to expect him to have been fed?

[Workyticket]

DS is 11, he sorts his mates coming round etc these days and I only really get in touch with their Mums if the kids want to go somewhere new (they play out a little but only at agreed places)

He was at his mate's house today from 10 am until about 3pm and came home ravenous

We had the same mate at ours for a sleepover last weekend (11 am to about tea time the next day so he had breakfast, dinners and teas here)

He often comes after school and I make him tea before he goes home. He's had takeaways here etc. I'm definitely a feeder and make meals I know ds' pals like.

DS was cagey about whether his mate had lunch while he was there but he wasn't offered anything. His dad was home.

Absolutely no money issues - similar jobs to us, we've been at extravagant parties they've thrown etc

DS had his bank card and I've reminded him he could have nipped to the shop by his mate's house or to the chippy but tbh I did think they'd maybe offer him some lunch!

I do not feed teenagers lunch at my house. I do expect my DCs to take their friends into the kitchen and together make lunch for all of them. I am not running around making sandwiches for 14 year olds. Its not a big deal to do.

I do not feed teenagers lunch at my house

^ they're 11 not 13/4 though.

What position ?

His day isn't going to be ruined if you simply ask him - did his friend eat when he was at his house

It's not a big deal

Either his friend ate something and didn't offer your son

Or

Both boys didn't eat

We do the same at weekends...kids lie in so it's sometimes 11am before we have breakfast, noones ready for lunch then so we just wait till dinner and the kids just have a snack in between if their hungry 🤷‍♀️

This!!

But not expect a dad to be able to be present with his 3 children and ensure they were fed? Arse backwards

I didn’t mean to quote that particular quote. Ohh no I completely agree don’t allow them to have your crunchies 😂
I would have expected the same as you in all honesty bless him 😊

Isn't it? Falling over themselves to absolve the men of any responsibility whatsoever.
I shudder to think what sort of specimens some posters are shacked up with, excusing them every step of the way in their utter fecklessness.

Maybe they just didn't think. Our schedules go a bit out the window during the holidays. My 11 year old sleeps in so might have only had breakfast about 10/11 so might not need feeding again for a while. Also if he's used to his kids asking for food he might have just left them to it till they said they were hungry.

I doubt it was anything more than just a bit thoughtless and wouldn't give it much thought.

10-3 is not exactly a whole day without food! I’m sure 5 hours is fine and he won’t starve !

My son isn't allowed out on his own, but my friends (older) children are allowed out as long as they stay together and sometimes knock on our door to see my son. I always offer them a drink straight away and sometimes a piece of fruit/digestive biscuits or something but not a full meal. I actually use mealtimes as a reason to send them home. My son has never turned up unannounced and eaten at thier house though, so your situation is a bit different as it seems harsh when you have fed the other boy a lot.

Is it possible that he was offered food but it wasn’t to his taste so he turned it down? Hence why he’s being cagey.

This sounds like an informal, extended drop in rather than the sort of pre arranged play date younger kids might have. In which case, the dad may have assumed your DS would have gone home if he wanted anything to eat. TBH my DH probably wouldn't have thought of offering food. In fact a friend of mine was out all day and came home to find that her DH hadn't even remembered to feed his own kids! Every time she went out after that, she made them packed lunches.

I had this with my son as a teenager when he was at other houses. Either meals did not appear at all or when food was offered at random times it would always be bought in pizza or some other takeaway with nothing else. I'm not suggesting people lay on a banquet or that there's anything wrong with the odd take away but this happened repeatedly with some families. Whenever we fed them we'd offer a main meal if it was lunch/tea time, always offer some veg/healthy options and check they weren't still hungry etc. I know teenagers are capable of getting snacks themselves but it was apparent some families never ate together and what was in the house was pretty rubbishy. Sad really... at least he could come home to something decent.

We tend to eat breakfast quite late at the weekends and rarely have lunch, maybe some snacks through the day but the kids will help themselves if they’re hungry and we have a large dinner early ish so I can kind of see how that could happen tbh because I could see how we could end up in the same situation if no-one came to us specifically to say they’re hungry. People don’t always think about other people’s routines etc I guess so maybe it doesn’t cross their mind to offer? Just trying to see it from another POV

Yep we don’t eat between 10 and 3 on weekends! Too busy and late breakfast. But if my 10yo was hungry I think she’d make toast and crisps for herself and her friend

I really don’t understand people who don’t offer a child anything to eat when they are round their house for several hours. Sounds like his friend had lunch but he didn’t 😞
I have the same issue with my daughter, I have to constantly take food to her and her friend when she stays over as the Mum will only make herself dinner. Yet she asks her to stay around so it doesn’t add up.

was it pre-agreed that he'd be staying until 3pm? If so then that should include lunch. If not, then maybe they hadn't prepared enough/Mum left enough before she went out. They could have offered something though. Many years ago a friend invited myself and my young daughter over late on a Saturday morning - we were chatting, kids playing etc. then she says that she's going to pop a couple of pizzas in the oven. I say thank you. When ready she cuts them up into tiny pieces and put them in front of her 2 children only. My daughter wasn't even offered a piece. No money worries (quite the opposite). Now I think that was damn rude.

I used to go to my friend's house regularly and never get offered any food. She was one of 5 though so I think the mum made a rule she wasn't going to feed all her children's friends. They were quite well off, but still. Always felt welcome otherwise and we'd go to the shop. Yes maybe they weren't expecting him to stay for lunch unless specifically invited to say that long? Which maybe he was x

You say they’re not struggling financially, but that may not be the case. They may earn the same as you, but they may have more debts/outgoings than you. They may have big parties and things, but the rise in the cost has increased massively , and it’s impacting on what most people can afford.

The dad may have been busy doing something, and it may have slipped his mind if the children didn’t mention food to them.

My children don’t stop talking about food, so I’d never have the chance to forget lol. I’d never expect anyone to feed my children just because I fed theirs though

We I might if I wasn't expecting another mouth and hadn't got enough of what we were eating to feed it. I wouldn't, for example, give a child a sandwich if we were all sitting down to pork chops.

As with a pp I was brought up to come home at a friend's meal time - meals were def by prior arrangement only when I was a child and that seems the norm for my kids and their friends too (now they are teens they tend to make their own take away arrangements tbh).

Exactly, or just say to the child "time to be off home now, we are going to eat lunch"

Some people are just stingy like that. One of my friends mums didn't offer me any food when I was staying the night once. They'd invited me to stay. I had to sit there whilst they ate . They had expected me to bring my own food. They were well off. The mum wasn't nasty just really mean about paying anything or contributing to anything that wasn't exclusively for her child. We were going to London the next day so I couldn't go home so I went to the nearby pubs outdoors and got some crisps. I used some of the money I had brought with me to pay for mine and my friends meals the next day as I'd thoughtit would be a nice gesture. I only bought my food the next day so my friend had to buy her own. I'd paid for my return coach ticket in advance so it wasn't because I owed them money. They were a friendly family just really, really tight.

That is ducking weird I would never do that to one of my kids friend

I wouldn't either .