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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I found this dress totally unacceptable

286 replies

Whatwouldyado · 22/02/2023 21:07

Would you wear this out to a restaurant? Wearing nothing underneath but nipple covers and thong?

just to be clear…this is an open all day brunch/lunch then tapas burgers kinda place. family friendly, kids menu crayons ect. Not an evening or drinks venue.

I was completely taken a back as to why anyone would think it’s appropriate to wear that to a kid friendly restaurant

couldn’t find a link to the actual dress but it’s very similar to this Kylie Jenner one.

AIBU here?!

detail missing incase it’s outing!

I found this dress totally unacceptable
OP posts:
WickedStepmomNOT · 23/02/2023 01:10

Xol · 22/02/2023 22:43

Do we know that it was at lunchtime? It's not entirely clear from OP's message. She describes it as "open all day brunch/lunch then tapas burgers kinda place" which at least suggests it is serving into early evening and possibly later.

OP states not an evening or drinks venue. So daytime only.

Blueink · 23/02/2023 01:15

BeaverLeader · 23/02/2023 00:02

My ND 6yo would say something along the lines of

"I can see that lady's BUM!?! That's a bit rude and not very sensible isn't mummy?! Show her the pantasaurus song, mummy, can you send it to her so she knows?! Will she have a cold bum?! What's in your pants belongs only to you!" and then we'd likely get a rendition of the pantasaurus song.

Appreciate a DC might say something, because they can say something about anything (including about your pants, which they saw you put on before you left) or start singing any song that pops into their heads.

Consent has nothing to do with what type of pants someone is wearing or whether we can see them through their dress (or more often leggings) tho, does it?

It’s probably not that cold inside a restaurant.

Makilda · 23/02/2023 01:20

Busybutbored · 23/02/2023 00:56

We probably disagree on that point then, to me I'm not keen on children going to 'proper' restaurants in the first place, so to see OP complain about what someone is wearing (because of the children) is ridiculous to me.
In saying that, I do feel this dress would probably be ok in a McDonalds if that's where a couple were going on a date, she'd probably fit right in, it's not exactly what I'd call a 'classy' outfit 🤣

I find that viewpoint so strange. We ate in restaurants as kids the whole time. It nurtured a love of food, social skills and an understanding of how dining out worked. We do the same with our children.

How do children learn how to behave in restaurants, to wait for food, to choose dishes that pushes their boundaries a bit, to appreciate the whole experience of dining out, if they're not welcome there in the first place?

Wishing to cut kids out of such a valuable experience is bizarre to me.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 23/02/2023 01:31

I would assume they are either paid by the hour for sexual favours or promoting their porn career.

Busybutbored · 23/02/2023 01:32

Makilda · 23/02/2023 01:20

I find that viewpoint so strange. We ate in restaurants as kids the whole time. It nurtured a love of food, social skills and an understanding of how dining out worked. We do the same with our children.

How do children learn how to behave in restaurants, to wait for food, to choose dishes that pushes their boundaries a bit, to appreciate the whole experience of dining out, if they're not welcome there in the first place?

Wishing to cut kids out of such a valuable experience is bizarre to me.

I find the whole 'they need to go there to learn to behave' so weird. I never went to restaurants when I was a kid and now I love it (saved up to go to a fancy place in New York that cost $1k to give some idea of how much I love it now). I just feel at a really nice place it's not really appropriate as it changes the ambiance. All good though, I get that's very much not a popular opinion on MN where kids have to be everywhere. I do find though this post in particular quite entitled because people shouldn't have to change their behaviour for kids when going to a restaurant - even though I do find the dress a bit much! 🙂

BeaverLeader · 23/02/2023 01:47

Blueink · 23/02/2023 01:15

Appreciate a DC might say something, because they can say something about anything (including about your pants, which they saw you put on before you left) or start singing any song that pops into their heads.

Consent has nothing to do with what type of pants someone is wearing or whether we can see them through their dress (or more often leggings) tho, does it?

