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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

513 replies

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:09

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

OP posts:
Ahhaiknow · 26/02/2023 20:29

I think there is a difference between, never, ever buying anything for a child except birthdays and Christmas and making them to do chores for every single treat…and, literally buying them everything they ask for and most people are a happy medium 😊. to those saying it’s draconian and children can’t be spoilt, if you were going round, say, a supermarket and a child said ‘can I have this’ and ‘can I have this’ would you get it for them every time? I would argue that if you did this, especially with chocolate and sweets it is harmful to the child? It sets a precedent that they expect things and what if, say, your financial circumstances changes so you could no longer afford? On her birthday my DD wrapped her arms round me and said ‘thankyou thankyou thankyou’ for her presents 🥰. If I was buying her things every day of the year I don’t think it would be as ‘special’. Also, there are plenty of other ways of showing love to a child apart from buying things - trips to cinema, alone time with the child, encouragement, support, hobbies…

Ladyfrog59 · 26/02/2023 20:35

Buy her the doll. HTF is buying one doll spoiling her?

OoooohMatron · 26/02/2023 20:39

I don't think it's spoiling so long as she doesn't just get everything she asks for straight away. In other words, buy the doll!

pollymere · 26/02/2023 20:49

I come from a family that always gave gifts at Easter. Or perhaps for her achieving something at school, or buy it and have a reward chart so she can earn it.

LaDamaDeElche · 26/02/2023 21:13

Rainallnight · 26/02/2023 18:10

This is your friendly reminder that I bought the doll

Haha! Sorry for not RTFT. People really annoy me who do that, but...guilty too 🤦🏽‍♀️

Justalittlebitduckling · 26/02/2023 21:21

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

I don’t worry so much about spoiling as about clutter because our house is already full of
toys, and also environmental issues
with plastic etc. But as an occasional treat I don’t see the problem here. Next time you may have to say no, or “wait until your birthday”
etc.

Justalittlebitduckling · 26/02/2023 21:23

Improbablecat · 26/02/2023 19:24

My daughter's birthday is late October so if she got nothing between Christmas and birthday it would be a long sad 10 months with no summer / garden toys!

We have bought really big stuff (like a jungle gym) in summer in the past with the caveat that birthday would be smaller, but in reality we don't make a big fuss over birthdays and Christmas and she gets other toys through the year for various reasons

  • holiday souvenirs
  • earning through chores
  • rewards for trying really hard at something
  • sometimes we just see something awesome and if I know she'd get a lot of play out of it I get her it.

She sees me treat myself the same way to things I fancy. We do get loads of stuff second hand though as I try to be eco friendly so it's rare I'm spending ££££

Yes I’ve wondered about this because my baby’s birthday is in February and so birthday is so close to Christmas.

chaztree · 26/02/2023 21:26

I'd biy the doll, maybe set something for her to achieve to earn it. My daughter's birthday is early Feb, i don't buy her anything big between Christmas and New year because the dates are close, but I definitely buy her things through the year after that.

melj1213 · 26/02/2023 22:05

There's a huge difference between buying your child everything they show even the vaguest interest in "just because" regardless of their behaviour and only buying them anything at birthdays and Christmas (budget permitting, obviously).

DDs birthday is in July so she has 6 months between her birthday and Christmas which is great for spreading out large or expensive gifts and I in no way said yes to every single "Mum, can I have ...?" request but I definitely would buy her the occasional toy or take her on a spontaneous day out "just because", sometimes it would be as small as picking her up from school and handing her her favourite chocolate bar, that I'd picked up from the shop earlier, to eat on the walk home.

DD never knew when these things would happen (tbh half the time I didn't know myself till it happened) and if she was ever ungrateful or acted like she was entitled to the toy/experience then it would have been the last time she received them but she was always thankful and not at all entitled and so it continued.

Even now DD is a teen I'll pick up the odd treat here and there especially if something is on offer - whether it's her favourite chocolate when I'm doing the grocery shopping; picking up a couple of bath bombs when Lush is having a sale; or agreeing to a more "luxury" version of something she needs (eg if she needed new trainers and I agreed to a specific branded pair she wants because there's a sale on the JD Sports website as opposed to just getting her whatever brand is the best value etc) - and again, as long as she doesn't start acting like an entitled brat who expects such things I will continue to do so.

