To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

Not a martyr at all...just not a selfish p*k

How is “proper childcare” superior to “the baby’s parent”?!

Because the other parent is expected to follow her there and basically just wait nearby while she does what she wants to suit herself . In a years time the child can be looked after in comfortable surroundings, will probably be in nursery, won't be dependant on her and her husband can go with her and feel appreciated & part of the celebration....not like hired help.

No, you come across as properly outraged at the idea of a mother of young children having the audacity to do something just for her own pleasure on her birthday.

You sound like you want everybody else to be as miserable as you are.

I'm not miserable at all. I do lots of nice things for myself...with my partner, sometimes just with friends, but I'd never expect my partner and baby to go out of their way to follow me around (but only be allowed to lurk outside) whilst I put my wants first so unnecessarily. She's not dying...she could wait a year when it's not such an inconvenience to the people she's supposed to care about

@Mumof3andshattered maybe you'd be a bit less shattered if you took a bit of time to yourself.

I take time for myself when the opportunity arrives...but never at the expense of my babies and partner.

Both your username and your extreme reaction to the OP celebrating her birthday in a way that you deem "selfish" would suggest that you aren't actually having that much fun in your own life.

I have seen a few posts about the husband waiting (or lurking) outside the restaurant. Why do some posters think he won't be able to entertain himself and a baby for a couple of hours in London? Is it because he's a man or because the posters themselves lack imagination and wouldn't be able to do it themselves?

That'll be never then.

I’m going to assume this is a comedy bit from Mumof3 - a sardonic parody of Mumsnet Martyrdom. It can’t possibly be for real.

I have plenty of fun...I'm just not selfish enough to have it at the expense of those I care about

@Mumof3andshattered can you tell me how it is at the expense of the baby? The baby is being cared for by a parent.

Years of breastfeeding means that as a mum you miss out on loads of stuff and much of the stuff you can do (like eat in a restaurant with a baby) is not a relaxed affair. A loving husband would surely be happy to let his wife have 2 hours of peace and let her enjoy something she wants to do for her birthday. I bet the OP has missed a lot due to motherhood and not minded. If a husband is put out because she wants to do something nice on one day then he is a dick.

Why is it at the expense of the baby and partner?? She’s not making them do anything horrific, just wander round town for a couple of hours!

They might even enjoy it! I hear there are things to do in London.

Why would he have to lurk outside? He could take the baby for lunch himself, to a nice family friendly cafe or something. Or do a bit of shopping. The sort of thing mums do all the time with their babies.

Exactly. They could go to a gallery or something. Not like they’ll be short of places to visit!

My second started nursery at 8 months. She was breastfed and point blank refused bottles. She ate more food and made up for missed feeds in the evening and overnight.

Have you actually tried leaving the baby?

What a martyr. I am embarrassed for you. Perhaps you should have taken some breaks so you would not have ended up a ‘Mumof3andshattered‘. OP would probably be a refreshed and happy mum after a nice birthday lunch rather than an exhausted martyred heap.

So many martyr mummies and needy husbands on this thread 🤢

I have never done this but my husband would absolutely have taken the kids if I wanted that for my birthday. He would not have felt compromised or hurt in any way. I am sorry your partner is selfish and needy and would not do this for you.

And if you think your kids would be harmed by their dad looking after them for two hours, they deserve a better father.

I'd take DD and DS for a child friendly lunch on your birthday. Then book your preferred restaurant in London with DH once DD is fully weaned. One of the staff from DS's nursery could babysit both children one evening while you get train to London and have fancy meal.

Agree! I bet the hubby didnt have to sacrifice as many things while OP BF for 8 months. So fine for the mum to want to do one thing for herself and hubby supporting that.

If OPs idea of her bday treat was to get her nails done would everyone be so outraged at hubby being excluded?!

Not healthy for yours or anyone else's kids to have to be around a resentful and bitter (which come across in your post) mummy martyr

Could you not express your breast milk so that you can leave DD at home with either a close friend or family that would come so you so you and DP can go out together or if you really cannot find anyone then at least DP gets to stay in comfort of own home with DD and is close to hand for DS?

@Mumof3andshattered

Sounds selfish and a bit childish tbh. You're turning 30 and have 2 kids...how are you still so self centred
Oh, give over.
I voted YABU on the basis that I didn't think you'd be able to relax properly and enjoy knowing there's baby out there being schlepped around the shops/on the tube etc, are they having a nap or wound up or whatever, your mind goes into overdrive which is hardly conducive to a nice relaxing fine dining experience by yourself 🙂
Nothing wrong with wanting a bit of time to yourself, in fact it's healthy to do so. Speaking from experience here