To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

[AngelaMeerkat]

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

If you'd rather go together why don't you just save it for your 31st and go with him? I was 9 months pregnant on my last big birthday so just said I'll celebrate the way I want to next year instead. As long as it's booked and budgeted for it should be fine. No point half arseing it!

Whilst I understand the comments about doing something amazing for your 31st you’re only 30 once. I ebf both of mine and I think that a couple of hours to celebrate your big birthday when she’s 8.5 months is fine. It would be better if your partner could come too but if not just go for it!

Also I really wouldn’t worry about your 4 year old at nursery! Obviously things can happen and plans change but you’d only be an or so away. Just think - you could easily be stuck at work in a meeting for longer so I wouldn’t worry. I’m sure nursery would be fine to look after him. Just enjoy yourself for your big birthday

I just don't understand why OP can't wait to have this fancy meal at a time when she isn't ebf and her DH can join her?

Having a fancy meal with her DH is her preference so why can't she just wait a few months so they can celebrate together?

It's not about being a 'mummy martyr,' it's about being practical with her self imposed options.

If she has enough disposable income to have several meals at smart restaurants, she should do whatever she likes. If she only has enough money to have 1 meal occasion (like most of us) why would OP think it"s better to eat alone than to wait a few months and eat with DH?

This thread is just so weird.

OP - is it about the date? Do you feel you have to do this meal on or around the actual birthday date? If this is the case, then this is the question - why do you feel that this meal HAS to be done then and not at another time?

@Pipsquiggle from reading the OP it says that before kids she used to eat out at similar places fairly regularly so I am really sure they can budget for two meals out in a couple of months!

Idea of flash lunch alone is definitely ok, but timing would make me sad if I was your dh because I would want celebrate with you on that day itself and the lunch being more important to you than time together would disappoint me.

i would probably pick another day even that week, take the baby to him at work, let them do their thing and then enjoy the lunch yourself. It’s far less emotionally charged. If he can take the afternoon off so there’s no time constraints and you can meet up afterwards to come home then even better.

FWIW I’d approach the baths thing the same way but the reason more find it acceptable is that they were all staying in the area already (so no special trip purely to walk and babysit) and it’s something not everyone would want to do.

@NerrSnerr
Yes I remember those days, pre childcare bills, where I could eat out a few times a week

"You're only 30 once"... how many other ages are you twice? Ridiculous logic

Anytime someone says that Ops idea is a bad idea gets shot down with 'ohhh mummy martyr"

Most of us aren't saying don't go, we are saying do go but maybe not have your dh milk around with the baby and also be so far away from dc1 because if there is an emergency, then you're in a pickle.

It just feels selfish to do that to dh and baby just because you cba to pump milk.

My partner would/did/does...take my kids for days out on his own regularly. We work different hours so often parent on our own and that includes day trips, nights away.

However...my point is that I wouldn't expect my partner and children to follow me around waiting in the wings while I fulfil my selfish desires. And I was also mature enough to understand that during the breastfeeding phase, there are some things you just postpone until you can either express enough milk to cover the absence or until they aren't as dependant on you for being fed

Its not rocket science

I hope you do go out for your meal OP and really hope you report back to this thread about what a nice time you had when you do!

But why do you think it’s going to be massively onerous on the husband and child? They can do for lunch themselves. Wander around london, see the sights, go to a museum. They don’t have to sit on the curb outside the restaurant for 2 hours wailing pitifully.

Nobody it doubting SHE will have a nice time. If she actually believed it eas a normal non-selfish act that wouldn't put her partner/child out in any way....she wouldn't have asked on here for opinions would she.

@Mumof3andshattered Why do you think that being in London for 2 hours is being put out so much for her husband?

Surely you realise that the baby doesn't care if they're in London, the local park or up a mountain as long as they're being cared for? The baby isn't put out at all!!

I think the people who find it hard to understand that her husband and baby can exist fine in London without hanging around, staring through the window or whatever either have awful males in their lives who can't cope with caring for their children or lack imagination and confidence in themselves that they couldn't possibly entertain a child/ themselves if out of routine for one day.

Why has she felt the need to ask a forum for their opinion over such a non-issue then?

@Mumof3andshattered she asked opinions and not everyone agrees with you. I just really want to know why you are so adamant that the baby is going to be inconvenienced?

Why ask for opinions if it's such a non-issue ?

Common sense answer....it IS an issue but she wanted people to tell her it isn't.

If the baby gets hungry or unsettled during course 3 of 7 at her Michelin star meal..is she going to leave the restaurant to feed? Probably not ...baby will be inconvenienced .

Partner is inconvenienced because even if he does find something enjoyable to do (which outweighs the fact his darling wife would rather eat alone that celebrate her day - the on that's FAR too special to postpone a couple of months- with him) , if the baby needs feeding he must drop everything to go take the child to the mum

Or....she could wait until she can express, leave the baby with another childminder and spend some quality time enjoying her birthday with her partner.

If what she was suggesting was at all normal and OK, she wouldn't need to seek approval to do it.

@Mumof3andshattered do you never put yourself out for other people so that they can do something they enjoy? Is that why it’s unfathomable to you that the DH could put himself out for something his wife enjoys?

I put myself for people out of my own choice.
That's entirely different to expecting other people to put themselves out for me.
My partner often does...of his own choice. I'd never ask him. It wouldn't even cross my mind.

Yep. Unhealthy clingy relationships. No thanks.

I think some women on here love that their menfolk simply can’t have the kids alone. They love the dependency, whether they admit it or not.

OP please go. Because it’s your 30th. Because your husband should be able to look for something to do for two measly hours.

Two hours! I am embarrassed for the mummy martyrs on here. And their fragile needy partners.

Again....of its so normal and OK...why is it on this forum? Why hasn't she just told her husband, booked it and cracked on? Most other normal every day type scenarios are never ever brought to other peoples attention specifically for their opinion

Ah yes...the mark of a healthy relationship being all decisions pass through a public forum instead of being discussed between themselves at home

I often ask DH to put himself out for me 🤷🏻‍♀️. Eg I asked him to pick me up from the train station last week instead of getting the bus. And vice versa… he asked me if I’d mind missing my Pilates class yesterday to have our 3 children so he could go to the rugby. Our entire relationship consists of give and take. Maybe we’re both just hideously selfish.