Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't let me use a household item he bought

172 replies

HogwartsForever11 · 23/02/2023 07:57

Hi, this is a really silly one but not sure if I'm going mad as DP is making a big thing of it.

Context - we own a house together, been together c.6 years. We have a set of bathroom scales that are quite unreliable, e.g. weight can fluctuates by up to 5 pounds if you get on twice in quick succession. I use these scales around once a week but also go to a local Slimming World so don't need the home scales. DP only uses them occasionally as far as I'm aware.

DP has just told me our scales are rubbish and we need new ones. I said I agree they're not great so I'm happy to just not to have any in the house if he is. He said fine he'll buy some new ones with his money and keep them hidden just for his use as he's the only one paying for them. I said I thought that was quite a selfish and weird mindset and that if he wants them then I'm happy to buy them out of joint money for the house, but buying some to secretly keep for his own use is pretty weird and selfish. He says it's fair enough if he's the only one paying.

I think what's annoying me is that I never said I wouldn't get them out of joint money, I am more than happy to even though I'm not fussed about using them, he just jumped to that conclusion! I just find the mindset so odd - if he buys a pack of pens and I run out is he going to not lend me one? If he bought a book and than I wanted to read it after is he going to not let me?

OP posts:
SweetChilliGirl · 23/02/2023 09:15

Run.

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/02/2023 09:16

I expect this has something to do with SCIENCE, OP.

Probably it is a well-known scientific fact that every set of scales only has so many "weigh-ins" available (for ease of calculation we'll say it's 1,000 - may be more, may be less).

A weekly weigh in by one person means these scales will last (rough estimate - don't forget you will be on holiday some weeks and not available to weigh yourself) 20 years. If TWO people start to lavishly weigh themselves every week, then the scales' life is reduced to a beggarly 10 years!

I don't blame him for hoarding his scales like a demented miser. Who knows how profligate you will be with them? I expect that's how your old scales are worn out.

And what if you get a dog? You need TWO weighings at a time to weigh a dog (one with person alone, one with person staggering under the weight of the dog, shouting "I can't see the dial! What does it say?" to a 2nd person, followed by a simple maths calculation). I mean - Blimey! Those new scales would be worn out in no time.

You aren't in the habit of having wild SW parties where you and all of your friends weigh each other before and after eating different foods, are you? Because that would knock your scales' life down to about a fortnight.

You are being selfish even to ask him to share, OP.

MojoDaysxx · 23/02/2023 09:16

My partner does not share either. Look up aspergers. I'm not diagnosing, but it might be worth looking up certain traits to see if it fits in with what you are dealing with.

interedin · 23/02/2023 09:16

MistyMooninabluesky · 23/02/2023 09:05

My thoughts too….. If I labelled everything I’ve bought in our house DH would only have about a dozen items!

Show quote history

Mine too. Just ridiculous!

ArrrMeHearties · 23/02/2023 09:17

That's weird behaviour from him for sure especially over something as insignificant as a set of bathroom scales

Emotionalsupportviper · 23/02/2023 09:18

Logburnerperils · 23/02/2023 08:49

I paid for the tv in the living room. I make everyone close their eyes when they have the audacity to walk past it.

Quite right!

They'll wear the screen out looking at it.

Masketti · 23/02/2023 09:19

That is petty and selfish. I'm sure if you started going down that route your relationship wouldn't last very long.

I would talk to him about the why on this one.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 23/02/2023 09:21

There has to be more to it than this. If you've been together 6 years you'll know if this is out of character or if he's usually so mean.
Or is this tit for tat pettiness because you wouldn't let him use something.
People don't behave like this out of the blue.

Bramshott · 23/02/2023 09:26

It does sound very strange behaviour. However, if he normally sane and collaborative I wondered whether you have spent a lot of time moaning about the scales OP, and obsessing about whether your weight has gone up or down, and whether it's the scales etc? Could this be a clumsy attempt by him to say that he feels it would be healthier for you if you just weigh yourself once a week at SW and forget about the scales the rest of the time?

dogdaydown · 23/02/2023 09:28

That is beyond mean and utterly ridiculous!

starfishmummy · 23/02/2023 09:30

Seems odd for something like that. Unless you have a habit of not being careful with things?
Or could he have been joking?

Isheabastard · 23/02/2023 09:30

It’s definitely odd. Is he like this with other things?

