To resent wealthy friends holidays

[Catlover78]

I dread school holidays. Mostly because everyone we know has way more money than us resulting in an endless stream of Instagram or Facebook posts of skiing, Dubai, Thailand, whatever. I know I should feel happy for them, but I just feel like a failure that I can’t give my kids these experiences. I do my best to avoid social media, but inevitably this topic crops up in conversation and I find myself feeling small and ashamed that we just go to Wales for a long weekend. I know there are people me with far bigger issues than this, but I’m a bit worn down feeling skint and jealous.

Also i wanted to add, growing up we went on holidays almost every year which were always “all inclusive” holidays which when i look now cost less than £30 to fly to those locations. These holiday's were never really for my sister and I because as soon as we got there, we were put into kids clubs and my mum would go out partying, exploring and doing whatever she did while we were cooped up in a club and they never took the kids out of the hotels and we explored not that often so didnt really get a feel for those holidays.

My last Holiday was when i was 11 (im 30 now) and we went on a Cruise of the Caribbean. We are from the Caribbean but this time was island hopping. We couldnt afford this holiday AT ALL and my mum made a point to start saving a year or so before we left meaning we would really have to scrimp and save and go without just for a holiday she and the family wanted! I remember the only ones going without for the years leading up were my sister and I as my mum continued getting whatever she wanted!

we needed vaccinations to go there and it made me incredibly sick and temporarily blind! By the time we actually got there i spent the first of the two weeks stuck in my cabin violently sick unable to even look out the little circle cabin window to view where we had docked! The second week was just ok and that was because i wasnt sick but none of that mattered because i was left with a lifelong chronic illness i would never get rid of for the rest of my life! All because my mum and her sisters wanted a stupid cruise holiday we couldn’t afford and it essentially ruined my life! Never been away since because im too sick to now and a few years after coming home my mum would complain she couldnt go abroad because I was sick and she had to stay and care for me! Like i was holding her back!

There was no social media like there is today so no taking pictures to rub in peoples faces but regardless, one of the most expensive holidays we have been on was one of my worst! My mum couldnt wait to kick me out at 16 because i was sick and didnt wait long before resuming her “holidays!”

Honestly things are not always as they first seem! I have never even explored the UK so dont know what this country is like, just London and very few areas in England and i was born here!

You sound like an arse. OP can't magic up money.

I can understand how you feel but please don't think your DC are missing out. I spend a serious amount of dosh on holidays because I like going to different places, not because the DC particularly care. They do like travelling, but I wouldn't say that their enjoyment is greater when they're somewhere fancy vs camping in the UK. DD's favourite holiday was a family week at PGL. DS just wants WiFi (although room service is a plus!).

Well indeed, my sons main take-away from a two week holiday in Germany and Austria where we did amazing things was......stopping in McDonalds on the drive home from the airport.

They will have plenty of time to travel when they are older and it will be much more of an adventure for them. I had never been out of Europe till I was 18 and when I did, it was a massive adventure.

My daughter is at an independent school and all of her friends are forever jetting off either on thousand pound school trips or long haul family holidays and we can’t even afford camping in the summer holidays. She’s lost a few friends from being too poor to keep up with them and I do feel the guilt a lot. However I’ve also explained to dd hundreds of times that if she changes schools to a state one, we can have those holidays and days out but she chooses school every time so I’m guessing she gets it.

Since unfollowing or snoozing anyone advertising their life story of holidays / dinners / spa days etc etc etc on socials, I feel so much better! I don’t want to know. Same with “friends” who blather on about how tight things are whilst literally shovelling money around the place - we try to mute them in real life now to preserve our mental health.

I don’t use social media but I agree, it’s hard to avoid hearing about it. I’m in the same boat, op. To make matters worse, my ex takes my kids away on nice holidays — which I’m happy about for them of course, but I feel like I miss out as I can’t afford those trips and they do have more fun with him.

And it’s really not true that a weekend in Wales is ‘just as amazing’ as two weeks all inclusive in Mexico. It’s just not.

I just remind myself that some people have a lot less than us and carry on. It’s all you can do.

This is really offensive!

Some people have just been shat upon from a great height in life. It’s not always a choice.

Now why would you say that? You sound really bitter.

