To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

[Rainallnight]

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

Toys are necessary for child development at an age appropriate stage (which changes rapidly alongside interests at that age). I never understood why people limit toys to birthdays and christmases. They’re meant to be a learning resource, it’s companies and manufacturers that have turned them into something they’re not.

Buy the doll! Since when was buying toys for kids "spoiling them"?!

Easter gift?

The answer is they "earn" pocket money for chores then save up for desired items. Once they are older it will be clothes or trips out with friends but for younger ones they spend of toys usually

As long as she understands she's getting it as a treat, and not just because she asked, then I doubt you're spoiling her. It's when kids get everything they ask for that they end up spoiled as they don't understand no.

Why would you buy her tat from a gift shop over something she actually wants?

The shine will have worn off by the next occasion and I think it must be so frustrating being a child and only getting things at arbitrary times set by adults. I think getting it for her randomly is better than making it an Easter present, for example, because then she'll expect an Easter present next year...

Yes get it but not for no reason. She can have it for a good school report, being extra kind or doing extra chores, moving up a swimming level etc. Privileges should be earned.

But I would get to the bottom of the friendship issues, friendship should never be about a specific toy, issues generally run deeper

This is actually insane. I can't believe it.

Do you understand the purpose of play in childhood? Do your children really go without new toys and things to inspire their imagination for most of the year?! My DC get what they're interested in/what they want and birthdays and Christmas are not horrendously over the top affairs.

This is a actually more likely to encourage spoiled behaviour as there is an expectation set.

My children are incredibly privileged and I’m very conscious of it as it is a complete contrast to my own childhood. I have to set artificial limits as financially there aren’t really any at the level of the kind of toys they might ask for. They aren’t very materialistic anyway. They really only ask to go hiking or climbing or swimming or whatever with us, not for things (possibly also because they don’t watch TV with adverts). I think this is pretty normal in comfortably-off families — certainly it’s very much the norm at our fee-paying school.

Oh. I loved going to the toy shop as much as dd did and choosing things to play together! Those were the days...

Get her the doll. I'm having the same debate about a new scooter for my 5yo. It's expensive but her birthday is in December so she has a whole year of no birthday/Christmas. At this age they grow out of things and interests quickly

DC1 & 2 have birthdays near Xmas, so we've always got them a present (usually £30-40) at Easter.

It is nice to have another 'occasion' for them to look forward to. They also enjoy a few decorations and Easter meal/cakes to make.

I have a Christmas child and 51 weeks is a long time to go between birthday/ Christmas. The other one is a bit better spaced, but it's still not realistic to only buy for occasions. Big stuff like technology is normally saved, but smaller things do trickle through the year.

I hold back if the birthday/ Christmas is coming in the next 6 weeks or so.

Buy the doll now. It will mean a lot to her; it's not going to be diluted by all the other presents, and some toys are good for social bonding. If the group moves on from the doll, the doll is still there to play with and enjoy.

Being spoilt isn't about when you get things, it's an attitude of expecting things on demand and not appreciating value and effort. This isn't spoiling.

Ours have always had some bigger gifts between Christmas and birthdays as their birthdays are just before Christmas. The often get pocket money from relatives which they save and if they really want something that is more than they have we usually top it up. Usually in half terms or school holidays when we actually had time to go to a toy shop.

I’d make it an outing as a treat - go to the toy shop on the bus, have a hot chocolate somewhere and then the toy shop. She’ll remember that as a special afternoon for ever!

In 6 years have you never bought your child a treat?!

It could be a reward for something, or she could 'earn' it doing little jobs for you. For instance my DS really wants some minecraft stickers (some fancy 3D pricy ones) and I've told him if he tries his best at his ski race tomorrow and doesn't give up then he will get them as a reward. Or my DD wanted spending money for our holiday last summer so we gave her extra jobs to do to earn the extra money.

We also give presents on Name Days, which are the day of the year that their particular name is celebrated. You could look up Name Days and see if her name has a calendar date attached to it and make that a day for a small present each year. Its particularly useful if it falls a good distance away from birthday and Christmas - my children both have birthdays right near Christmas but their name days are in the spring and summer so gives a chance for summer toys, which feel a bit silly to give in winter.

Buy her the doll! Then take her for a lovely lunch by way of compensation for coming on here and asking if you should buy the doll! Have fun and enjoy seeing the big smile on her face. Life is short. Enjoy!

Is can’t get my head around being so unsure of myself as a parent to ask whether I’m being being unreasonable to buy MY child a gift

Just buy it. I don’t understand the level of angst.

Go out for the day and choose one. It’ll be fun.

I should add, they aren't spoilt. They do get told no when something is too expensive or a bit of a waste of money. They often have to wait for bigger purchases with a bit of saving on their part. One example, my ds wanted stunt scooter, it was something like £250 ish, he had about 120 in his savings and we agreed to pay the rest. That does sound really extravagant but it was for his hobby and he paid part because he wanted a particularly expensive one.

My kids do chores because they have to and it’s tough. No way did I ever pay or bribe them to. It’s part of family life.

This poor child is 6. And has to ‘earn’ the doll that all her friends have (unless it’s from a NT shop). Otherwise she will be spoilt for life and will never ever learn the value of money apparently.

Ridiculous middle class virtue signalling.