To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

[Rainallnight]

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

Buy the doll if you can afford it. I have never been a fan of rigid joyless scripted parenting styles.

Spoiled is an attitude rather than how much stuff they get imo.

Some people would say that my children get a lot, but they’re not grabby, they never assume, they’re always grateful and they don’t bat an eyelid if they don’t get.

One acquaintance who commented has a DC who technically probably doesn’t get as much as mine, but woe betide her if she tries to leave a zoo or day out without buying something, woe betide Dad if he comes home from a business trip without something and she and thr DC get v.v.v.rude if GPs arrive to visit without a goody bag of toys.

How is it spoiling to buy your child the occasional nice thing?

I'm assuming from your posts that there aren't significant financial pressures, so that £20 or so isn't crucial for food or heating. If it is, then clearly that's a different situation.

Let your DD look back and remember having fun with her friends and her dolls. Don't have her remember how she was only given new toys twice a year. That's really quite sad, to me, if there's no financial pressure dictating it.

I'd say my DC and my friends' DCs (all younger than your DD) get a toy or game in that price range every month or so. There are various systems used, like pocket money, reward charts for chores, special days out, etc. But (appropriate) toys aren't a waste of time and money - children learn a lot through play, including social development when they play with others.

Buy the doll!

I agree find a reason for her to have it, good parents evening/report. Being really helpful, doing really well on reading etc.

My dds never had toys just because as that then leads to pestering and expectation. They usually had christmas/birthday money they could spend for in between or they could "sell" some toys. Usually this was clear out toys which I took to the charity shop and then I buy the thing they wanted.

Worked well for us, dds are now 14 and 10 and are appreciative of money. They don't really ask for much and are very generous with what they have. Eg dd1 cleared out some of her teddies (which do have good resale value) and gave them to her friends sister as it would make them happy.

I'd probably come up with a reason to buy it, good behaviour, help tidy her room, clear out some old toys.

My kids both have winter birthdays and I think it's a long time for kids to go with nothing new.

Never once worried about spoiling my 3 dds. I used to get things as they wanted/needed them. Eg new bikes/summer toys. Probably got them a toy or similar once a month maybe?

Mine gets a monthly subscription that comes with a book and toys/activities that relate to the book - will also get some small toys for Easter, definitely not restricted to twice a year.

I must be way OTT. It would have already been delivered by Amazon by now!

can you buy it for Easter?
i used to buy presents for easter.

Get the doll!!

I am still traumatised I never got those princess shoes with the key in the sole

Most adults buy themselves non-essential stuff when they want. Why are people so extreme with their kids? Kids have to ‘earn’ it, donate to charity, have a proper ‘reason’ to receive something etc.

What happened to buying stuff just because you want to see their faces light up and make them happy? Sometimes you give your kids an extra hug, an unexpected meal out, a surprise visit from their cousins, and sometimes a toy they will love.

My adult kids are frugal and appreciative. I have zero regrets about buying them stuff outside of birthday and Christmas times.

Making a post about this is 🤯 to me.

Do you only buy yourself things at your birthday, Christmas and National Trust shops?

Of course you don’t. Buy her the doll.

How about giving her the doll instead of an Easter Egg? My DC gets loads of eggs from friends and family so we often get them a new toy instead.

The National Trust bit made me cringe a bit. A toy from there is so much more worthy than from Smyths! Bonus points if it’s wooden.

Eggs at £1, why not just treat your child

It's hardly a big present at the price range of under 25 quid. Just buy it.

I personally don’t have new things aside from birthdays and Christmas (aside from clothes and shoes but I buy my children those whenever they need them too). I’m not intentionally depriving myself, I just don’t really have anything I want.

interesting how different people approach buying stuff for their children. It’s a blanket no from me for random gift shop stuff (National Trust, museums etc) but if I can tell there’s something special a child wants mid year I’ll just get it. Won’t be for everything little thing they mention though

I bought my children toys throughout the year for no reason. As long as they play with them I can’t see the problem. Toys have a very important role in children's lives and contributes to the development.

In your position, we didn’t. It was a furbey and all of DD’s friends had one. Her friendships were also a bit precarious. By the time her birthday came round we gave her it and she loved it, but it didn’t quite have the magic. I wish we’d just got her it when she wanted it.

I think I was worried it would be the start of an avalanche of requests. But if it had been we could have dealt with it then.

I bought my kids things often. They have not been spoiled. 2 of them are adults who have left home and I have a wonderful relationship with them both. The teen years were not at all difficult for us and they had a hefty share of the latest tech etc going through them. They are both wonderful, kind and fully functioning people.

Your child's personality will not change if you buy her a toy.

I don't understand this at all. DS's birthday is in January, so if we didn't buy him presents outside of birthdays and Christmases then he'd spend 10 months of the year getting nothing new to read/do/play with. How is it spoiling to buy children things they'll enjoy, as long as they appreciate them and get good use out of them?

i feel sorry for some of your children. A 6 year old in a comfortably well off family shouldn’t be ticking off chore charts, saving their own money, or choosing between a toy and a £3 Easter egg. If you have the money buy her the doll - you don’t need to invent some bullshit reason. “Because I love you” is enough of a reason to buy it for her.

different of course if you don’t have the money but you say you do OP

I don't think buying toys at other times is spoiling- it's very rigid to restrict getting new things to twice a year occasions. I always bought my dd toys she wanted if I thought they were appreciated and appropriate and something she's get a lot of pleasure from.

I buy myself things I want all year if I can afford them- hobby related things, nice makeup and clothes, jewellery, nice things for the house etc. on a needs/wants basis so why should it spoil someone to be bought something just because they want it? Quite the opposite- my daughter sees me working hard so I have money for nice things.

My child gets some things throughout the year as there is no expectation or bad behaviour so I would get the doll