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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy DD a present between birthday and Christmas.

513 replies

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:09

DD is desperate for a Rainbow High doll. She’s 6. I think it’s a bit tied up with friendship issues because it’s become a thing on her friendship group and she feels left out when they play with them.

Her birthday isn’t until June.

We usually don’t buy ‘big’ presents outside of birthdays or Christmas.

We can afford it, I just worry about spoiling. What do other people do about toys outside of birthdays or Christmases.

YABU - Buy her the bloody doll.
YANBU - hold out till Christmas

OP posts:
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 26/02/2023 07:55

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 07:53

Oh good heavens.

you think a child of 7 to not have had any cause to budget or think of money or really care is… behind

You had a very very tough childhood . It would seem that you’re trying to replicate that in some way for your own children 😞

Considering I said I was sa in childhood and placed in care why would you say I'm trying to replicate that with my children that's sick. Are you OK

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 07:55

Lots of three years old are In nappies or at least night time nappies

meanwhile your 3 year old @Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy knows that mummy will never ever buy her anything unless birthday or Christmas. She must dust or garden for money and save up

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 07:57

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 26/02/2023 07:55

Considering I said I was sa in childhood and placed in care why would you say I'm trying to replicate that with my children that's sick. Are you OK

Show quote history

Replicate a tough childhood

Dozens upon dozens of mothers in this thread think your approach to making a toddler earn money for treats is tough

and yet it doesn’t dawn on you that perhaps your thinking about how important it is to instil in a toddler earning money for treats is…. Tough

3kidswouldfinishanyoneoff · 26/02/2023 07:59

Buy her the doll, she's six. Have you never bought your child something just to see their little face light up.

CurlewKate · 26/02/2023 08:03

Buy her the doll. No fake reason, no earning. You're teaching her that it's good to do nice things for other people, and to have nice things done for her. And that's the best lesson ever.

Schnooze · 26/02/2023 08:06

Flickfifo I think you’ve been a bit hard and picked on Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy a bit. Dog with bone comes to mind.
Neither of you are wrong, just different parenting styles. The occasional treat doesn’t do any harm, but always treating probably isn’t great either. Like everything there is a balance.

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 08:07

Schnooze · 26/02/2023 08:06

Flickfifo I think you’ve been a bit hard and picked on Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy a bit. Dog with bone comes to mind.
Neither of you are wrong, just different parenting styles. The occasional treat doesn’t do any harm, but always treating probably isn’t great either. Like everything there is a balance.

I have been hard on her. I see that.

but her first post criticising those dependent on benefit

but then transpired that she herself is heavily in receipt of benefits

it set the tone really…

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 08:08

Added to which, no one has said they think endlessly treating her child continually is a good idea!

Coffeellama · 26/02/2023 08:23

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 08:07

I have been hard on her. I see that.

but her first post criticising those dependent on benefit

but then transpired that she herself is heavily in receipt of benefits

it set the tone really…

Show quote history

I mean it set the tone, but then you’ve set it lower, accusing her of replicating her awful and traumatic childhood for her children because she wants them to no the value of money. You look far worse than she does, and I saw this as someone who butted heads with her earlier in the thread.

There’s nothing wrong with getting your kids to do token jobs to earn money, it gives kids control and responsibility over something very small in their own lives, it’s not everyone’s way of doing it but it certainly isn’t abusive or negligent. Not sure you fully understand what sort of stuff kids in care go through, I can assure you earning pocket money isn’t the worst of it though.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 26/02/2023 08:24

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 08:07

I have been hard on her. I see that.

but her first post criticising those dependent on benefit

but then transpired that she herself is heavily in receipt of benefits

it set the tone really…

Show quote history

I didn't criticise anyone on benefits like you said I'm on pip and like many others on benefits i work too so still work for my money. I said the reality of life is you have to earn money and someone said that wasn't the reality of her life so I said so your on benefits

Coffeellama · 26/02/2023 08:24

CurlewKate · 26/02/2023 08:03

Buy her the doll. No fake reason, no earning. You're teaching her that it's good to do nice things for other people, and to have nice things done for her. And that's the best lesson ever.

She bought the doll, updated the thread and buggered off yesterday.

Original poster
Rainallnight · 26/02/2023 08:26

And provided a further update late last night

OP posts:
JMSA · 26/02/2023 08:29

Of course buy her the doll Confused

Coffeellama · 26/02/2023 08:29

JMSA · 26/02/2023 08:29

Of course buy her the doll Confused

Of course, read the OPs posts!

JMSA · 26/02/2023 08:30

Rainallnight · 25/02/2023 08:16

For people who buy tous all year round, do you worry about spoiling? Ours will get something small from eg a National Trust shop on a day out, but not on a ‘can I have this thing I want’ basis.

We’re quite comfortably off and I want her to understand things cost money.

Don't be joyless Smile

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 08:32

Coffeellama · 26/02/2023 08:23

I mean it set the tone, but then you’ve set it lower, accusing her of replicating her awful and traumatic childhood for her children because she wants them to no the value of money. You look far worse than she does, and I saw this as someone who butted heads with her earlier in the thread.

There’s nothing wrong with getting your kids to do token jobs to earn money, it gives kids control and responsibility over something very small in their own lives, it’s not everyone’s way of doing it but it certainly isn’t abusive or negligent. Not sure you fully understand what sort of stuff kids in care go through, I can assure you earning pocket money isn’t the worst of it though.

Show quote history

Fake point

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 08:33

Fair point!!!

motherofqilins · 26/02/2023 09:53

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I admire what strong independent children you are teaching them to be. At the same time I do think it is harsh to teach them to never expect a random act of kindness or joy in live. Like most people I think I do even now sometimes experience and more often reciprocate small gifts/treats that are meant to make close family/friends happy.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 26/02/2023 10:13

motherofqilins · 26/02/2023 09:53

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I admire what strong independent children you are teaching them to be. At the same time I do think it is harsh to teach them to never expect a random act of kindness or joy in live. Like most people I think I do even now sometimes experience and more often reciprocate small gifts/treats that are meant to make close family/friends happy.

They have joy by days out to the beach, soft play, cinema, picnics, zoos, swimming, parks ect they also get a lot of joy from me playing with them baking, arts and crafts, board games ect. I just don't buy them toys except on birthdays and Christmas as they have a million and they can buy whatever they want with the money I give them every week. If I bought them toys and sweets every week what would they spend their pocket money on. I personally think its better for them to really think about what their wanting and whether they want to use their money on it or save their money and get something better. Their also so proud of themselves when they've saved up and got something they really want it means they really appreciate it and they look after their stuff.

motherofqilins · 26/02/2023 11:39

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy no one is saying to buy gifts every week.

NashvilleQueen · 26/02/2023 11:43

Do you wait for birthdays or Christmas to buy yourself something?

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 11:45

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy

has no one ever bought you a present if not Christmas or birthday?

and if they have, wasn’t it lovely for you?

Flickfifo · 26/02/2023 11:47

Only someone who hasn’t had the pleasure of knowing someone thought of them outside of birthday and Christmas and got them a little treat… just because for no reason other than just because they knew they’d love it

would have this stance for their own children

Ellmau · 26/02/2023 13:39

I see you've already bought it but it hasn't arrived yet.

Why not make it an Easter present?

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 26/02/2023 13:48

NashvilleQueen · 26/02/2023 11:43

Do you wait for birthdays or Christmas to buy yourself something?

I don't buy myself things that aren't essential I don't have money for that all my money goes on my kids. I don't really no any parents who do that unless they have money

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