Saoirse82 · 26/02/2023 22:11

Buy her the doll.

melj1213 · 26/02/2023 22:14

Saoirse82 · 26/02/2023 22:11

Buy her the doll.

The OP already has

CrapBucket · 26/02/2023 22:28

I think you ought to take the doll back so you can buy it again and again. Just to follow the advice from everyone who has posted without reading the fucking thread.

I'm picturing a kind of American game show audience all chanting Buy The Doll, Buy The Doll.

Whattodo46 · 26/02/2023 22:44

We get toys through out the year, my 3 children have birthday October, November and January, so it’s better for us to get stuff during the year. We did at one point find that they asked everytime we went into a toy shop/toy aisle in the supermarket and I found this frustrating so we created a “wish list” so if they asked when we weren’t intending on buying something we would say we can add it to the list when we get home and then we would make a more purposeful shopping trip at a later date they could look at their list and see if there were things they still actually wanted rather than asking for stuff on a whim in the shop as soon as they see it. This really worked for us, now they get pocked money and have a go Henry they save up for stuff themselves. It sounds like your dd isn’t just making a request in a whim though, sounds like she’s wanted this a wee while, I’d get it.

CountessWindyBottom · 26/02/2023 22:44

What a Dickensian attitude! A toy at Christmas, her birthday and an occasional treat from a National Trust gift shop. Sounds like an absolute barrel of laughs. Glad you bought the doll and I'm happy that your daughter has gone to bed happy. Asking for a little treat at 6 is not acquisitive, you will not 'spoil' her and she should be able to ask you for a treat that she covets. Lighten up.

Hidihisew · 26/02/2023 22:53

Just buy it as a gift of love! Needs no explanation other than I love you, enjoy

bluebeardswife7 · 26/02/2023 23:13

It definitely became a bit of a pile on. But I am glad you bought the doll.

bluebeardswife7 · 26/02/2023 23:14

And wait till they discover Lego. That is £££

oosha · 27/02/2023 03:08

Why not, just buy her the doll. It doesn’t spoil if it’s not all the time every time surely.

Sizzer40 · 27/02/2023 06:50

It’s £20. If you can afford it and she’s not already spoiled then get it. It’s not like you’re buying her a PS5.

Sizzer40 · 27/02/2023 06:57

Sizzer40 · 27/02/2023 06:50

It’s £20. If you can afford it and she’s not already spoiled then get it. It’s not like you’re buying her a PS5.

Ok I can now see she bought it.
100% still not ever going to read an entire 20 page thread. 🤷🏽‍♀️

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/02/2023 07:01

Sizzer40 · 27/02/2023 06:57

Ok I can now see she bought it.
100% still not ever going to read an entire 20 page thread. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Show quote history

It’s pretty easy to check the OPs posts though

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 27/02/2023 07:02

Sizzer40 · 27/02/2023 06:57

Ok I can now see she bought it.
100% still not ever going to read an entire 20 page thread. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Show quote history

You can filter the OP’s comments but pressing ‘see all’ 😀

Original poster
Rainallnight · 27/02/2023 07:31

CrapBucket · 26/02/2023 22:28

I think you ought to take the doll back so you can buy it again and again. Just to follow the advice from everyone who has posted without reading the fucking thread.

I'm picturing a kind of American game show audience all chanting Buy The Doll, Buy The Doll.

😂😂😂

OP posts:
chillicookie · 27/02/2023 07:57

I get my dd presents all year round for no reason. No one has said she's spoilt, she's very kind and shares everything automatically. Has lots of friends etc. it makes her happy and me happy so I just do it. She does get bigger presents or more for Christmas and birthdays though.

BettyBoops · 27/02/2023 09:50

If you have Facebook have a look on market place, my DD is obsessed with Rainbow High dolls, at £35 a pop they were a little out of my price range (there were a few she wanted on her christmas list 😬) but I got a bundle of perfect condition dolls for a great price.
You might find some bargains near you, in my experience they don't care if they're new in box anyway!