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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The stupid takeaway.

464 replies

Gworlie · 24/02/2023 20:30

My OH has been away for a week and came back today. He turned up this evening with a Chinese takeaway for himself. Didn't even say he was getting one or asked if I wanted one. I've worked all week and done all childcare, which is fine, but when I said "well that's a bit shitty, I'm knackered and hungry too" his response was "well cook something then". I'm raging but he's acting like I'm being crazy.

OP posts:
SarahsHoneydew · 26/02/2023 18:14

Not a lot riles me but I’d have hit the roof at that one. So unbelievably selfish and thoughtless, I would have ignored the cost and thrown it in the bin before he got to eat it and told HIM to cook something!

Morganrae1 · 26/02/2023 18:30

Wow!! On what planet is he living? You need to speak to him reasonably and let him know that this is not normal behaviour.

Mothership4two · 26/02/2023 18:31

I'm quite laid back and DH and I rarely row but this would have caused a major barney. If it had been my DH it would have been thoughtlessness rather than deliberate. I'm pretty sure he would have slapped his forehead and apologised immediately. I would be perplexed by the continual lack of apology, understanding or discussion. OP's DH is making things worse with his shitty attitude.

AllyArty · 26/02/2023 18:33

Not OK🤬. U deserve better.

Arniesleftleg · 26/02/2023 18:34

Order all of the neighbours a takeaway on his card 🤣

T1Dmama · 26/02/2023 18:38

I’d get up later during TV time and make yourself a coffee/tea… walk in and sit down with it!…. I would do this all evening and not once offer or make him a drink!
If he says anything I’d respond ‘well if you want one go do yourself one’
no doubt he’ll say you’re being petty but just point out ‘treat others how you’d like to be treated hubby!!

Mmpip · 26/02/2023 18:41

He sounds like a Prince....Yuk 😟

SchoolTripDrama · 26/02/2023 18:43

@Guis Eh!? I never said she was ignored?! Are you quite alright? You're not making much sense. Genuine question

HauntedPencil · 26/02/2023 18:48

I would have been absolutely livid with this. How thoughtless.

Snazzysausage · 26/02/2023 18:52

Imo the fact that he knew you'd been at work til 6pm makes it worse and despite that you'd offered to drive over to the station,pick him up then cook dinner. If ever there was a time for him to say "let's get a takeaway to save you cooking" that was it. Some thing surely must have happened over his week away. It's so dismissive and hurtful.

MyStarBoy · 26/02/2023 18:56

Next weekend please order yourself a delicious curry.

Give him a taste of his own nasty selfish medicine.

Then ditch the bastard.

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 26/02/2023 19:08

HollyGolightly4 · 24/02/2023 20:33

It's rubbish.

But order one for yourself and ensure he doesn't answer the door.

This one OP.

DEFINITELY DO IT!!!

Pigwig10 · 26/02/2023 19:10

There is absolutely no way either myself or my DH would do something like this. To bring home a takeaway without checking to see if your partner or children want anything first is awful. It sounds petty, being a takeaway meal, but it’s the complete lack of thought and consideration for your family that makes it so bad. And to then act like your anger is unwarranted and be so dismissive is disrespectful. I hope you let us know the outcome OP and that your partner realises how wrong he got this.

Danielle8p · 26/02/2023 19:11

Was he home late? Might he of assumed you'd already had dinner? Would of been nice if he'd checked though

Mothership4two · 26/02/2023 19:21

Danielle8p · 26/02/2023 19:11

Was he home late? Might he of assumed you'd already had dinner? Would of been nice if he'd checked though

OP has said he got back at 6.30 and she finished work at 6. If he was late she probably would have already eaten and this thread wouldn't exist!

LouDeLou · 26/02/2023 19:28

I’m gobsmacked that women put up with this shit 😲

Flecka1 · 26/02/2023 19:37

This is unkind, selfish and it sounds like he has little respect for you. Is this where you want to be ? A week away he’s forgotten his responsibilities and makes me wonder what he’s been doing whilst he’s been away ……

Zoejj77 · 26/02/2023 19:49

My dad used to do that type of thing to my mum when they were married. Selfish arse. Triggers me now

CeltictigerMum · 26/02/2023 19:52

K.N.O.B

Bleachmycloths · 26/02/2023 20:05

Has he got someone else on the side?

Blueink · 26/02/2023 20:23

MMAS · 26/02/2023 18:01

First of all you call him OH rather than DP which technically is a red flag, I voted YABU because basically I feel he doesn't deserve this lambasting. He has been away for a week - you knew he would be coming home yet no dinner ready? He would have known this and, therefore quite rightly, provided his own food - what is wrong with that ? If you are that unhappy, maybe it is time to address that rather than slag him off on this forum.

OP called and offered to collect agreed OP would cook and they would eat altogether.

’OH’ or ‘DP’ turned up with take away for one. OP as well as DC were upset by this.

The DP was belligerent after their thoughtless behaviour, accepted no responsibility, did not say sorry, did not offer to share anything or order more food.

The DP put their suitcase by the washing machine for the OP to load

The OP does most of the work at home despite also working 31 hours out of the home, approx 74% of DP hours.

DP had been away for a week on a jolly to see friends for 4 days and had also seen family for 3 days. OP had been at home working 31 hours plus all work in the home and childcare.

Perhaps OP refers to ‘OH’ in RL or after the above couldn’t bear to type out DP. There are red flags 🚩 in the above, that is not one.

Poodles23 · 26/02/2023 20:30

That’s what I thought

2023willbemyyear · 26/02/2023 20:37

Oh my gosh even my most narcissistic of ex boyfriends had the capacity to ask me if I wanted something when they stopped for food on the way back.
Even if he works 100 hours a week, it isn't your job to do his laundry, unless you take it in turns to do the laundry. Don't de value the work you do as a mum as less than him going to work.

MrsCooper84 · 26/02/2023 20:40

Honestly, you say that you’re tired and have had a stressful week with child care and work BUT ask yourself whether it got that little bit worse when he came through the door. From what you have said, he sounds incredibly selfish and disrespectful and you are certainly better off without that x

Morechocmorechoc · 26/02/2023 20:48

Dinner update?!!

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