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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dine alone on a London day trip with DH and baby?

556 replies

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 23/02/2023 23:37

Not unreasonable at all - go for it! Your comparison to the friend who had a spa & massage on her own is a really good one: that was what she valued as a treat, and excellent food (eaten at your own pace with BOTH HANDS - imagine!!) is what you value.

I think some people find the idea of eating at a restaurant alone "odd" / uncomfortable / embarrassing - and that might be skewing some of the responses here. They perhaps struggle to equate it with the "treat" of going to a spa or having a massage, which they presumably wouldn't question as an occasion when DH doesn't participate but looks after the kids.

Personally, I wouldn't feel happy to leave a baby that young with a new nanny to facilitate the meal - and that might make you feel you need to rush it.

You're looking after 2 young kids, one BF - you deserve a nice meal for your 30th and I'm sure your DH will be pleased to make it happen!

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 23/02/2023 23:52

Also - I think a lot of posters are forgetting that this is your 30th birthday treat - it's a big deal! If you can't be indulgent on your 30th, when can you?!

I've had plenty of nice meals out with young babies and unless you get VERY lucky and they sleep all the way through, it's not the same... You are either rushing because the've just woken up or because you anticipate they will at any moment. I completely understand the desire to eat lovely food on your own terms.

For those making haughty comments about "putting the baby's needs first" - I suspect it's precisely the experience of putting the baby first 24 hours a day for months on end that has led the OP to the point where the greatest luxury she can imagine is eating a meal uninterrupted, using both hands!

OP - You're doing so well to still be BF beyond 6 months. This would be a nice way for your husband to support you in that.

bussteward · 24/02/2023 05:38

MysteryBelle · 23/02/2023 21:54

You don’t want to leave baby with anyone for any length of time which is understandable. Because of that, you will just have to go out on a future occasion as it would be so unkind to use your dh in the way you suggest. Stay home and cook a fancy dinner at home with dh, it can be fun. A fancy dinner out is not the end all be all, in my opinion. This season of life with a little baby, then toddler, then primary age etc will be over in the blink of an eye. You don’t really realize that now, how can you, but you will. You’ll have decades and decades of going out to fancy restaurants then. Enjoy this time and have fun cooking at home with your spouse for now, choose a posh recipe.

Perhaps her husband can get her a nice chain for the kitchen sink for her 30th birthday.

Stormyweathr · 24/02/2023 08:50

I am sure there is a app we’re you can order food from a michelin star restaurant to be delivered

maybe you could book a nice hotel for the 4 of you and take your DH and 2 children and order in a nice meal for all 4 of you or wait till the children are in bed and order

mouche202 · 24/02/2023 08:59

I don't think there is anything wrong in wanting this but this situation is exactly what private chefs are for. You get to have a Michelin standard meal in your own home. Of course, if it's the ambience of the restaurant you want, then it's different. Try La Belle Assiette if you want to consider a private chef.

  • Full disclosure, my husband works as a private chef occasionally and is registered on La Belle Assiette (as are hundreds of other chefs)
bussteward · 24/02/2023 09:01

Stormyweathr · 24/02/2023 08:50

I am sure there is a app we’re you can order food from a michelin star restaurant to be delivered

maybe you could book a nice hotel for the 4 of you and take your DH and 2 children and order in a nice meal for all 4 of you or wait till the children are in bed and order

Every time I’ve stayed in a hotel room with small children, once they’ve gone to bed I’ve had to eat in the bath using my phone as a torch. OP, make sure your DH can sing happy birthday VERY quietly.

kindercup · 24/02/2023 09:17

Every time I’ve stayed in a hotel room with small children, once they’ve gone to bed I’ve had to eat in the bath using my phone as a torch. OP, make sure your DH can sing happy birthday VERY quietly.

Every time I have we have hotel stayed with small DC we ordered food to the room and ate it whist watching TV.

So, I'm sure there is a middle ground for OP

RedAndBlueStripedGolfingUmbrella · 24/02/2023 09:27

AngelaMeerkat · 23/02/2023 00:40

Curious for those who thinks it's unreasonable, is it because it's a meal or was my friend also unreasonable to go to the baths and have a massage leaving her DH with the baby on their trip?

Thinking this through I think a child free meal is the only way to make it properly enjoyable, I would feel rushed and stressed about keeping DD happy and quiet and feel like I've had enough meals eaten with one hand/wolfed down before she wakes up or while someone else holds her for a bit.

