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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent wealthy friends holidays

219 replies

Catlover78 · 22/02/2023 22:27

I dread school holidays. Mostly because everyone we know has way more money than us resulting in an endless stream of Instagram or Facebook posts of skiing, Dubai, Thailand, whatever. I know I should feel happy for them, but I just feel like a failure that I can’t give my kids these experiences. I do my best to avoid social media, but inevitably this topic crops up in conversation and I find myself feeling small and ashamed that we just go to Wales for a long weekend. I know there are people me with far bigger issues than this, but I’m a bit worn down feeling skint and jealous.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 04/03/2023 10:17

Don't adult/parent by instagram, Facebook etc.

I don't think people need to be told you will never follow people who have exactly the same life as you

You will always find something to compare yourself too if you look hard enough

mellicauli · 04/03/2023 10:32

I don’t think these people giving their children fabulous holidays are doing their kids any favours. To really work hard and achieve you have to want something. How are you going to really aspire to something if you’ve done it all age 18? When they manage to pay for their first holiday abroad through their own efforts they are going to feel a joy those rich kids never will.

Grumpafrump · 04/03/2023 11:00

mellicauli · 04/03/2023 10:32

I don’t think these people giving their children fabulous holidays are doing their kids any favours. To really work hard and achieve you have to want something. How are you going to really aspire to something if you’ve done it all age 18? When they manage to pay for their first holiday abroad through their own efforts they are going to feel a joy those rich kids never will.

This is a bit of an unfair comment.

We take our kids on these kinds of holidays. I am a big fan of playing together as a family, and we treat these trips as an adventure where we are all learning and exploring and having fun together. Our most recent long haul was a SE Asia ‘backpacking light’ trip where we explored a couple countries, took overnight sleeper trains, rented motorbikes to explore the countryside, went snorkeling and had picnics at beaches we’d discover, tried out all kinds interesting food we don’t normally see at home in the markets, etc. Our kids are 7 and 9 and they had a ball. We played board games on the trains and our kids still giggle when we remember using the squatty potties in moving trains.

We also ski together, and the fun of it is all deciding together on the lifts which runs we want to take next, giggling about each other’s wipeouts, deciding together where we want to ski for lunch, etc.

Just because it’s a holiday outside of the UK doesn’t mean it’s spoiling them with too much luxury. Maybe that would be the case if we were always staying at the 4 seasons and being waited on hand and foot, but our family holidays abroad are designed for family bonding with adventure and exploration. The adventure bug is one that is hard to shake once you have a taste doe
it, and it’s something that will last a lifetime. So no, I do not think our kids will be jaded travelers with nothing left to look forward to as adults for having those experiences together. The world is a huge place!

Lotstosort · 04/03/2023 12:32

Catlover78 · 03/03/2023 21:19

I am skint, I work full time, I look after my kids and my ailing dad. I do also count my blessings. I do my best not to make anyone who is worse off than me feel bad. I have removed myself from social media, but my teenagers haven’t. When friends tell me that their holidays are all about ‘making memories’ with their kids I just feel bad that I can’t give them the same experiences. I don’t think it’s ‘petty’ I think it’s just natural.

OP I do feel for you and know what it is like juggling childcare, care for elderly parents and work in an undervalued sector. I just think you can make memories in other ways and are actually giving your children far more than some people who have lots of money and take expensive holidays are. By working for a charity you are giving them a role model to respect of a parents who is well educated and chose to use this education to work towards a better society. By taking to Wales on holiday you are making memories with them, but giving them valuable life lessons around living within their means and not destroying the planet by travelling by plane unnecessarily (no judgement here for people who do fly for holidays and of course I have too but I do think there is something to be said for limiting flights).

I think travel abroad is amazing. It can broaden the mind and help children to learn new languages/ experience life from others points of view. However, I don't think we need to go abroad every year and I don't think that all holidays that are posted on social media will be doing those things. I know you want the best for your children, but it sounds like you are probably already doing that.

BleepBipBoop · 04/03/2023 13:05

Catlover78 · 04/03/2023 07:37

let me use this analogy - if I had the perfect bikini body and yet I knew several of my friends hated the way they looked, had issues with their weight - it would just be cruel and insensitive to relentlessly post multiple shots of myself - essentially asking for their affirmation, admiration and congratulation. It is so easy when you have wealth to think ‘why shouldn’t people worse off feel happy for me!’. And that it’s ‘their problem’ for being poor and that they’re ‘being petty’. Have sensitivity and compassion.

