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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent wealthy friends holidays

219 replies

Catlover78 · 22/02/2023 22:27

I dread school holidays. Mostly because everyone we know has way more money than us resulting in an endless stream of Instagram or Facebook posts of skiing, Dubai, Thailand, whatever. I know I should feel happy for them, but I just feel like a failure that I can’t give my kids these experiences. I do my best to avoid social media, but inevitably this topic crops up in conversation and I find myself feeling small and ashamed that we just go to Wales for a long weekend. I know there are people me with far bigger issues than this, but I’m a bit worn down feeling skint and jealous.

OP posts:
YesYou · 23/02/2023 11:27

"They are probably going into debt to have them"

Rubbish. I'm one of the people who takes my kids all over the world and puts photographs on SM. I wish all families that wanted to travel could.

I love cheap holidays as much as I love the expensive ones and so do my kids. I'm not in debt and find it bizarre people are assuming I am!

Mistletoewench · 23/02/2023 11:29

PolicyOfTruth · 22/02/2023 22:50

Screw them. My kids go to a posh school where there are some multimillionaires and they have bigger garages than my house and go on multiple holidays on their yacht in Barbados (I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not). I can't personally afford a holiday of any sort and haven't been in a holiday in years. However, my children love their school and as a family, we're happy. Yes, I'd love to jet off to somewhere warm, but that's just not an option and I'm lucky enough to have a nice garden and a comfortable home and that'll do.

I love this attitude ❤️

MistyFrequencies · 23/02/2023 11:30

We went to Singapore on our last holiday. The kids though still constantly talk about the time we camped 1 hrs drive from our house. Really showed me that more expensive does not = better. Try and keep that in mind.

TheOrigRights · 23/02/2023 11:30

Expand your friendships?
You must know that what you are seeing is not representative of most of the UK.
It seems odd that nearly all the people you know have these sorts of holidays. I know people who have that sort of holiday, people who don't get to go away at all, whereas most people are in between.

weatherthestorms · 23/02/2023 11:32

Comparison is the thief of joy

This.

Gymmum82 · 23/02/2023 11:35

The kids won’t care. We live in a relatively middle class area. Though we aren’t wealthy. Their school friends go to Lapland and Disney world. Our kids have been lucky to go to spain and Turkey.
Their favourite holiday which they talk about over and over again was a caravan Park in Skegness.
Kids aren’t bothered about exotic locations. Ours would be happy with a weekend camping than going abroad

GettingStuffed · 23/02/2023 11:36

I would imagine you get more quality time with your kids in Wales. These other destinations give the impression that they're sit by the pool time. Most of my experience on our pool days show parents ignoring their children who are in the pool whilst their parents drink cocktails or beer and just lie there.

DesignforLife · 23/02/2023 11:36

Although we were very working class with not a lot of money, my parents were obsessed with going on holidays abroad so every penny we had went towards our holidays (at the expense of normal, everyday living) and they would lord their "jetsetting" status over everyone else we knew. In addition to our annual fortnight in Greece/Spain/Malta, I would spend a week in the summer holidays at my grandmas's caravan, at a caravan park around an hours drive from where we lived.

When I was asked to write an essay at school about the best holiday I'd ever had, guess which one I chose? My parents were not amused at all!

My point is that a holiday is what you make it and kids, especially, don't care - they just want to have fun.

As an adult I do love to travel although I also love a staycation. DH and I try to do a special, longhaul holiday once every five years and one of my friends did have a go at me for rubbing her face in the fact that she couldn't do that kind of thing. I was quite shocked and I do appreciate her situation but I don't book holidays in order to show off to others and I don't post on SM with the intention of boasting - I'm just living my life, making myself happy and ensuring my memories are recorded.

Quitelikeit · 23/02/2023 11:38

Is there any reason you can’t afford holidays?

what is the obstacle to earning more?

I mean if you don’t work through choice or you can’t be bothered to go to college/university so you can afford these things then that’s just the way it goes.

Also I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a holiday to wales

WhyOhWine · 23/02/2023 11:38

We always went on holiday for a week in a trailer tent within a couple of hours from home when I was a child. We now go on the types of holiday you are talking about (not Dubai) as well as some in the UK. Although i think the DC have enjoyed and appreciated all our holidays, i really see them more for my and DH's benefit, and the DC have enjoyed the UK holidays as much as the others. When they are little on a beach with a bucket and spade, i honestly dont think they care whether that beach is in the UK or Dubai or Thailand.
I make a photo book every year, and when the DC look back through them, it is not necessarily photos of fancy holidays which cause them to smile and reminisce, but maybe a photo on the seesaw at their favourite local playground, or a photo of an enactment 3 billy goats gruff in the park near my parents house (DH as troll), a photo covered in mud from splashing in puddles.

GrazingSheep · 23/02/2023 11:40

Holidays like that are for the adults. Most kids aren't bothered.

I don’t agree. We have been on many holidays abroad. Kids had a ball. They have equally enjoyed holidays at home too.

Rockofages67321 · 23/02/2023 11:44

I went to Thailand on holiday for the first time in my 40s

I really appreciated it & knew that I had saved up to go

My parents have never been abroad, but we enjoyed holidays together, to Wales, Cornwall & Scotland. We also enjoyed days out to the beach & zoo

People enjoy different things & have different budgets

YourApplePie · 23/02/2023 11:51

My DD has travelled the world, stayed in some epic hotels, had once-in-a-lifetime experiences...

Her favourite holiday memory is always cited as the time I peed on my leg outside a caravan in Devon.

theleafandnotthetree · 23/02/2023 11:57

CrapBucket · 23/02/2023 11:07

I've muted anyone who I found myself being envious of. Or thinking 'I bet they are secretly having a shit time and their husband is a cheat and their kids are brats' because I don't want to be a person that wishes negativity on others.

