To have said no to babysitting DS’ girlfriends children?

[mdfriend]

Looking for an unbiased opinion to see if I'm BU. DS is 17, he's been in a relationship with a woman for about 2 months. She's 23 and has 2 DCs, 4 and 2.

I'm not happy about the relationship due to her age, and I think it's moving too quickly with DS meeting her children already.

A couple of weeks ago, I came back home and the 2 year old was here with DS, apparently, his gf had asked him to look after her whilst she took the eldest to an appointment. I wasn't happy as I wasn't asked and again, their relationship is new.

DS has asked me to look after her children next weekend so they can go out on a date, apparently her family aren't involved neither are the children’s fathers and usually her friend looks after them but she's also busy.

I've said no, which DS has said I'm being unfair and selfish as I won't be doing anything anyway. I've also never met the eldest, and only met the youngest briefly.

WIBU by saying no?

I'm sure there was an almost identical thread to this a while ago.

DS has asked me to look after her children next weekend so they can go out on a date, apparently her family aren't involved neither are the children’s fathers and usually her friend looks after them but she's also busy. I've said no, which DS has said I'm being unfair and selfish as I won't be doing anything anyway.

Oof, that attitude needs slapping down very firmly. You really don't want him turning into one of those men who feels entitled to childcare from the nearest female. I know he's only 17 and they don't necessarily have much sense at that age, but male entitlement and social conditioning are both very pervasive things. Plus if you say yes once you're going to get lined up for it for the entire relationship.

Yes, I'm afraid this situation is ridiculous. He needs a LOT more discipline. He's a teenage boy who doesn't support himself or do anything constructive, and he's being permitted to go off and get laid, with a very questionable partner, and mom's buying the condoms?

At this point I'm surprised his girlfriend knows what a condom is, nevermind that she is letting him use them

YANBU
I wouldn't be happy about the relationship. Your DS is still a child.

The OP needs some relations her son can go and "visit" for an indefinite period of time that are miles away but preferably abroad.

YANBU also the word paedophile springs to mind!!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

If that was my son and he asked for my help in taking his new girlfriend out on a date, I would say "of course!". Not because I'm expected to be grandma after two months, but because my sons girlfriend needs a babysitter to go out on a date with him - especially because she has little support around her.

Your son's relationship is not your to control, even if you can see him getting in to a situation that might not turn out well, you need to let him make those decisions and mistakes for himself - as hard as that may be.

Watch the kids, be a support for him as then he will be more likely to come to you in the future for help and not feel like you will just judge him.

Teenage boys (or girls) can't be in an adult "relationship," it's just fucking absurd!

I probably wouldn't give an answer at this stage, but say that I wouldn't be prepared to make a decision about babysitting until I had met the gf properly...it stalls for time, makes you look as though you haven't dug your heels in.

I'd be inviting her over for tea with her kids / getting to know her. Not necessarily out of niceness, but not quite 'keep your enemies close', but not far off that.

No . And keep saying no . He will then get fed up with staying in and hopefully the rose tinted specs will fall off . He's in lust at the moment . Hopefully he will see sense and be out and about having fun with his mates as he should be at 17 .

My first steps would be to meet on neutral ground, trip to the park, and an ice cream. Nothing more, meet her, meet the kids. Go from there, maybe a picnic next time and so on, nothing to quick. Take it slow, explain saying life with kids is complicated and he needs to learn that.

Remember she may stick around and become family with that in mind, don't be a horror towards her, you can't undo that. As the daughter-in-law, they didn't want, impressions to matter and you don't get a do over.

I was a similar age as the GF with children but OMG 23 and 17 is insane. They can't have much been dating more than a year. And he's in college or year 13...

Nuts. She needs to date someone her age.

He doesn't want her to meet the girlfriend- just look after the girlfriends kids.

Our son is just turned 16, I see women giving him the eye (he's tall, good looking, training 5/6 a week). I regularly use the word 'school' repeatedly and loudly when I catch them. It's easy to see how in civvies it can happen.

No, do not legitimize this relationship with picnics and such. It's inappropriate and extremely high risk of derailing his entire life with an unintended pregnancy.

Not to mention the inappropriate effect on him psychologically. An adult woman with parental responsibility is using a minor for sex and apparently for babysitting. Is she cadging money off of him too? Why isn't she providing the condoms? Has she had a recent STD test? It's just wrong on so many levels. I would be a lot more proactive about removing him from the situation.

Ultimately it IS a woman who decides to get pregnant by not using contraception. It is HER body and HER decision. If she doesn't want a baby then she knows what to do.

The circumstances of another woman's pregnancy aren't your business and presumably she chose to keep the children so she doesn't need to do anything (or because she was coerced in some way, and couldn't do anything). The issue here is firmly that the DS and OP should not be babysitting and the fact she's dating a 17yo.

whybeabitch
I'd probably consider it if DS was 17, his girlfriend was 18/19, they'd been together more than 8 weeks, hadn't rushed into inappropriately introducing adults into the child's life. If I'd met the girlfriend and the children then I'd feel happier about it.

I'd be wary of two teenagers being teenagers, and would strongly advise they sort their contraception out, but I wouldn't be an arse.

A 23 year old adult who has 2 children by two men, neither are involved, no involvement of her DC's paternal families, no involvement of her family, dating a 17 year old boy, both in a situation where yet another fella has been introduced to the children within a couple of weeks, and the 17 year old boy is already providing childcare and expecting his mother to babysit and buy his condoms isn't a situation most parents would want to facilitate.

YANBU I would have been very worried with this situation when DSs were younger. You don't want to do it OP, you don't like the situation and are unhappy about it - no is a perfectly reasonable response.

He sounds immature but he is only 17. Spending Saturday nights in with the children is all part of being a family and they can pay for a babysitter if it's that important. There are drawbacks to dating a single mum several years older than you, it's probably a good idea for him to experience a pretty minor one.

I do find it odd that OP hasn't met the gf and she's happy to hand over her children to a stranger

I’m mainly judgemental over the fact they’ve been together for such a short time and she’s willing to leave her kids with you. I trust hardly anyone to look after my kid. Someone I hardly know would be out of the question. Sod going on a date.

Maybe you could tell him those two very young children need to be home and in bed, so their mother needs to pay for a babysitter to watch them in her own home.

Please make sure your son is using condoms. She will be pregnant again soon.

How the fuck do you work that one out, Miss Marple??!

Depends on the country, but in the UK legal sex is 16, so at 17 in the eyes of the law they are doing nothing wrong. By shunning the relationship it's more likely to go in ways that are unwanted, OP poster needs to hold her nose and keep an eye on what's happening. If she is shut out that it's anybody's guess how it could up.

Well if he doesn’t use condoms then it doesn’t really take a detective to work out she could get pregnant, she’s clearly not used reliable contraception before has she.

Does he go out with any mates from school who can talk reason with him?
I'm sure they'd be WTF even though the idea of an older girlfriend with her own house might seem like the ideal scenario....until real life kicks in.