This is literally the purpose of social media. It’s gross in many ways but if you or your children choose to participate you can’t fault others for using the site as it was intended.

thelengthspeoplegoto · 04/03/2023 21:16

It's difficult because it's so in your face. It's like the line in sit down, 'if I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor.'
A friend of mine who is pretty well off didn't have much when their kids were little, the same as lots of people. They used to go on holiday in an old caravan and they all say it's some of their happiest memories.
It is hard, but, it is what it is. I suppose it's coming to terms with it. Many people couldn't even afford a long weekend in Wales.
As many have said, try not to compare.

Coyoacan · 05/03/2023 15:01

I think one of the more valuable things we can teach our children is to see the beauty of what they have.

As I live overseas, Wales is an exotic place for me. Why can't what we have around the corner be as interesting for us as it would be for someone on the other side of the world?

LlynTegid · 05/03/2023 15:17

Leave Instagram and Facebook.

Wales is a beautiful country, language and culture. (I am biased I admit).

Plaidparty · 05/03/2023 18:29

mellicauli · 04/03/2023 10:32

I don’t think these people giving their children fabulous holidays are doing their kids any favours. To really work hard and achieve you have to want something. How are you going to really aspire to something if you’ve done it all age 18? When they manage to pay for their first holiday abroad through their own efforts they are going to feel a joy those rich kids never will.

comments like this are just to justify that because you can’t/don’t take your kids, abroad then no one else should.

Going by that analogy - why do anything nice with kids incase they don’t appreciate it when they pay for it? Food, clothes, trips, computers…

my kids loves her multiple trips abroad year and it absolutely broadens her horizons and shows her there is more out there than the U.K.

it is totally fine if that’s not for you but let’s not make up ridiculous reasons why people shouldn’t - least we forget that life is short and god knows what the future holds, it wasn’t that long ago we were not allowed further than the garden!

Coyoacan · 05/03/2023 19:45

If you can't appreciate what is around you, how are you going to appreciate things in another country?

mellicauli · 06/03/2023 22:59

@Plaidparty I guess it's like those pictures of a big pile of presents you see here sometimes at Christmas. The other person is always really proud but to me it just all seems a bit empty.

Motorcycleemptyness · 06/03/2023 23:17

Honestly, I’ve been round the world. I basically spend all my money on holidays. I love travel. I’ve been everywhere!

Can categorically state without question that every single child I’ve met would pick a camping holiday in wales over bloody Dubai (and I quite like Dubai, I’m definitely not a mumsnet Dubai hater!).

Plaidparty · 07/03/2023 07:10

mellicauli · 06/03/2023 22:59

@Plaidparty I guess it's like those pictures of a big pile of presents you see here sometimes at Christmas. The other person is always really proud but to me it just all seems a bit empty.

Empty to take your kids on holiday? Spending quality time together is empty?

I get people might prefer Wales to Florida/Spain/Japan but not sure you can call one empty and one not?

Really can’t understand the need to vilify people who take their kids out of the U.K., it might not be for you but that doesn’t mean other people don’t enjoy it and it’s wasteful.

WhyOhWine · 07/03/2023 11:08

We have travelled a lot with our DC (now young adults). They have now been on several holidays with friends on a budget and hugely enjoyed them. eg DD1 went interrailing with friends last summer, including two cities where we had been as a family and stayed in nice hotels. She had a fantastic time there with her friends despite staying in a hostel rather than the 4 seasons or similar.

In relation to the point about whether you are going to really aspire to something if you’ve done it all age 18, i think the opposite can be true, i.e. they have the travel bug and know what they will be missing if they cant afford nice holidays as adults which could incentivise them to aim to earn enough to be able to travel.

