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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

513 replies

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:09

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 25/02/2023 09:41

It's £10, you can afford it, buy it.

BellePeppa · 25/02/2023 09:42

Char1otte · 25/02/2023 09:40

This seems so odd to me that there's such a reluctance to buy a small gift because it's not birthday or christmas! There's buying the odd thing, and then there's outright spoiling! This approach of only birthday and christmas is mad!

Sometimes parents are too keen to be ‘perfect’ and doing everything by the book and everything has to be a life lesson. Just buy her the doll and enjoy her delight.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/02/2023 09:43

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 25/02/2023 08:42

Why are you so obsessed with her becoming spoiled?
Why do you think getting a treat every now and then will make her spoiled?

Show quote history

This

Flickfifo · 25/02/2023 09:44

Buy her the toy

and invest in some therapy for yourself to get to the bottom of your lack of confidence in your parenting

PurBal · 25/02/2023 09:44

@Rainallnight Easter present? We do (small) gifts instead of chocolate anyway.

Supergirl1958 · 25/02/2023 09:44

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

If she ‘earns’ it somehow then she will understand that

Dareisayimonetoo · 25/02/2023 09:45

Find a reason and get the doll

Doowop1919 · 25/02/2023 09:46

Sometimes, I'd get a toy just for no reason as a child. I remember feeling so lucky and so grateful. I really don't see anything wrong with it as long as it's not every week.

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 25/02/2023 09:46

I’ve just googled them and they look very much like the kind of thing that would come alive in the night and murder you in your sleep so maybe not? 😄

Crow12345 · 25/02/2023 09:47

If you're worried about spoiling her make her work for it, give her a week or 2 of chores ie clear the table after dinner keep her room tidy etc. At that age the value of something is how much they want it regardless of whether it is £20 or £120.

Emptycrackedcup · 25/02/2023 09:47

Get the doll. I'm still bitter about not having a Cabbage Patch (although in fairness my parents couldn't afford it)

determinedtomakethiswork · 25/02/2023 09:48

Just tell her that she's been such a brilliant girl lately that you want to treat her. Take her out for the day and buy her the doll.

SoShallINever · 25/02/2023 09:48

Aww buy her the doll.
Why would you make her "earn" it?
I bought my DC stuff all the time (without them having to earn it) and they have grown up into amazing caring adults, who aren't entitled in the slightest.
It's not spoiling a child to give it random gifts occasionally.

colasoca · 25/02/2023 09:49

Spoiling is buying unnecessary stuff that no one wants and needs and appreciates. This is something she'd really like and is making her feel left out. That's quite a big difference.
And £20 is not huge to you (different if you were talking £100s.)

category12 · 25/02/2023 09:51

Dareisayimonetoo · 25/02/2023 09:45

Find a reason and get the doll

I don't think there needs to be a reason.

OP, don't you ever treat your husband or him you just because you want to see him smile and vice versa? Even little things like a chocolate bar or book, anything you might say "I saw this and thought of you"?

Don't you ever just do something for yourself to make you feel good?

If you don't, maybe you bloody well should.

Life isn't all about being austere and teachable moments.

It's a about doing little things for each other to make each other happy. This applies to children too.

WinterMusings · 25/02/2023 09:52

@Rainallnight

I definitely agree with your general approach to buying toys.

I was a 70's child. I didn't get toys between birthday (Feb) & Christmas. It made Christmas SO exciting. We didn't make a 'list' of things to get, we made a list of things we hoped to get & it was for Santa to choose which.

I remember one game I got outside of that, but it was rather extreme circumstance and I remember getting colouring books & new pens/pencils when I had my tonsils out.

those things Wouk's be the great memories they are if I had got toys all the time!!

I had plenty of toys/art stuff and my parents made stuff with me, played with me etc. I had a very happy childhood.

buying kids toys all the time takes away some of the excitement of Christmas and the opportunity to learn about delayed gratification IMO and toys aren't played with as much because they have too many/are overwhelmed.

if her birthday is May, she won't need to wait until Christmas would she!

Anyway, I don't have as much self control as my parents & cash is a bit less tight, so I'd take her out to choose one as a special treat.

Newyearnewmeow · 25/02/2023 09:53

It’s not even a ‘big’ present IMO. It’s not as if she asked for a hundred pound bike or something equally expensive it’s just a little treat.
You sound a bit uptight about not spoiling her and only buying nice things for birthdays or Christmas. If my kids really wanted something on occasion and I could afford it I would just buy it to make them happy and see the absolute delight on their faces when I gave it to them.

Drizzlepeacefully · 25/02/2023 09:53

I was a kid who never had the popular toys .. or a tiny version .. inch tall care bear and key ring rubic cube .. occasionally it’s nice to get a toy if it’s not expensive .. I’m sure you can make it a reward for something

AdoraBell · 25/02/2023 09:55

Buy the doll, make up a reason.

Avacadoandtoast · 25/02/2023 09:55

Buy the doll! It will bring so much joy to her. As someone has said above, is her reading really coming on? Or her maths? Or has she done a good painting or learnt to swim recently, you could buy it as a well done! If not, I still think being bought something away from when you ‘have’ to is a lovely thing.

DisforDarkChocolate · 25/02/2023 09:56

Why does she need to earn?

Honestly, give her a gift for no other reason than you love her and it will make her happy.

FourFour · 25/02/2023 09:57

It seems like you've gone the complete opposite to spoiling. We buy toys all year round for ds, he isn't spoilt and when we say no at times he understands. Growing up we couldn't afford anything so we only got toys at Christmas or birthdays and it was sad even back then as I remember. If you can afford it now why wouldn't you?

Nanny0gg · 25/02/2023 09:58

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:09

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

We always did Easter presents...

StoppinBy · 25/02/2023 09:59

Personally I would give her the ability to do chores for cash so she can work towards saving for it herself.

MusicWithRocksIn · 25/02/2023 10:00

I would buy the doll, and start giving pocket money.

My DC (7 &9) get £10 a month each straight into their bank accounts, to begin with they spent it all on magazines and crappy £1 toys but they soon realised it was better to save most of it towards things they really want. I buy things like art supplies and the odd book throughout the year and usually let them spend £10 in the gift shop if we go to e.g. a theme park, but that's only about 3x a year. Anything else they want they buy themselves. It means they don't pester for stuff any more and think carefully about what they really want.