Jealousy is such a shitty emotion. Its so logical and understandable, but also so self destructive. So I do whatever I can to avoid that feeling.

Some ways of looking at it -

Other people like me are benefiting from The Rich going on posh holidays and spending money in the local economy. So my fellow skint people in Spain/Barbados etc have jobs and that's good for the universe.

If all The Rich went to (e.g.) Wales, the prices would go up, and I wouldn't be able to afford it.

The posh places will always exist in the world and one day I might take my grandchildren and grown up children there. The future isn't set in stone and fortunes can change.

Then its a case of appreciating what you do have, you can if you wish take any number of lovely photos of the grass and the blue sky etc and make anything look amazing and stick it in Insta or frame it and hang it in your house. Partly a bit of a con but also partly that beauty is actually all around us and its nice to remind ourselves that.

I hope I don't sound too Pollyanna because this isn't meant to be glib, I do truly understand your feelings op.

You sound so lovely! And what a great way of looking at things 😊

closetparty · 23/02/2023 11:59

I hate when people are like oh kids favourite holidays are Wales, they never like those fancy holidays. Maybe some kids but not all kids and that's ok - all kids are different. I say that as someone who only ever got a caravan holiday for most of my childhood and I can certainly say when I got something more, I certainly enjoyed it more.

It is ok to be envious and ok to want more/different things and it does nobody any favours to pretend it is not. I know people are like don't compare yourself but it's human nature.

Also, hate the 'you are lucky to get a caravan'. It is not a race to the bottom and we are all allowed to aspire for something we see as better (of course this is subjective to the individual)

HistoryFanatic · 23/02/2023 12:03

PolicyOfTruth · 22/02/2023 22:50

Screw them. My kids go to a posh school where there are some multimillionaires and they have bigger garages than my house and go on multiple holidays on their yacht in Barbados (I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not). I can't personally afford a holiday of any sort and haven't been in a holiday in years. However, my children love their school and as a family, we're happy. Yes, I'd love to jet off to somewhere warm, but that's just not an option and I'm lucky enough to have a nice garden and a comfortable home and that'll do.

Is this a fee paying school? If so you could decide to send them to a state school and have holidays instead. 🤷‍♀️ You can't be that skint.

cocksstrideintheevening · 23/02/2023 12:04

My kids are very well travelled, had some awesome 5* holidays, US, skiing, Bahamas etc.

The two they always talk about are a caravan holiday on the IoW and Butlins.

And no I don't get into debt to go on holiday.

Newuser82 · 23/02/2023 12:05

I'd echo what others have said. We have been to a few lovely overseas holidays and yet my eldest sons favourite holidays are those that we have done glamping with a fire pit and marshmallows and running free on a beach. Honestly kids really only want your time.

mondaytosunday · 23/02/2023 12:06

Ha as a friend just posted that she was off 'for a sneaky weekend ski trip' - must be at least her third this season - I do feel a bit jealous! But so what. She has more disposable income than me, I have way more than others. I'm more envious that she has a husband who she can go with (I'm a widow).

Annabananna1 · 23/02/2023 12:06

I understand.
I find it uncomfortable that my friends (mum friends mostly) drive Mercedes, range rovers, bmw etc.... I am struggling to keep my little tin can of a car going.
And I have no Hope of getting one of those types of car until my kids leave home.
Same with peoples kitchens, I dream of the day I can have a big gorgeous kitchen extension with an island and beautiful bar stools, huge windows and all the mod cons.

It is what it is.
And the truth is I made some stupid decisions in my teens and early 20s and I definitely haven't worked as hard as I should have done. I also haven't taken risks that I should have taken. With all the excuses I could put, that's the real reason. So, as a result I don't have the luxurious lifestyle I'd like. Try not to dwell on it. We make the best of what we have and if you want to change it, work towards changing it.

ChickenDhansak82 · 23/02/2023 12:06

I know one friend that Instagrams their expensive holidays, but I know for a fact it's about the ONLY time they spend any time with their kids.

Kids don't NEED expensive holidays. They just want to have fun, and fun is anything that makes them laugh and smile.

We go on holiday to my parents house so free accommodation. It's about 15 minutes drive to the beach (free) and then plenty of parks, a few museums, and the leisure centres run lots of sports events for kids. We have an amazing time!

This year I'm taking my son abroad to France. We booked a cheap RyanAir flight and found a flat on airbnb to rent for a week. We will then use public transport from the airport to the town.

Lcb123 · 23/02/2023 12:07

Don’t assume they’re happy. I worked as a nanny for a family who did all that and they were so miserable- never stopped complaining about everything.

Warrensrabbit · 23/02/2023 12:14

I love Wales. Dubai on the other hand, you couldn’t pay me to go back there

BoredBetsy · 23/02/2023 12:20

Don't be envious. Your holidays to Wales are probably a lot of fun for your kids.
Kids don't have the desire to see the world like adults do. They just want to have quality time with their families.
I'm another who has taken my dc on a few holidays and their favourite holiday ever was on a sheep farm in the uk where they spent hours playing with sheep dogs.

Basecampzero · 23/02/2023 12:27

I had lots of nice holidays. It was the rest of my life that was terrible (unkind DH). Try not to think that everything in someone's life is rosy despite appearances.

Money alone doesn't make you happy.

Also my parents took me on a couple of holidays abroad and it was really boring as they just want to sunbathe and spend time in bars. I would much rather have had holidays in Wales with parents who interacted with me.

You sound like a lovely mum who cares enough for her children to want them to have a good time. That's worth a lot!