WandaWonder · 07/03/2023 11:14

We have had overseas holidays and camped and short breaks in between I can't say any of us prefers one holiday over another and we have them for different reasons and at different times, our child has caught the holiday bug and still wants to trcale with us as a teenager, that can change so we just take it as happy for now

I think people who feel need to be jealous of anyone will never be happy in themselves everyone is different and if it is jealously of what you see on social media best stay of it

Conkersinautumn · 07/03/2023 11:21

It's great to travel but it's definitely for the hard headed and uncating now. Posting pictures of beautiful exotic locations shows a lack of care for your carbon footprint or shows you're prepared to gawp at others living in poverty for your R& R. Gen Z would all rather do voluntary work in the UK rebuilding dry stone or seeding native meadow species as far as I can tell.

WandaWonder · 07/03/2023 11:24

Conkersinautumn · 07/03/2023 11:21

It's great to travel but it's definitely for the hard headed and uncating now. Posting pictures of beautiful exotic locations shows a lack of care for your carbon footprint or shows you're prepared to gawp at others living in poverty for your R& R. Gen Z would all rather do voluntary work in the UK rebuilding dry stone or seeding native meadow species as far as I can tell.

How many flights to Tenerife, Malaga, Benidorm, usual spots are there? Are they really decreasing?

Grumpafrump · 07/03/2023 15:23

Conkersinautumn · 07/03/2023 11:21

It's great to travel but it's definitely for the hard headed and uncating now. Posting pictures of beautiful exotic locations shows a lack of care for your carbon footprint or shows you're prepared to gawp at others living in poverty for your R& R. Gen Z would all rather do voluntary work in the UK rebuilding dry stone or seeding native meadow species as far as I can tell.

Lol. This has got to be a MN classic. Britain’s 11-26 year olds would, as a whole, rather spend their Easter holidays reseeding native meadow species in their rainy little UK villages than do ANY travel. 🤣

“Thanks mum, but no, I don’t want to come with you and dad to explore Japan by high speed rail/go skiing in Switzerland/go on safari in South Africa. My true heart’s desire for the next two weeks is to simply stay home and rebuild some dry stone.”

fluffylampbear · 07/03/2023 17:08

that is funny 🤣🤣

skippy67 · 07/03/2023 17:13

Catlover78 · 04/03/2023 07:37

let me use this analogy - if I had the perfect bikini body and yet I knew several of my friends hated the way they looked, had issues with their weight - it would just be cruel and insensitive to relentlessly post multiple shots of myself - essentially asking for their affirmation, admiration and congratulation. It is so easy when you have wealth to think ‘why shouldn’t people worse off feel happy for me!’. And that it’s ‘their problem’ for being poor and that they’re ‘being petty’. Have sensitivity and compassion.

That's a really rubbish analogy. Like saying I should get upset about people posting pics of their days out with their mums because mine is dead.
Just find contentment in your own life ffs.

WaddleAway · 07/03/2023 17:13

Conkersinautumn · 07/03/2023 11:21

It's great to travel but it's definitely for the hard headed and uncating now. Posting pictures of beautiful exotic locations shows a lack of care for your carbon footprint or shows you're prepared to gawp at others living in poverty for your R& R. Gen Z would all rather do voluntary work in the UK rebuilding dry stone or seeding native meadow species as far as I can tell.

How many holidays/flights did you take before you decided that the next generation should stay on home soil?

Lovetotravel123 · 07/03/2023 17:27

Just because someone is in Dubai doesn’t mean they are having a good time. Families have all sorts of issues that aren’t shown on Facebook.

Authorisatingarchibald · 07/03/2023 17:30

Motorcycleemptyness · 06/03/2023 23:17

Honestly, I’ve been round the world. I basically spend all my money on holidays. I love travel. I’ve been everywhere!

Can categorically state without question that every single child I’ve met would pick a camping holiday in wales over bloody Dubai (and I quite like Dubai, I’m definitely not a mumsnet Dubai hater!).

Trust me. Nobody in my family derives any pleasure from a tent

Motorcycleemptyness · 07/03/2023 17:33

Authorisatingarchibald · 07/03/2023 17:30

Trust me. Nobody in my family derives any pleasure from a tent

Show quote history

Then you must be doing it wrong. How sad for you.

ssd · 07/03/2023 17:35

Kids dont love camping, not the reality of it. They do it cos they are taken by their folks.

Its kind of patronising to tell people kids would rather go camping in the UK than get on a plane somewhere hot.

Its like saying kids would rather play with the box than the toy...