To end my relationship because my partner went on a boys trip and ended up with a prostiture in a hotel...

[Blackbirdsinginginthedeadofnight]

Long story short. I didn't want him to go on the trip as he was away not that long ago, he ignored me and went anyway.

On the first night there he got so drunk he went to a nightclub that he and his friends knew was a place where prostitutes go to meet men. He left the club with a girl and she took him to a hotel. Apparently, he was so drunk he couldn't get it up, and after an hour of her trying he fell asleep and she left. I found out because he tried to pay for the hotel with my bank card that he has in his wallet and I put two and two together.

After an hour or two of me trying to get hold of him to ask what was going on, at which time he blocked my calls, he then called me back and 'confessed' everything.

I confess that I have never had to witness him blind drunk so I can't get a sense of how he may have been but they had been drinking for around 8-9 hours by this point and had been awake for almost 24 hours. Not that it is an excuse but I just want to give a sense of what he may have been like. He claims it was the alcohol and he really didn't know what he was doing and feels utterly ashamed of his actions. He has promised to ditch his 'mates' who are all in their 50's but act like they're 'lads' when on these trips. And he swears he didn't have sex, which I don't believe as I think he is trying to be somewhat honest but is minimising so he's not out and out lying.

I love him very much and am heartbroken at what he has done and don't think I can get past it. It feels like a deal breaker to me but I just wanted other perspectives on it.

Will my life just be filled with distrust if I take him back or can it be gotten over? I've asked him to go to the sexual health clinic for his own safety as much as anyone's, which he has agreed to do. Things were really good in our relationship so there is no real reason he would have done this which makes it even worse in a way.

Please be kind - I'm really hurting right now and would just like some opinions from anyone who may have been through similar. Thanks

Take away the location and being on a lads weekend etc - the question is OP, could you be ok being with a partner who goes out, gets drunk and sleeps with a prostitute in the UK? Let's say next Saturday night for example?

Because ultimately it doesn't matter about where and when, he's slept with a prostitute - or allegedly only tried to - so the only thing stopping him was his drunkenness.

You either accept this is who he is or don't but don't think for a second he'll change at 58 years old!

Well done on knowing your worth and kicking him out. I am sure it was not an easy decision to make.

As many others have suggested, this is probably not the first time he's done this. So please make sure you get yourself tested.

Almost 60 yr old men who've pulled significantly younger women are already punching .... Then he can't even turn down sleazy lads trips or be faithful FFS.

What I don’t understand is why he’d get a hotel?

Surely he already has one.
Unless it was a ‘pay by the hour’ type of place.

Was this card the only source of money he had?

As PPs have said, they obviously went to this club to pick up women and I’d not be surprised if this happened several times since he’s been there.

@BeardyButton Thanks :) I needed that!

This is awful. Probably one of the worst I've read on here. Leave. Deserve so much more.

You dont treat someone you love this way.

Tell the wives. I'd want to know.

I couldn’t get past something like that, it’s disgusting and vile on so many levels. I couldn’t have any respect for myself if I continued, so I would have to end it.

Yuck. What a bunch of creeps he and his sad loser mates are.

Absolutely tell all the other wives and partners. They all deserve better and deserve to know too.

Wow what a horrendous thing.

I'd also tell the wives, I'd want to know and they'll need to get tested.

I think it's probably safe to say that they all went abroad on a lads holiday for the express purpose of using prostitutes. Dirty shitbags, the lot of them.

Bad enough and a deal breaker for anybody to do it, but it seems particularly repulsive that they are men in their 50s with daughters the same age as the likely trafficked women they bought sex from. People in their 50s who should definitely have formed worldviews about prostitution and cheating that are strong enough to withstand being paralytic drunk - and who frankly should know their alcohol limits and behavioural patterns well enough by now to not still be drinking past their limits.

Whether he had sex or not is irrelevant, he thinks consent can be purchased. That I could never get over.

Absolutely gross. So glad you found out OP, sending strength

If thats true that's pretty sad.
How the F are we supposed to live with one another if we cannot behave with coutresy and resepect for eachother.
Surely we should all be held to the same standards.

So is prostitution wrong too?

I'm so sorry. He's a pig 🤮. End it. 💐

So sorry to hear whats happened. Him being blind drunk, doesnt sound quite right to me. He still had intentions of picking up a prostitute and going to the hotel. He can obviously remember that much, and even remember trying to get it up but couldnt, so the intention was there to have sex with little disregard to you.
If you stay with him, everytime he goes out, even with no intentions to cheat you will always be worried he is up to no good.
Plus he shouldnt have to ditch his mates to prove himself to you. He just sounds like hes very easily influenced by others and cant control himself. He just should have not been a weak man in the first place and stood his ground when it comes to drink and left early before it got to the club/prostitute stage.

Eww. I’d never be able to respect him or fancy him again. Dealbreaker for me.

Holy Pschitt, @Blackbirdsinginginthedeadofnight
Ditch the arsehole.

ABSOLUTE dealbreaker.

So sorry your husband is so faithless.

Dad said on a business trip he went on, ( To Mexico in 1970’s) men ( Married)on the plane before they’d even landed were discussing the “Girls” they were going to “Hire”.

The wives were none the wiser.

Just so disrespectful all round.

What a sleeze. Bin him off quick smart. Not only planned to cheat but attempted to put it on your card. Absolute rat.

Yes, if it exploits women and girls, or young men.
”The Happy Hooker” is largely a myth.

🏃‍♀️

I'm glad you've packed his stuff up, OP. I'm really sorry he's been such an utter dick.

@Blackbirdsinginginthedeadofnight
We had a GP who had several children and was married ( He also worked as a prison GP)
He was arrested ( before Internet ) for having sex at a massage parlour in the city-
The sex workers sussed he was a GP when he leapt up when his pager went off.

He was blackmailed for Diconal, and when it was going to court, I had to see the GP he said to me “ Drug addicts lie and cheat compulsively”

He was jailed over it. ( Probably the Class A drug thing)
His poor wife.

He seemingly had an “Addiction “ to using sex workers.