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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

513 replies

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:09

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 25/02/2023 08:20

Does she get pocket money? If not, perhaps now is the time to start. We don’t/didn’t buy toys outside of occasions, but occasions could include Easter, summer holidays treat, reward for being great somehow, subbing 50% of a saved-up-for purchase or a deal made with extra chores etc.

MargaritMargo · 25/02/2023 08:21

Eh?

You don’t buy them anything other than bday and Xmas?

That’s unusual to me, my kids get a new something every couple of weeks. It’s not always a big thing, could just be a couple of new books, some new play dough etc. Sometimes on a weekend I take them to Poundland and let them have a fiver to spend on whatever they want.

They aren’t spoilt, they don’t get everything they ask for. I often say no, you got X last week. Or I’ll say yes I will we get you that if you learn all your words and reading this week from school etc.

Life is short, they’re only this little for such a short time. Buy the doll!

Kids don’t become spoilt just from buying them gifts or toys, they become spoilt because parents fail to model and correct behaviours!

BelindaBears · 25/02/2023 08:22

Badgerandfox227 · 25/02/2023 08:16

My kids birthdays and Christmas are within a month, so we get them things all year round. We do factor this in to Xmas purchases though. We’d usually get them something as a result of something good, or Easter, or school report, having an injection, helping with chores etc. it wouldn’t be a big big thing, but up to £30/40 max, more likely about £20.

Everyone does it differently though, but this works for us

I do this too. It avoids getting too much stuff in December and nothing the rest of the year.

BessieSurtees · 25/02/2023 08:25

@NoSquirrels ha you’ve just reminded me one of my DGC owes me £5 for some Pokémon trash that he “went half with” 🙂

We had our DC’s save money from being small so they could choose to buy stuff at other times of the year, Christmas, birthday and also chores.

FfeminyddCymraeg · 25/02/2023 08:26

I just bought DS (12) Hogwarts Legacy for the princely sum of £75 and it’s not his birthday until May. He’s a great kid and asks for very little, gets good results in school and is generally deserving.

Plus I’m a TERF so it helped ease my pain 😉

Buy her the doll!

SilverGlitterBaubles · 25/02/2023 08:26

I would buy her the doll. With my DCs I would tie it into a reward for something or start giving pocket money to save towards this kind of thing.

TokyoSushi · 25/02/2023 08:27

Gosh, buy the doll! You could go and choose one today if you have a Smyths toys or something near you, she would love it.

Mine get little bits & pieces all the time, just because it's a nice thing to do and we can. I still say no about 90% of the time and we save any big items for Birthdays & Christmas, but spread a little happiness!

CleaningOutMyCloset · 25/02/2023 08:27

Can she work towards it, age appropriate ones

PuttingDownRoots · 25/02/2023 08:28

Easter is coming up. Ask her if she would prefer an Easter egg or doll.

FfeminyddCymraeg · 25/02/2023 08:29

I’ve just seen they are £20-25. Definitely get her the doll. Please. She’ll be so happy and not in the least bit spoilt!

AreBearsCatholic · 25/02/2023 08:29

Could she have a clear out of her unwanted toys and sell them to symbolically earn the money to spend on the doll?
I completely agree with you about the spoiling, though. So far my nearly six year old hasn’t had anything outside birthday and Christmas aside from arts and crafts things. We get lots of secondhand toys from their cousins so they have more than enough to play with. They haven’t yet twigged that they could just ask for things to be bought for them and I’m grateful for the lack of pester power.

Coffeellama · 25/02/2023 08:30

PuttingDownRoots · 25/02/2023 08:28

Easter is coming up. Ask her if she would prefer an Easter egg or doll.

She’s a kid and you can pick up an Easter egg in Morrisons for 75p, just get both.

DESGUSTING · 25/02/2023 08:30

FfeminyddCymraeg · 25/02/2023 08:29

I’ve just seen they are £20-25. Definitely get her the doll. Please. She’ll be so happy and not in the least bit spoilt!

I was expecting it to be like 50/60£ 🙈

Get the doll please she'll be so happy

Smoky1107 · 25/02/2023 08:31

Buy the doll and make your daughters weekend. I buy my dd bits ad her birthday is in December and even though she's 19 I still do it! Just treat her because you can

tiggergoesbounce · 25/02/2023 08:32

I would get her the toy.

Being spoilt is not about stuff, IMO, its a behaviour.

Our DS has loads of toys, goes on loads of days out wherever he wants to go and he is thankful and appreciates that not everyone gets the same. He shares lovely and has great manners.

He does donate his old toys when we have new ones coming in, so he understands the idea of passing it on to others.

If she is a good kid, just tell her that. We have bought you this because you are kind and listen to mum, well done. (Type thing)

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 25/02/2023 08:33

Get her the doll. She'll get more enjoyment and use out of it now than when she also has loads of other gifts and stuff going on for her birthday.

You're not saying yes to everything its one thing. I second the suggestion of a day out with her.

MargaretThursday · 25/02/2023 08:33

If you're worried about spoiling, why not make her earn it.
Do a sheet and she can tick off jobs.
£1 for loading washing in and out of machine and helping hang.
50p for setting table etc.

She'll like the responsibility of that too at 6yo.

Sceptre86 · 25/02/2023 08:34

I'd buy it. I don't tend to buy toys all year round but this isn't particularly expensive, it's not like not having a games console affecting a friendship when you have a limited tech rule.

I'm not a fan of kids who whine for a toy every time they pass a shop but I don't think you have that issue.

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 25/02/2023 08:36

Just buy it, surprise her, enjoy her pleasure and enjoy your ability to be able to treat her from time to time.

I get occasional small little gifts for friends ... flowers, food, something I saw that I thought they d like. ...don't you?

Enjoy,the pleasure it gives her .. and dont over complicate.

cordeliaflynne · 25/02/2023 08:36

It's fine to treat once in a while. If gifts outside Christmas and birthdays are something you don't really do it will probably make such a special memory for her. If you can afford it, treat her for no reason and enjoy it.

LubaLuca · 25/02/2023 08:39

I don't know what this specific doll is, but it seems it costs only about £20. I'd class that as a 'just because I want to treat you' level of gift.

Has she been good and kind? Did she get a good report from school? Any awards? Use something like that as the excuse, and stop the pointless hand wringing - do you seriously think a child's character could be spoiled by one lovely surprise? 🤨

midgemadgemodge · 25/02/2023 08:41

My only worry would be that she sees the doll as a way to resolve friendship problems and it might not work like that
?

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 25/02/2023 08:42

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

Why are you so obsessed with her becoming spoiled?
Why do you think getting a treat every now and then will make her spoiled?

KTheGrey · 25/02/2023 08:43

If she feels socially excluded because things cost money she may just learn to put up with social exclusion and pennilessness because she doesn't deserve to have either. That's not a fun or a healthy time.

If she can "earn" some pocket money and choose her doll then she can learn that things cost money but she can obtain money and things if she tries. Hopefully that will be empowering.

tsmainsqueeze · 25/02/2023 08:43

Buy the doll , if this were a book i bet you wouldn't think twice.
She is only little for such a short time and it will make her so happy.

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