To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

I didn’t say it was ‘normal’, it’s obviously a fairly unusual situation, which is why the OP has asked for advice. That doesn’t mean it’s not ok, though. People ask for advice on all sorts of things on here.
Anyway, asking for something doesn’t mean it’s an expectation. It’s a request. The only way it becomes an expectation is if the OP asks her DH, he says no, and she doesn’t accept no as an answer. He may well be absolutely fine with it. My DH would be.

Oh and I imagine another reason the Op has asked for opinions on this is that because as a woman and mother she’s probably been conditioned to think that asking to do something enjoyable for herself is selfish.

Birthdays aren't unusual

Anyone else reading “birthdays aren’t unusual” with tight-lipped disapproval, followed by a cat’s bum mouth.

Some people – and not just dissolute members of Caligula’s court with not a thought for anyone but themselves, and certainly not their neglected children – even enjoy their birthdays, particularly milestone ones, rather than seeing them as moral failings.

But on Mumsnet, you must never ever do anything for yourself. You must be available for children and husband at all times. Money is Family Money. Time is Family Time. You must never celebrate anything for yourself. If you do, it must be done at the lowest cost and highest misery possible served with a side order of self flagellation. You no longer exist as a person but are now Someone’s Mummy or Someone’s Wife.

😆, goodness gracious.

Eggzactly. I hope the OP has some nice eggs during her fine dining experience.

If I’ve learned anything during my time scrolling through MN, it’s not to ask it anything or you’ll get people lambasting you from all 4 corners for having a birthday treat. Some of these posters would have OP in the stocks if they could, but there’s a tomato shortage on so that’s probably not a great idea. Might be back in tomatoes by the time OP goes out for her dinner though.

I can picture it now; the fine dining version of a stea, eggs and a lovely griddled
tomato.

This is the weirdest, most overwhelmingly misogynistic response to a post I've ever seen on mumsnet.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this idea OP, I'm sure your husband won't be crying himself to sleep over you wanting one decent lunch on your own for your birthday. Hope you do it!

Hell yeah do it. I think people would be far less critical if you wanted a spa day or something to yourself. It's because eating is normally something you share with other people that everyone is on their high horse about it.

Its healthy to still do things that we enjoy for ourselves.

I'd suggest also doing something with your partner as well though to celebrate!

This is mumsnet completely!!!

do women in real life actually live like this?!

I bloody hope not!!

Misogyny and the patriarchy have really done a number on us if so!!

@elenacampana

you like eggs?

@Mumof3andshattered

i think YOU need a nice lunch away from husband and kids given your response to this thread!! 🥂

@Mumof3andshattered

“Nobody it doubting SHE will have a nice time”

And that’s what matters, given it HER milestone birthday! 😀

Hope you have a fabulous time OP! 🥂🎉

But the nice time is at the detriment to her partner?

If he can stay at home with baby -all fine

Bit it's more the request that he hangs around near the restaurant to produce baby if needs feeding whilst she eats.

If there was a good plan for husband - a local friend he could stay for a few hours maybe? Or someone recommends a nice nearby child friendly cafe/pub (not sure why op doesn't say that's the plan in advance)

“If there was a good plan for the husband…”

but why can’t the husband think up a plan for himself?! Why does he have to have a plan made for the 2 hours he’ll be by himself rather than using his little man brain to think of something to do in the city that he works in!

This thread is barmy. Hubby should easily be able to support his BF wife to have two hours to herself. Honestly 🤣

He’s a grown adult, I’m sure he can find a cafe nearby all by himself, if he wants to.

I do, you should have seen me lately when they’ve been harder to get than usual. Haven’t known what to do with myself.

This is all a bit mad. Literally when my ds is 8.5 mths ill be 2 weeks off returning to work! And working an entire day. And I breastfeed. Should I ring them and tell them that I cannot go back as I chose to bf and am therefore entirely restricted in what I can do??? Should i temporarily sacrifice my daily grind?

Wise up lol. Why on earth shouldn't op go out for a few hours when baby is that age!

I actually admire you for ditching your husband and child, while you get to do exactly what you want. Love it!

It’s. Two. Hours.

These kind of responses are deranged.

I would happily inconvenience myself slightly for two hours to enable my partner to have the birthday treat they wanted. It’s not about me.

The weird lives and relationships people have on here blow my mind.

It’s. Two. Hours.

I'm guessing that's what OP's DH said - as she has not been back to update re his response, despite saying he was sleeping at the time of posting, several days ago, and that was why she hadn't asked him yet.

@burnoutbabe

its 2 hours in London

I’m sure he is able to amuse himself and his kid in that time unless he is a complete imbecile

My mind is truly blown by the misogyny, martyrdom and mummy shaming on this thread!

OP has been breast-feeding for the best part of a year and just wants the baby's other parent to facilitate a couple of hours to herself in London to eat some nice food on her milestone birthday.

I agree it's nuts that she felt she had to ask here if it's OK to do that - but that isn't proof that she's being unreasonable. Rather, it's proof of just how pernicious society's attitudes about motherhood really are.

OP has been called a selfish, childish, self-centred, revolting spoilt brat (*all actual quotes) and told that if she cared about her husband and baby, she would not even consider prioritising her own needs for 120 minutes on her milestone birthday. My guess would be that these are the attitudes that have seeped in and made her feel the need to ask "permission" from a forum to prioritise her wants - even briefly. And yet the very act of asking the question is then thrown back at her as if it's evidence that she must know she is being selfish and unreasonable.

The trump card seems to be: "Ooh, but she's inconveniencing her husband and baby in order to do the nice thing." But that entirely ignores the "inconvenience" and sacrifice of breastfeeding for all these months. It's not surprising OP fancies a nice meal to herself. Yet instead of supporting her, she is being called out as selfish and revolting.

It is not at all unreasonable to expect the non-breastfeeding parent to facilitate the breastfeeding parent getting a bit of a boost - especially on a big birthday! If her husband is remotely decent, he would want to support this.

Existing as a human being whilst also being a mother is OK. It is utterly insane that we're even debating this!

@Mumof3andshattered - for everyone's sake, please get some sleep. Being shattered is not a badge of honour.

Excellent post.

Regardless of what everyone else would do, this is what OP wants to do on her 30th birthday. For a couple of hours. Only a dick would refuse this request, especially her husband.

I don’t know if we will ever find out but I hope OP goes for it.