To resent wealthy friends holidays

[Catlover78]

I dread school holidays. Mostly because everyone we know has way more money than us resulting in an endless stream of Instagram or Facebook posts of skiing, Dubai, Thailand, whatever. I know I should feel happy for them, but I just feel like a failure that I can’t give my kids these experiences. I do my best to avoid social media, but inevitably this topic crops up in conversation and I find myself feeling small and ashamed that we just go to Wales for a long weekend. I know there are people me with far bigger issues than this, but I’m a bit worn down feeling skint and jealous.

But why is this concerning you and taking up your energy?
I have friends and colleagues who go on holidays a lot more than me, of course it would be in our conversations but doesn't really bother me. I ask them questions about their trips, there are always interesting things to learn or funny stories to laugh about. They've never said anything to make me feel bad/inferior so there's no problem.
My DC has talked to me many times about wanting to travel more, my answer is always the same: this is what I can afford, or what I want to afford in favour of other things. When you grow up, you can travel as much as you wish and are able to afford.

This! My DS(9) has spent 3 days of the half term so far in Uni with me sitting through all my workshops not being able to speak or play games! I have no childcare and luckily the uni doesn't mind him coming in. Not much fun for him though!

You know what my best memories are from my childhood are, they're spending holidays with my friends and family, playing in the garden, making dens in the woods and riding bikes by the river. I cant remember where I went on holiday when I was a child but when I come home to my mums house and walk around area I always have a little smile on my face from just remembering the amazing childhood I had with my friends and my mother. Trust me, it really doesn't matter if you go on holiday somewhere fancy, You just being there for your children does.

Delete social media. It's great

I certainly feel a pang of jealousy, rightly or wrongly, but try to keep it in check. I work just as hard as the friends who have holidays like that but the reward is sadly not as great (in many ways)!

What I do really, really resent is people openly talking about the cost, e.g. "I can't believe this holiday is costing us 5 figures" without reading the room and realising that a 5 figure sum isn't a disposable sum of money for many people and (especially at the moment) could be a life changing amount in terms of helping with finances and stress levels etc.

Holidays like that are for the adults. Most kids aren't bothered.

I really wouldn’t compare op as for all you know it’s all smoke and mirrors and they are actually upto their eyeballs in debt
and even if they are not
your kids will Hve the best time in wales
tbh best thing you can do is unfollow
so I’ll media is pretty toxic for our well being
it’s not real connection

I grew up in a family with little money. Our holidays used to be caravanning in the UK.

I have now moved on with my life and earn considerably more than my parents did and can afford the more 'luxurious' holidays.

Best times of my life were caravanning in the UK, meeting kids on the site, exploring in the woods, cooking stuff over a fire.

If you ask me, UK holidays are much more fun than sitting round a pool in Dubai with an iPad bored out of your mind.

Holidays are what you make them, not where you go.

I never went abroad for the first time until I was 19. We had a week in Clacton every summer holiday as kids, I still remember those holidays fondly.

Unfollow them, they’ll never know and you’ll be happier.

We could afford abroad, we go away in the UK because we enjoy it more. Love a week at butlins, little travel involved and the kids have a ball. Quite often go with friends who live quite far away so great time for a proper catch up.

Bonus is because its not pricey in comparison, we can go on multiple trips a year and explore the beautiful contry we actually live in! I wouldn't change it for the world.

When I was a kid, we had holidays abroad but my fave most treasured holiday memories are all playing cards in caravans whilst it pissed it down in Looe or braving the freezing sea in a dinghy with my dad in Wales.

By multiple, I mean like 2 separate mon-fri breaks and maybe a couple of weekends. Just to clarify!

Why? Plenty of people go on expensive holidays and don't go into debt.

My kids would prefer a long weekend in Wales to Dubai. First world problems OP.

Someone I know on Facebook has the most amazing holidays (with and without children) goes out socially loads. In one year she probably goes out more than I do in ten years! However, she has told me many times how much she worries about things, how she struggles when comparing herself to others. It annoys she struggles with what she sees on Facebook yet she adds to it for others with her amazing photos!

