To resent wealthy friends holidays

[Catlover78]

I dread school holidays. Mostly because everyone we know has way more money than us resulting in an endless stream of Instagram or Facebook posts of skiing, Dubai, Thailand, whatever. I know I should feel happy for them, but I just feel like a failure that I can’t give my kids these experiences. I do my best to avoid social media, but inevitably this topic crops up in conversation and I find myself feeling small and ashamed that we just go to Wales for a long weekend. I know there are people me with far bigger issues than this, but I’m a bit worn down feeling skint and jealous.

How come everyone you know is minted? I’m deeply middle class but none of my friends (albeit we are old school friends from a state school) have taken their kids abroad this half term. We had a weekend in Yorkshire and I think one friend was camping in Northumberland but otherwise it’s a normal week of parents working or taking annual leave for days at home or day trips out locally, or children in childcare like holiday club.

I know one person who has been skiiing recently, a colleague who doesn’t have children.

2 of my friends have gone skiing with their families this half term, 1 has gone to Thailand and 1 to Jamaica! I wouldn’t say they’re absolutely minted, but have plenty of spare cash for nice holidays. All my old friends from state school too!

Ughhh. This is what the "snooze for 30 days" function on Facebook was invented for.

Console yourself with the knowledge that (having seen my SiL setting up some of the 'perfect' holiday shots and selfies) these people usually spend more of their precious holiday time trying to impress others, and trying to find places they've seen on Instagram, than they spend actually enjoying themselves.

Not all of us, thanks.

I'm one of the countries you mentioned for work reasons. I would far far rather be in Wales.

Rather patronising post with an assumption that I need to educate myself. I have an MA degree, but work for a charity because I feel passionate about the cause.

Can't really winge about not being able to afford holidays then can you

It’s not so much not being able to afford holidays, it’s the insensitivity of other people boasting about theirs when times are tough for so many of us. I look after my disabled dad too, so this adds to my commitments.

Why shouldn't people share their wonderful experiences? If you don't want to see...don't look/unfriend/remove yourself from social media.
People have every right to share their joy with their friends. The only people who have a problem are jealous and petty. A true friend, and a decent person, would be happy to see their friends happy.
You're the one that said you were skint....unfortunately, that's noones problem but yours

I am skint, I work full time, I look after my kids and my ailing dad. I do also count my blessings. I do my best not to make anyone who is worse off than me feel bad. I have removed myself from social media, but my teenagers haven’t. When friends tell me that their holidays are all about ‘making memories’ with their kids I just feel bad that I can’t give them the same experiences. I don’t think it’s ‘petty’ I think it’s just natural.

Yep, do this. Honestly it's the answer.

Why did you think this would be helpful.

We can afford nice holidays but my kids prefer caravan holidays less that 1 hour drive from our house .

Kids are easily pleased. My kids can't be bothered with airports etc.

@Quitelikeit I didn't decide to go into a career earning 17.5k a year, I decided to train for a career helping people (I'm a Careers Advisor) over 20 years ago after I got my Bachelors degree. Unfortunately, our society doesn't value helping people for a living the way it does footballers, so keyworkers like me earn a pittance. I work in an FE college 4 days a week and the FE sector has been hugely underfunded for many, many years yet helps students get basic skills & train for jobs / qualify for uni entry. Age 26 I had a responsible job earning 16k a year, the next year my caseload was 3000 young people, many of whom were homeless, young offenders or had CP plans, etc. 7 years after that I was earning 28k and supervising colleagues. That's when Gove decided Careers Advice was a luxury & cut the Connexions budgets. I got notice of redundancy, I was 34. My husband has been a Higher Level TA in primary schools for 20 years & is considering training for the clergy. I got notice of redundancy again 3 years later, at the first FE college I worked in, I side stepped to HE admin roles to start a family, took mat leave, relocated for cheaper housing, was the breadwinner again for 2 yrs after mat leave, left to get my masters to re-enter education sector jobs & move into leadership roles, so in fact the opposite is true, I have made conscious choices to educate myself, have a stable career and try to raise myself through the ranks. The type of jobs we do are largely taken by women, hence the rubbish pay, because our society values women less than keyworkers. I have helped thousands of people over the years get to college, uni, apprenticeship or job as their end goal. I do that as a qualified professional. I earn 17.5k now a year for my trouble, I work p/t as I have 2 unseen disabilities and another health condition, a 7 year old with ASD & ADHD, a husband who has helped hundreds of kids get thru primary school & with online safety and running sports clubs.

The thanks we have received for these efforts? Having to make peace wiv not being valued enough to earn a decent income & have quality of life.

It was a choice to be a qualified professional, to do something useful in the world, not be broken down & cheated out of a decent living by politicians.

Why are you not happy for your friends to have nice holidays? I'm getting elderly and some of my friends have no money and some of them have no health, I'd much rather they were flying off to Thailand

I agree. I couldn’t have children but my FB feed is full of family get together and pictures of cute children/grandchildren. Which I don’t mind seeing and liking. Why shouldn’t I share my own wonderful holiday experiences?

let me use this analogy - if I had the perfect bikini body and yet I knew several of my friends hated the way they looked, had issues with their weight - it would just be cruel and insensitive to relentlessly post multiple shots of myself - essentially asking for their affirmation, admiration and congratulation. It is so easy when you have wealth to think ‘why shouldn’t people worse off feel happy for me!’. And that it’s ‘their problem’ for being poor and that they’re ‘being petty’. Have sensitivity and compassion.

But why should your friends stop making memories with their kids because you can't make the same memories? It is petty...the jealousy is petty and you're being really small minded. I go on several amazing holidays a year...to make memories. I also go caravanning in Blackpool, camping 10 miles down the road...to make memories. And yes, I share pictures . Not to make other people feel bad - to share our experiences with loved ones that live away and they are HAPPY for us.

You are not anyone else's concern...if other people are proud of what they have done, they have ever right to share that. People who care for them will be pleased for them. Less self centred people will be happy for their friends. They chose to prioritise different things to you, they're allowed to do that and you have no right to complain.

You chose to work in a charity, you chose to care for your father, you can't then expect people around you to pretend they don't enjoy their lives without those restrictions.

You're being bitter, and that's a seriously unattractive trait to show your children. Worry less about everyone else and focus on enjoying what you do have/can do.

Its really quite childish that this post has even been created. 95% of the replies are telling you that you're being ridiculous.... surely that's enough to tell you....you're being ridiculous . Be mature, get over it, move on and live your life.

Why do you say that?
Every holiday we went on last year we experienced something amazing, wildlife, natural beauty.

I can't imagine my kids speaking at my funeral saying "I wish we didn't climb that volcano on a camel together, wish we never dived with stingrays, God I wish we never explored those caves or saw that lagoon.....I'd far rather have stayed at home and watched TV"

The poster is referring to the environmental impact of the multiple international flights every year, I believe.

Ah well...I didn't charter my own flights so can't see my children feeling too guilty.

There is massive and increasing financial inequality in the UK.
Enjoy what you have as a life philosophy is all very well but fundamentally I think we need to make huge changes when our country has widespread food bank use at the same time as we have billionaires with private jets.

Why do you assume that? Plenty of people can afford fancy holidays easily or choose to sacrifice other things to make it happen. The majority of people can’t but if you spend a lot of time in social media it feels the opposite.

I’m sure recounting the experiences your children have had is very helpful to the OP. Have you ever heard the phrase “tone deaf”?

Did you read the entire post ? It was about perspective...despite all those experiences, they're not the things my children say they enjoyed most.
Perhaps read the whole thing before commenting...