Hotel trip to London with the whole family plus a grandparent to babysit would be too expensive.

I suppose doing the whole trip alone could work if she can go that long without feeding, thought it might be nicer to spend the day with her and DH apart from a couple of hours for lunch but maybe you're all saying not?

I've voted YABU and I'd usually be 100 per cent on your side as I love dining alone when I can!
Sounds lovely BUT it's the expecting your DH to go with you and then just leave him to wander round London for the day with the pram and baby whilst you have your dining experience, that's where it starts to go a bit off to me.

Stormyweathr · 24/02/2023 09:55

I meant a nice posh hotel with separate bedroom if it’s a special occasion

InPraiseOfBacchus · 24/02/2023 09:56

I really like eating out alone, but I agree this setup might be awkward. It depends on what your DH feels about it. Do you think he'd remember it as something really sweet he did for you, or as something a bit awkward he felt left out of? Everyone's different!

If it was me, I'd go for a less fancy family meal together, and then take myself off to London alone for a restaurant trip another time.

burnoutbabe · 24/02/2023 10:45

i think even just going with a friend to the restaurant (so not alone) whilst hubby stays at home with baby sounds more normal than eating alone just to say you did it.

(bringing baby to a hen night when husband stays close by (as mentioned by one PP) seems more rational as a) the hen can ONLY be at that time and b) the husband is in a hotel with baby rather than trying to keep them quiet in a random cafe)

Aprilx · 24/02/2023 11:54

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 23/02/2023 23:52

Also - I think a lot of posters are forgetting that this is your 30th birthday treat - it's a big deal! If you can't be indulgent on your 30th, when can you?!

I've had plenty of nice meals out with young babies and unless you get VERY lucky and they sleep all the way through, it's not the same... You are either rushing because the've just woken up or because you anticipate they will at any moment. I completely understand the desire to eat lovely food on your own terms.

For those making haughty comments about "putting the baby's needs first" - I suspect it's precisely the experience of putting the baby first 24 hours a day for months on end that has led the OP to the point where the greatest luxury she can imagine is eating a meal uninterrupted, using both hands!

OP - You're doing so well to still be BF beyond 6 months. This would be a nice way for your husband to support you in that.

I definitely wasn’t forgetting that it is her 30th birthday treat, on the contrary, the fact it is her special birthday and a special treat makes it even more weird to me that she doesn’t want her husband to share this experience with her and would rather sit there on her own.

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 24/02/2023 12:01

…but as OP has explained, it’s not that she doesn’t want DH there - she’d prefer it if he was! But the only way for her to eat a nice meal using both hands without the pressure of looking after a small human is for him to look after the baby.

Suggesting that she compromise and take baby & DH to a more family friendly restaurant is the equivalent of telling someone who wants to do a spa day that they should instead go to a family swim session at their local leisure centre.

burnoutbabe · 24/02/2023 13:38

But if she prefers him to be there, then just wait a few months so you can leave baby e with someone and go then.

Or Maybe stay with family and visit restaurant then.

DIYandEatCake · 24/02/2023 13:41

Babyhood feels like an eternity when you’re in that phase, but things change quickly and if it were me I think I’d just wait a year or two until the kids could be left with a relative and you could enjoy a relaxed meal with your husband. I like eating by myself too, but only when I don’t have to rush - I’d get stressed if service was slow and I knew I had a hungry/upset baby and frazzled husband waiting for me.

Chrimbob · 24/02/2023 13:55

Weird responses.
OP i'd really enjoy having a special meal and circumstances dictate that doing this by myself is a feasible option
PP you can't possibly do this as it's not something i would want to do

LaPassegiata · 25/02/2023 08:01

People are so so weird. If I wanted to do this, my husband would absolutely indulge me for my 30th. And be able to occupy himself for two hours with his own children 🤯.

Some people just love to martyr themselves for their husbands. It is so unhealthy and unattractive.

NerrSnerr · 25/02/2023 08:39

DIYandEatCake · 24/02/2023 13:41

Babyhood feels like an eternity when you’re in that phase, but things change quickly and if it were me I think I’d just wait a year or two until the kids could be left with a relative and you could enjoy a relaxed meal with your husband. I like eating by myself too, but only when I don’t have to rush - I’d get stressed if service was slow and I knew I had a hungry/upset baby and frazzled husband waiting for me.