When I a little girl we holidayed all around the UK in a little cream and brown touring caravan. I absolutely loved those holidays because they felt cosy and exciting at the same time. When I was a teenager we could afford to holiday in Europe and I have such happy memories of those times too. Since having my own family we have often flown long haul and stayed 5* and had some fantastic times. But none of these holidays were any better than the others they were just very different.

My post was not intended to offend but usually it is possible to improve your circumstances (not always).

For example single parents can often get help or free childcare to attend college and university

If you need to work then you could do a course on a evening to change careers

This is my own approach to life.

What is ridiculous is people coming on here suggesting those that do have holidays etc are in debt, are in miserable marriages, aren’t happy in life etc just so they can feel better!!!

I can assure you that is not the case for many people who holiday regularly- it’s simply because they manage their finances in a way that enables them to achieve their goals

I used to be jealous of my friends going to Spain in the 70s. I am not now as some of them have had skin cancer.

I know that...?

I think in 10-20 years, the by-then grown-ups who were taken on multiple holidays abroad by plane every year as children will be wondering what on earth their parents were thinking.

My fondest memories are of holidays with mum, dad and brother in caravans in Wales, Cornwall etc and my mum said they were terrible! But we loved them! Your children don't know what Dubai is (I hate the thought of Dubai) so don't beat yourself up.

I haven't always had lots of money available to travel, but I love to travel in other ways

Most of us will never go into space, but we can still learn & wonder !

Most of us will never roll in a forest with mountain gorillas, see wild birds of paradise, swim under sea ice

I dream about places that I would like to visit

I read books

I watch TV programmes, films, social media, blogs

I listen to what the local people recommend now & historically

Visit museums

Explore places locally & far away

I didn't go abroad til 18. Didn't think it was weird. Im was the only one who was having their first ever flight on my first girls holiday but didn't feel like ninjas missed out

Not really butter. I’m just saying that we never know anyone’s true financial position. Someone living a paired down life could be debt free with loads of savings and someone that appears rich and living the high life could be drowning in debt

My friends who go on lots of exotic holidays can afford to do so because they earn a lot of money. The instant reaction on here is always ‘they’re probably in loads of debt’ for some reason. Chances are they’ve just got more money.

My happiest memories are baking cakes with my mum xx

I don't know if this helps at all but I grew up POOR. Like about as poor as you can get in the UK... and I had the best most magical childhood. Now that I'm an adult my Mum has mentioned a few times how terrible she always felt that we didn't have as much as other kids. Always wore hand-me-downs, never went on holiday, didn't have PlayStation or dvd players or really much of anything for Christmas besides colouring books and new jumpers. We genuinely never noticed as kids. Mum focused on what she could give us, which was lots of attention and making everyday things seem magical. She'd sit and craft with us, she'd save up newspapers and make Christmas decorations with us, make camp fires in the garden and roast marshmallows, make us treasure maps in the local park with a small back of sweets to share at the end ... all almost free experiences, but absolutely the best time as kids because Mum made it so special and fun. We had a ride on lawnmower a neighbour gave us for free because it was broken. We used it as a go cart. We built dens and tyre swings. We swam in the local river. Life was good ☺ I had friend who always went on summer holidays to India ... I didn't really know what India was and couldn't care less that I hadn't been 😂

Just to give you an alternative view on this - I've travelled a lot with my children and my husband and I are in the position to be able to do holidays abroad (especially with family who we can stay with in US, Canada and Brazil), and although we've had some good experiences, my children (now 5 and 8) often say they don't want to go and would prefer to have more time at home and/or doing things that they enjoy locally, especially spending time with their friends! I also find it personally quite stressful to do all the prep for holidays and manage the children in airports and on the flights - there are often delays etc that make me need a 'proper' holiday after we return.
I'm looking at long weekends in Wales for this year :)

I think if you feel bad or sad about missing out, it's OK for this to be on your own behalf. Most families I know who holiday a lot abroad do so because THEY love travel or at most, because they want to share places and experiences they are into with their children. None of the children are particularly bothered one way or the other, honestly. I'm bringing mine to New York for a week later this year and I am far, far more excited for this once in a lifetime trip than they are. And in fact I've lived there so it's not anything new to me.

It's the negativity that's bringing you down .
try to remember you are on your life path,they are on theirs.
think about the law of attraction and mindful living.
concentrate on what you are happy with.