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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect him to have been fed?

272 replies

Workyticket · 23/02/2023 21:37

DS is 11, he sorts his mates coming round etc these days and I only really get in touch with their Mums if the kids want to go somewhere new (they play out a little but only at agreed places)

He was at his mate's house today from 10 am until about 3pm and came home ravenous

We had the same mate at ours for a sleepover last weekend (11 am to about tea time the next day so he had breakfast, dinners and teas here)

He often comes after school and I make him tea before he goes home. He's had takeaways here etc. I'm definitely a feeder and make meals I know ds' pals like.

DS was cagey about whether his mate had lunch while he was there but he wasn't offered anything. His dad was home.

Absolutely no money issues - similar jobs to us, we've been at extravagant parties they've thrown etc

DS had his bank card and I've reminded him he could have nipped to the shop by his mate's house or to the chippy but tbh I did think they'd maybe offer him some lunch!

OP posts:
Veryverycalmnow · 23/02/2023 21:40

Yeah, I would expect them to have had some lunch if he was there from 11 till 3. Did the dad know your son was there?

NEmama · 23/02/2023 21:40

I'd always offer friends food. Poor lad

EezyOozy · 23/02/2023 21:40

That’s so odd.

presumably you’re friends son and his dad ate lunch ?

Original poster
Workyticket · 23/02/2023 21:41

Definitely. He was chatting with ds about somewhere he's going this weekend

OP posts:
Springintoabetterlife · 23/02/2023 21:41

Was your son definitely at the house?

ReadersD1gest · 23/02/2023 21:42

That's really awful.

Veryverycalmnow · 23/02/2023 21:42

Sorry, 10 til 3! Hope he had a big tea when he got home!

Original poster
Workyticket · 23/02/2023 21:43

EezyOozy · 23/02/2023 21:40

That’s so odd.

presumably you’re friends son and his dad ate lunch ?

I'm really not sure - I did ask ds but didn't get an answer. He's all about boy code and would never say a thing to get anyone in trouble

His mate's little sister was there too!

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 23/02/2023 21:43

Nooo, the dad couldn't have honestly known your ds was there, did lunch for only himself and ds' friend?!

Original poster
Workyticket · 23/02/2023 21:43

Springintoabetterlife · 23/02/2023 21:41

Was your son definitely at the house?

100% yes. I track him on Life360 and heard their dog barking and his dad chatting when ds rang me

OP posts:
SpecialK2023 · 23/02/2023 21:45

Maybe Mum didn’t want any guests and was hoping he’d get hungry and go home? I would have fed him - but then we know what time dinner time is in our house cause all my extended family show up “would you like some dinner” “go on then” it does get a bit wearing - wondering if mum feels the same.

Original poster
Workyticket · 23/02/2023 21:47

SpecialK2023 · 23/02/2023 21:45

Maybe Mum didn’t want any guests and was hoping he’d get hungry and go home? I would have fed him - but then we know what time dinner time is in our house cause all my extended family show up “would you like some dinner” “go on then” it does get a bit wearing - wondering if mum feels the same.

I don't think Mum was there. They might get sick of feeding people but the split of whose house the kids eat at is 95% our house and 5% theirs!

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 23/02/2023 21:51

How bizarre. Had he been invited round for the day?

BertaHoon · 23/02/2023 21:52

Hmmm...

We'd often have breakfast about 10 and then dinner at about 4.30. Snacks available fruit, yoghurt, crisps, toast etc. But assume I was supposed to prepare a proper lunch if kids are upstairs gaming, or playing out. Snacks certainly. Always a dinner after school I would offer, but not necessarily in the day.

GoodChat · 23/02/2023 21:55

They might have been trying to hint for him to leave

Forgooodnesssakenow · 23/02/2023 21:55

BertaHoon · 23/02/2023 21:52

Hmmm...

We'd often have breakfast about 10 and then dinner at about 4.30. Snacks available fruit, yoghurt, crisps, toast etc. But assume I was supposed to prepare a proper lunch if kids are upstairs gaming, or playing out. Snacks certainly. Always a dinner after school I would offer, but not necessarily in the day.

You only eat 2 meals a day? And why is breakfast so late?

SpecialK2023 · 23/02/2023 21:57

Workyticket · 23/02/2023 21:47

I don't think Mum was there. They might get sick of feeding people but the split of whose house the kids eat at is 95% our house and 5% theirs!

Show quote history

Sorry, Dad then.
Yes some people don’t repay the generosity extended to them.

BertaHoon · 23/02/2023 22:01

Forgooodnesssakenow · 23/02/2023 21:55

You only eat 2 meals a day? And why is breakfast so late?

Show quote history

If it's not a school day (obviously DD has breakfast before she goes). Then we're not so rigid. Weekdays, obviously breakfast, dinner at school and tea at home for her.

There's no need to eat 3 meals a day on a Saturday for example. She's 14 btw. Or she can make some toast, eat a yoghurt, peel and orange etc if hungry. If a friend was here she'd do the same. That's what I mean about snacks. Weekend breakfast is usually bacon, egg on toast and tomatoes - so a lot to keep you going!

5foot5 · 23/02/2023 22:02

GoodChat · 23/02/2023 21:55

They might have been trying to hint for him to leave

This !

Had he actually been invited to spend the whole day there or had he just turned up and hung around.

When I was a child my Mum made it clear that if I was playing at a friend's house and the friend was called in for their meal then it was time for me to come hone. Meals at other people's houses were by prior invitation, we would never just wait and expect to be fed. Similarly, this never happened with DC or her friends either.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/02/2023 22:04

Seems weird you feed their child but they can't yours

What made him come home / hunger ?

Maybe they were hinting

Or maybe they had a late breakie

Tho if he friend ate that's crap he didn't offer your son anything

Zosime · 23/02/2023 22:06

At eleven, I'd think the boys should be capable of sorting out a snack or sandwich for themselves without Dad needing to be involved. Was he WFH and only looking in on the boys occasionally and didn't realise they hadn't eaten, or was he with them all the time?

Silverbracken · 23/02/2023 22:07

Either they were hinting that he should leave or they’re very stupid.

ReadersD1gest · 23/02/2023 22:08

Why would you hint that your child's friend leave rather than making them a bloody sandwich??

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 23/02/2023 22:09

It's not the end of the world is it? A few hours that's it, hardly worth stressing over.

EsmeSusanOgg · 23/02/2023 22:11

Weird. Who doesn't make a sandwich for their kid's friend... Or at least have some snacks/ food?