You know what the brilliant thing is? The OP could have a meal now and then also have a meal with her husband in a couple of years!!

Bayleaf25 · 25/02/2023 09:02

Although you don’t have local family, do you have family who would travel to you to babysit? Mumsnet is full of DMs and DMIL who want to be involved in the grandchildren’s life and this seems like a perfect opportunity for them to be involved. Your children will be weaning so can have other foods and potentially expressed milk. And great for them to start to be looked after by other family members.

My DH would feel sad to miss out on a special birthday celebration too. I wouldn’t take a young child to Michelin star restaurant as wouldn’t want to disturb others (although less likely if you opt for 12pm lunch).

bussteward · 25/02/2023 11:52

DIYandEatCake · 24/02/2023 13:41

Babyhood feels like an eternity when you’re in that phase, but things change quickly and if it were me I think I’d just wait a year or two until the kids could be left with a relative and you could enjoy a relaxed meal with your husband. I like eating by myself too, but only when I don’t have to rush - I’d get stressed if service was slow and I knew I had a hungry/upset baby and frazzled husband waiting for me.

Why would the baby be upset and the husband be frazzled? OP’s plan is clearly to feed the baby prior to her meal – during which the baby can also have some solids with her husband, after which she’ll feed the baby. Her husband is, presumably, an adult familiar with looking after his offspring on a solo basis while his wife takes perhaps two hours for herself. Maybe even three! Push that boat out!

DIYandEatCake · 25/02/2023 11:57

You make a good point, I’m probably projecting my own experiences here. If the OP has a baby who’s happy to be left for a few hours it would work, if her husband was happy.

Mumof3andshattered · 25/02/2023 15:18

AngelaMeerkat · 22/02/2023 22:38

I love eating out, particularly fine dining. Haven't done it for years because of DCs. I'm very happy dining alone and used to do it on work trips a lot in nice places.

I'd really like a really fancy lunch out for my 30th (eg 3 Michelin star type thing). I live about an hour from London on the train, but no really decent local restaurants.

DS is 4 and in nursery. DD (breastfed exclusively) will be 8.5 months for my 30th.

Would it be ridiculous and indulgent on my 30th to ask DH to come up to London with me and DD for the day, and take DD somewhere while I go and have a really fancy lunch on my own? I don't know whether it's rude to make him travel and then not let him come to lunch, but the distance means it would be stressful having DD go without breastfeeding for a whole trip if I did the whole thing alone, plus we could do some nice stuff before and after.

Also is it too risky to have both parents an hour away while DS is in nursery incase of emergency? We have no local family.

Is this a stupid idea or the only way I can have a lovely meal for the next few months?

Sounds selfish and a bit childish tbh. You're turning 30 and have 2 kids...how are you still so self centred ?
As a parent, especially one of a baby, and more so of a breastfed baby....you have to put the needs of your family first. Wait until your 31st and go then...when you have proper childcare and hopefully have grown out of your own "spoilt brat" phase too

RosaBonheur · 25/02/2023 15:21

Mumof3andshattered · 25/02/2023 15:18

Sounds selfish and a bit childish tbh. You're turning 30 and have 2 kids...how are you still so self centred ?
As a parent, especially one of a baby, and more so of a breastfed baby....you have to put the needs of your family first. Wait until your 31st and go then...when you have proper childcare and hopefully have grown out of your own "spoilt brat" phase too

Show quote history

Mummy martyr ^^

WaddleAway · 25/02/2023 15:26

Mumof3andshattered · 25/02/2023 15:18

Sounds selfish and a bit childish tbh. You're turning 30 and have 2 kids...how are you still so self centred ?
As a parent, especially one of a baby, and more so of a breastfed baby....you have to put the needs of your family first. Wait until your 31st and go then...when you have proper childcare and hopefully have grown out of your own "spoilt brat" phase too

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Why on earth is it self centred and spoilt to want to do something nice on your birthday?

Mumof3andshattered · 25/02/2023 15:30

WaddleAway · 25/02/2023 15:26

Why on earth is it self centred and spoilt to want to do something nice on your birthday?

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The part where she expects her husband and child to go out of their way to accommodate her...whilst they get excluded from the nice thing. Revolting behaviour