DH constant comments & moaning about stuff

[CostoflivingDH]

Like most others our family have had to rethink budgeting. We can no longer afford to buy all branded stuff and I’ve made quite a few changes to our grocery shop.

DH is constantly ‘commenting’ and really annoying me.

’oh can’t we afford Charmin anymore this toilet roll is not very good, you need to use twice the amount’

’This bacon is so thin it all breaks up and you can’t cook it properly’

’I don’t like this brown sauce, why can’t we have HP?’

’Are you sure this detergent cleans as well as Ariel?’

’I need Heinz beans, these taste like shit’

’Are these the cheap, basic range eggs? We should get free range where the chickens can roam’

’The chocolate on these biscuits tastes cheap, where’s the chocolate hobnobs?’

and on and on. I’ve explained as he well knows that everything costs more, he obviously knows this but just responds with ‘it’s a false economy though as most of this is either shit or you have to use twice the amount’. I’ve suggested he does the shopping but he refuses.

I’m a savvy shopper and am good at finding offers and bargains.

Does this cause friction in your household? He’s otherwise a reasonable human being and not bad husband.

Assuming you're both working to full capacity and earning capability, and you've both agreed that the food budget is where you want/need to make cutbacks, then I agree with you.

However food shopping is an area I wouldn't want to economise on (for health reasons and better quality food rather than branded junk tbh), and I would be very upset if my partner was economising on it in preference to earning to full capacity or cutting back on alcohol/smoking or social life or fashion or beauty products or expensive hobbies or flash cars or expensive haircuts etc.

Basically I'd expect a good food budget that allows high quality food to be seen as an essential and to be prioritised over any non essential luxuries.

What's the normal portion size for baked beans? a whole tin per person? Genuinely asking, I wasn't born in UK so baked beans were something I encountered here and I've always served a half a tin per person.

And in the topic, I would suggest doing a budget with your DH and agreeing to it, he may or may not get hobnobs or bacon every day.

That’s just greedy, no one needs a whole tin of beans. As for free range eggs, does he not know that the hens are all indoors at the moment because of avian flu? For the rest, buy what he insists on having and make him pay.

Is your DH brand snob??
or is he genuealy taste the difference??

Some people swaer by Aldi's bake beans, that are much beter than Heinz

Are you able to switch packaging? and see if he really can taste that its cheper product??

My FIL is a bit of brand snob, but my MIL for few months now is swopping for cheaper products, and puts them in original containers and so far he didnt complain or made a comment that it tastes different.

Well he's right; cheap toilet paper is a false economy, as is cheap washing up liquid and plenty of other stuff. Personally I find cheap beans just as good as Heinz, but cheap brown sauce is too sweet. But if you can't afford the more expensive stuff then just tell him if he wants HP he needs to earn more.

They can call them free range for a certain length of time. Then they have to say they’re indoors. I think , where possible, producers are putting them into big barns with things to keep them entertained!

This.

Is there anything less attractive than a whiny man?

Insist he take the shopping on or be quiet.

Cut out any items he likes when shopping too, as a further point!😁

Chickens kept indoors due to bird flu will be very similar to chickens raised for barn eggs and standard supermarket chicken meat.

In reality there isn't that much difference between supermarket barn and free range eggs or chickens, except that normally with the latter, there are doors that allow the chickens to leave the barn, but many don't actually bother to do so.

Some people swaer by Aldi's bake beans, that are much beter than Heinz

That wouldn't be difficult, Heinz products are generally awful and they usually perform very poorly in any sort of blind test, even amongst the 'I could only possibly eat Heinz ketchup/beans/soup' crowd.

No this is not an issue in our household. Because we are a team and know what's going on in both in the world and in our household. Sure, DH or I might comment (and did the other day) that this chicken tastes of nothing or whatever, but we don't moan and make it the other person's problem.

We try things to see if we can live with a cheaper product. We’ve gone back to a more expensive loo roll, more expensive frozen chips and more expensive coffee. We do agree on everything though. My DH used to insist on Heinz beans but I bought various cheaper brands without him knowing. He couldn’t tell the difference. 😂

Why on earth is he moaning to you. Tell him to do the shopping if he’s not happy, if he refuses every time he tries to whinge tell him to grow up, you are not his mother.

This!

I do all the budgeting and shopping. Yes, there have been changes in what is bought but me & DH love a bargain. I’m your position I’d just go on strike tbh. I have done in the past when DH has been a fucking child about something. He soon learned that I’m not his mother and I did not set out to marry a hulking great man-toddler.

‘Darling, if you want xxx Tesco is just down the road.’

Every. Single. Time.

Not an issue in our house, however, I would economise on certain things over others and given the luxury of a choice the eggs and loo roll would be the last things I’d cut down on.

but not everyone has the luxury of choice, so…

Remind him that hes an adult in the household not an extra child so behave accordingly. He needs to learn to live within affordable means and quit whining. Sure we would all like the dearer options but we can't always afford them. The cost of everything has gone up whilst wages etc don't go up much to accomodate it. Send him shopping and i bet he'll moan about the cost once he goes to pay for it all and wish that you'd shopped for you all instead

I’d probably think he had a point about some of it, but the moaning while refusing to take any responsibility would piss me off no end. And while I understand poster suggesting things like asking him to compromise on certain number of items etc, he’s not an awkward teenager you’re trying to teach, he’s an adult man, he can have a conversation with you about it, he can get involved in the work of it. Not just whine.

He needs to initiate a conversation about mutually agreeable and attainable budget priorities, not just whine.

I'd show him the shopping list with prices of everything, tell him the budget for the shop, and tell him to make his choices on what he is/isn't prepared to compromise on. That way he can't blame you for the choices he's made.

Or similarly, do the list showing everything using the cheaper prices & give him a budget for upgrades e.g. total shop using own brands is £90, he can spend up to another £10 on upgrading items of his choice.

I can’t believe this has practically turned into a discussion about free range eggs, if buying eggs from caged hens mean a family has a meal surely this is better than not eating?
In this coat of living crisis people have to eat what they can afford and don’t deserve to be judged!

*I don’t eat eggs so I’m not invested either way!

tell your dh to make more money then if he isn't happy, otherwise put up & shut up.

Sorry to be frank, but you sound like you're really trying your best despite the current situation and all he is doing is moaning and bitching without trying to bring a solution to the table.

Stuff like cheap tinned beans and spaghetti can easily be made more tasty by adding spices. Or you could buy a bag of haricot beans and make your own baked beans.

We had to buy Charmin recently because the quilted one from Lidl that we usually buy was out of stock. Now that (the Charmin) really is rubbish in comparison. You did say he was a decent human being apart from complaining about the quality, but he given that he also complained about the quantity of beans, perhaps not so much?

Geez, the moaning would piss me right off. He can either engage in a proper adult discussion or shut up.

Regarding your budget, you could save loads on loo roll, washing powder and pretty much all non-food items. Food is more of a personal preference. I would rather have my preferred item less frequently than either sub with something I like less or have 1/2 portions.

Suggest you sit down with him one evening with a shopping list.

He can pull up a supermarket website on his phone and put together a basket with his preferred items.

You do the same with the cheaper items.

Show him the price difference.

If he still wants the expensive versions then ask what else should be cut instead.