take its toll, even on a strong and respectful marriage of individuals who truly love each other.

ItsShiela · 26/02/2023 11:10

I don't understand why you can't just tell your husband you are exhausted, want some family time together, and can he check in with you before he invites his mum over?

zingally · 26/02/2023 11:49

There's no reason why DH can't go to her house. Even if he whacks the oven on and bungs in a shepherds pie and does some veg on the hob... That's no effort.
I'm sure she could do the same easily enough, as presumably she's surviving on something the days she's not at yours.

jannier · 26/02/2023 18:32

OP now I am on a lap top and can actually read all your posts it seems obvious its not your MIL that is the real problem but exhaustion. Having cared for terminally ill family I know how exhausting it can be let alone the worry of the children involved. If you wear yourself out you will be no good to anyone and may end up adding to the problem by getting ill yourself. Have you managed to talk to your OH about how you are coping? you need some time off even if it is an hour or two and Id say lower your standards slob in front of MIL say I,m resting today as caring for my B alongside everything else is getting too much and do it. MIL will have to just accept it. Honesty is often the best way and opening up means you can get some support.....I am jealous of the Pavlova hope it was good.

LookItsMeAgain · 27/02/2023 12:36

How did your Sunday dinner go @Moonphantom ?

Hope you managed to have some downtime.

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