The only explanation I can think of is that he wants some scales that record body fat, amount of weight loss and for some reason he doesn’t want you to see his progress or weight loss.

I can get a bit precious about having my own things just for myself. That’s due to a combination of my ex always borrowing things and never replacing them (eg tool kit like the other poster wrote), or my childhood when there was a lot of us and not much money, having something that you didn’t have to share was very precious.

FabFitFifties · 23/02/2023 09:31

But equally, OP saying the scales that they both use (albeit occasionally) don't need replacing because she doesn't need them because she can weigh at slimming world, pretty weird and selfish too. It's a bit "I'm alright Jack", and probably put his back up. This is what I thought too.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 23/02/2023 09:31

Bigmummaof2 · 23/02/2023 08:09

How did you come to that conclusion 🤣?

Show quote history

Is it not a well-known fact that when there is an imminent break-up the first sign is purchasing individual bathroom scales? It's often closely followed by have separate toilet roll holders, each with monogrammed paper.

Or was that just my parents?

Singularity82 · 23/02/2023 09:32

Absolute weird behaviour. So petty and mean. I couldn’t live like this.

Naunet · 23/02/2023 09:33

FabFitFifties · 23/02/2023 09:31

But equally, OP saying the scales that they both use (albeit occasionally) don't need replacing because she doesn't need them because she can weigh at slimming world, pretty weird and selfish too. It's a bit "I'm alright Jack", and probably put his back up. This is what I thought too.

I’d wonder about that too, if it actually happened. Op was very clear she was open to buying them if he wanted them and thought they needed them.

Believeitornot · 23/02/2023 09:34

SweetChilliGirl · 23/02/2023 09:15

Run.

^This

I mean this is just bizarre behaviour. What happens if you have children???

IDontWantToBeAPie · 23/02/2023 09:34

That's... very strange. I bought our scales and don't care if DP uses them. Just like he bought the vacuum. We could've split the cost but just didn't this time tbh.

Is he worried you broke the old ones or something? Hiding things in your own home is... odd

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 23/02/2023 09:37

Naunet · 23/02/2023 09:33

I’d wonder about that too, if it actually happened. Op was very clear she was open to buying them if he wanted them and thought they needed them.

Show quote history

It's also very clear that op is in control of finances and any joint money so don't know how people can jump to him being financially controlling

xogossipgirlxo · 23/02/2023 09:41

Wow. It's not even petty, he's just being silly 😬

Ilovelurchers · 23/02/2023 09:45

One way this makes any sense to me (in a very loose definition of "making sense" admittedly) is if he feels you were somehow responsible for your old ones breaking - that you use them recklessly in some way, jump up and down on them or something? Obviously it's daft, but if he does believe this I can just about see how he might ask you not to use the new ones (given you have said you aren't especially bothered about having any?)

Otherwise, as a PP suggested, could he feel that you are at risk of developing an unhealthy obsession with weighing yourself (that has certainly happened to me in the past and is why I don't have scales any more) so he thinks he is helping you by keeping them hidden? This would be annoyingly paternalistic behaviour on his part, and is at the very least something he should discuss with you rather than just issuing a decree, but at least it would be coming from a place of concern for your welfare?

I feel like I am clutching at straws here though......

Pixiedust1234 · 23/02/2023 09:45

Is there anything else he's bought but squirrelled away from you that you haven't realised up to now?

I think my DH owns the car and a bike as even the plates and cutlery were bought before we met over 35 years ago. Most of the furniture is from pre DH, or inherited from my side...and he steals/loses all the tools I keep buying.

Newmum0322 · 23/02/2023 09:46

He assumed you were being petty and didn’t want to use joint money. He was petty in what he saw as ‘retaliation’.

This is just miscommunication 🤷🏼‍♀️

Abouttimemum · 23/02/2023 09:47

Red flag, don’t have kids with him. He’ll be letting you live off a meagre amount but still keeping his money for himself before you know it.

Untitledsquatboulder · 23/02/2023 09:47

He told you he wanted new scales. You told him you'd be happy to have no scales - that does rather imply that you weren't happy for them to be bought out of the household budget. I guess he got the hump at that. We buy pretty much everything out of the household budget do I'd be pretty pissed off if I felt dh was vetoing an everyday purchase of something I wanted from that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread