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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't let me use a household item he bought

172 replies

HogwartsForever11 · 23/02/2023 07:57

Hi, this is a really silly one but not sure if I'm going mad as DP is making a big thing of it.

Context - we own a house together, been together c.6 years. We have a set of bathroom scales that are quite unreliable, e.g. weight can fluctuates by up to 5 pounds if you get on twice in quick succession. I use these scales around once a week but also go to a local Slimming World so don't need the home scales. DP only uses them occasionally as far as I'm aware.

DP has just told me our scales are rubbish and we need new ones. I said I agree they're not great so I'm happy to just not to have any in the house if he is. He said fine he'll buy some new ones with his money and keep them hidden just for his use as he's the only one paying for them. I said I thought that was quite a selfish and weird mindset and that if he wants them then I'm happy to buy them out of joint money for the house, but buying some to secretly keep for his own use is pretty weird and selfish. He says it's fair enough if he's the only one paying.

I think what's annoying me is that I never said I wouldn't get them out of joint money, I am more than happy to even though I'm not fussed about using them, he just jumped to that conclusion! I just find the mindset so odd - if he buys a pack of pens and I run out is he going to not lend me one? If he bought a book and than I wanted to read it after is he going to not let me?

OP posts:
Mrsdragonfly · 23/02/2023 08:00

That’s really odd behaviour. Is there any other warning flags? I’d be a little concerned about not being keen to share and something like this would put me off him especially if you’re considering children.

GoodnightJude1 · 23/02/2023 08:00

That’s very weird OP…..is he usually like this with ‘his’ things?
Why would you using the scales (regardless of who paid for them) affect him in any way?

Go buy some scales out of joint funds and hide them from him.

GroggyLegs · 23/02/2023 08:00

It is really odd.

Is he an arse about money in general?

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/02/2023 08:02

That is very strange. Is it a one off??

00100001 · 23/02/2023 08:03

Bizarre.

Buy your own (better) scales and refuse to share 😁

growinggreyer · 23/02/2023 08:05

This shows such ungenerosity of spirit. You need to investigate this further. The challenges of life will only increase and you need a partner who would give you the shirt off his back if he saw you cold, not hide things that are 'his' from you.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 23/02/2023 08:05

Meh 🤷🏽‍♀️

I can see it from the ’likes to have something just for me’ perspective.

Hardest thing about oiving with someone is how little you have your own thing, just for you…

’Let’ him have his own thing.

00100001 · 23/02/2023 08:06

I'd be so fucking petty and start going round the house with him and saying shit like"oh, well I paid for that cushion, so I'll hide that from you....also, that's MY mug I paid for, so that can be in my cupboard... Oh yeah, I bought the shower mat that day, so I'll put that somewhere hidden...and yeah, remember how I paid for the milk...pop out buy your own love"

ChangedmynameagainforChristmas · 23/02/2023 08:06

@00100001 · Today 08:03
Bizarre.
Buy your own (better) scales and refuse to share 😁

Brilliant !

monomatapea · 23/02/2023 08:06

Sounds like he's planning ahead for a break up - very odd

Morechocmorechoc · 23/02/2023 08:07

If you have kids that means while you're at home earning less on may leave he won't share any income either? I'd be really careful if he's this petty over scales.

Morechocmorechoc · 23/02/2023 08:07

Meant to say mat leave!

Bigmummaof2 · 23/02/2023 08:09

monomatapea · 23/02/2023 08:06

Sounds like he's planning ahead for a break up - very odd

How did you come to that conclusion 🤣?

YukoandHiro · 23/02/2023 08:09

Major flag about weirdness around shared income when you get to the point where one can't totally stand independently (eg maternity leave). I'd have a think about other behaviours/willingness to be generous and support you. Is he the guy you thought/hoped he was? Would he do for you what you'd do for him in a heartbeat?

rattlemehearties · 23/02/2023 08:10

Hmmm I think maybe he interpreted your suggestion of not having any scales at home as something you preferred for your own sanity.

He is saying he will keep the new scales out of sight so you don't feel pressured or tempted to weigh yourself constantly at home.

He's clumsily trying to be supportive of your weight loss plan, and you are misinterpreting.

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 23/02/2023 08:10

That’s messed up. Huge red flag for financial nastiness in the future if you ever find yourself dependent on him.

watchfulwishes · 23/02/2023 08:13

This seems to be a money argument, is there general resentment about joint/personal money?

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 23/02/2023 08:14

rattlemehearties · 23/02/2023 08:10

Hmmm I think maybe he interpreted your suggestion of not having any scales at home as something you preferred for your own sanity.

He is saying he will keep the new scales out of sight so you don't feel pressured or tempted to weigh yourself constantly at home.

He's clumsily trying to be supportive of your weight loss plan, and you are misinterpreting.

That’s a bizarre stretch to interpret his motives as supportive when the OP reports him saying he will “keep them hidden just for his use as he's the only one paying for them. I said I thought that was quite a selfish and weird mindset and that if he wants them then I'm happy to buy them out of joint money for the house, but buying some to secretly keep for his own use is pretty weird and selfish. He says it's fair enough if he's the only one paying”

FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 23/02/2023 08:14

I have been known over our 40 year relationship to buy household items that I don't allow DP to use. A case in point is my tool kit. I've lost count of the number of screw drivers/hammers/drill bits etc we've bought over the years that get lost or damaged because DH has never knowingly put anything back where it belongs. So now I have my own lovely tool kit with everything in its proper place.

So in principle, I don't have a problem with one partner keeping something for their own use. But your DHs attitude over this particular situation is very petty and would give me the ick.

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 23/02/2023 08:14

watchfulwishes · 23/02/2023 08:13

This seems to be a money argument, is there general resentment about joint/personal money?

True.

Does he make/pay much more than you do?
Maybe his had enough banking your lifestyle.

Needmorelego · 23/02/2023 08:15

They have scales for less than a tenner in Argos.
Buy 2 and paint on one of them in pink "Hers" with some love hearts and flowers, other one "His" in blue with some frowny faces.
Place side by side in bathroom without saying anything.

IWantToBeACat · 23/02/2023 08:15

That's given me the ick on your behalf! How bizarre. Sounds like he's already splitting the assets. I wouldn't be marrying him and certainly wouldn't be having children with him! It might seem a silly, minor thing, but I think it shows his general opinion of how he feels about your relationship. "His" and "yours", not "ours". What happens if you do have children and you aren't working? There are a worrying amount of threads on here with women who have nothing because they put their lives on hold to have children, DH / DP has lots of money, buys themselves lots of things and the woman is scrimping and grovelling.

BlackFlyChardonnay · 23/02/2023 08:16

Really weird. Is this typical for him? If so, run.

monomatapea · 23/02/2023 08:16

Bigmummaof2 · 23/02/2023 08:09

How did you come to that conclusion 🤣?

Show quote history

Dividing all the assets up before they are even bought

Xol · 23/02/2023 08:17

Next time you food shop, lock it all away and tell him it's fair enough as you are the only one paying.