Now whenever I see her photos I time myself that she’s really not as content in herself as I am. Hard to do when she’s away again!

My first trip abroad was a school trip to Brittany when I was 16. Family holidays were always Tenby or somewhere. I really don’t think I missed out on anything.

I've muted anyone who I found myself being envious of. Or thinking 'I bet they are secretly having a shit time and their husband is a cheat and their kids are brats' because I don't want to be a person that wishes negativity on others.

Jealousy is such a shitty emotion. Its so logical and understandable, but also so self destructive. So I do whatever I can to avoid that feeling.

Some ways of looking at it -

Other people like me are benefiting from The Rich going on posh holidays and spending money in the local economy. So my fellow skint people in Spain/Barbados etc have jobs and that's good for the universe.

If all The Rich went to (e.g.) Wales, the prices would go up, and I wouldn't be able to afford it.

The posh places will always exist in the world and one day I might take my grandchildren and grown up children there. The future isn't set in stone and fortunes can change.

Then its a case of appreciating what you do have, you can if you wish take any number of lovely photos of the grass and the blue sky etc and make anything look amazing and stick it in Insta or frame it and hang it in your house. Partly a bit of a con but also partly that beauty is actually all around us and its nice to remind ourselves that.

I hope I don't sound too Pollyanna because this isn't meant to be glib, I do truly understand your feelings op.

As a child we went abroad on a few exotic holidays, they were a blur, I mostly just remember feeling sick on the plane and tired all the time because it was so hot.

In contrast I've got vivid memories of holidays near Swansea, a place called Brandy Cove. Loved the rock pools and secret caves and the stormy seas with huge waves.

Meant to add I’ve done a fair bit of travelling as a childless/free adult and think I’ve enjoyed it more than I would have had I been taken as a child.

I get where you are coming from.

My children do nothing. We can only do one day trip to the local farm park or something each holiday and that’s it.

We’ve not been on any type of break for over a decade, but that’s just life. The people I know who can go away made better life choices than I did.

I mean, We probably could if we got into debt, but we don’t want to do that.

I have been on here since it was all green fields…….

Every year the same threads would pop up, where are you going on holidays and my answer was the same for years, Costa del overdraft reduction.

One particular poster used to openly pity me, but we kept our heads down and ploughed on, we now have a retirement income of £49K and deposits that produce £25K ( should we need it) that particular poster had her home repossessed and is still in a fuck ton of debt.

Point being, a lot, not all wealth and lifestyle is built on shifting sands.

All will be well.

If you do your best to avoid social media, how do you know there's "an endless stream of Instagram or Facebook posts of skiing, Dubai, Thailand, whatever"?

I'd try harder to avoid it if I were you because whilst I understand that you feel shit, you are at able to give your family a short holiday in Wales, whereas there'll be people reading this who have never managed to do that as they're struggling to get through a week without using a foodbank.

Oh and just to add, we have now been able to afford sun holidays for several years and yet our DS now 22, still recalls crabbing in West Cork as his best holiday experience EVAH. We were on the bones of our arse (2008) but he didn’t know that.

Dh has wanderlust and we’ve taken the dc to all sorts of places where they’ve been stressed, overwhelmed, too hot, too cold and yes, had some marvellous experiences.

I would love to be able to give my dc the holidays of my childhood. We spent a week every year in my grandparents farm house, helping my granda on his farm, baking bread, being chased by a crazy goose, falling in cow pats and making friends with the cat. The utter predictability of it was wonderful.

I understand how you feel. We are by no means poor but my friendship group is very wealthy and go on a lot of holidays which I do envy.
My DCs have been on quite a few abroad holidays due to the generosity of GPs, mainly to Spain.
We were talking last night and DD (9) was talking about our recent holiday to Alton Towers, stayed in a mobile home, took packed lunches and used Tesco vouchers. She and her older brothers loved it.
So, I suppose I'm saying it's not all about the money!