It’s probably not that cold inside a restaurant.

He's 6, and literal, and a bit young for the "cup of tea" video. The song is about how bottoms are private, which is age appropriate. In this instance, bottoms probably aren't appropriate in nandos 😂

mathanxiety · 23/02/2023 01:53

www.bonappetit.com/story/kids-in-restaurants-debate?utm_source=pocket-newtab

'If You Don't Want Kids in Restaurants, You Should Just Stay Home'

I came across this article recently and I agree with it.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/02/2023 02:25

Tacky and attention seeking.
BTW, @RealBecca , I’d be very surprised if you could see her vagina.
The word for the outer bits is vulva.

15feb · 23/02/2023 02:44

mathanxiety · 23/02/2023 01:53

www.bonappetit.com/story/kids-in-restaurants-debate?utm_source=pocket-newtab

'If You Don't Want Kids in Restaurants, You Should Just Stay Home'

I came across this article recently and I agree with it.

That article seems quite contradictory? It led with decrying a fine dining restaurant banning kids, but then later said parents shouldn't be bringing their kids fine dining out of consideration. And I find its whole inclusivity / communal premise weird since fine dining has always been about exclusivity

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 23/02/2023 02:57

I wouldn’t but I’m not a celebrity who needs to get by by making headlines and staying relevant.

Also lol at a bra being described as a ‘nipple cover’

Blueink · 23/02/2023 03:16

BeaverLeader · 23/02/2023 01:47

He's 6, and literal, and a bit young for the "cup of tea" video. The song is about how bottoms are private, which is age appropriate. In this instance, bottoms probably aren't appropriate in nandos 😂

Agree of course this is the age appropriate video, but it may be helpful to correct any misunderstandings that arise in straightforward terms.

The song says your pants cover up your private parts (she is wearing pants, they are just different pants to his). The message for them to be able to identify and report abuse, it’s not specifically about ‘bottoms’ (or they are ‘rude’).

If your DS made the comments you suggested he might, I would think he hasn’t really understood the key message of the song.

In the 90s it was very low rise jeans and thongs, they were worn in the day, so it’s not really a new phenomenon.

icefishing · 23/02/2023 03:26

It was the 90's when I wore my lace dress and underwear, very little is new in clothes.

OzziePopPop · 23/02/2023 03:41

OldTinHat · 22/02/2023 21:10

I would have done 30yrs ago. Not now though, the nipple covers would be scraping along the pavement behind me followed by my arse cheeks.

So, so, this sadly. I wish I still had that figure, I’d wear that dress and many others I’m sure would be unacceptable to some… again!

keeprunning55 · 23/02/2023 03:49

It doesn’t bother me at all.

RichPetunia · 23/02/2023 04:30

Totally inappropriate outfit for a brunch and anywhere else. Certainly not appropriate anywhere near kids. And apart from all that, it’s skanky.

Meandfour · 23/02/2023 04:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request

What, ever? I take it you never go swimming or on holiday then, given bikinis are essentially underwear.

Jemandthehologramsunite · 23/02/2023 04:40

Wish I looked like that - sigh! I wouldn't like it, but it's more that I'm jealous. I'd be more worried about my husband looking at her than my kids quite honestly. It does seem slightly overdressed (underdressed!) for brunch (maybe she had been out all night and hadn't been home yet), but I don't see what it has to do with children seeing. In fact, that's really weird if you feel like that, have you never been to the beach or have yiur kids never seen television or the internet??

Butterlover1 · 23/02/2023 04:47

Hyacinth is that you?

Can't believe you're talking about it being unacceptable?

In what world is it your place to approve of another person's clothes?

TheLadyofShalott1 · 23/02/2023 04:54

Well, I would have never worn it, but as long as her bits are covered up, I believe it should be her choice. I also don't think it is going to cause any mental or physical harm to young children - they are accepting of most things, unless they have someone elses negative opinions drummed into them.

However, in making a decision to wear something like that outside of their own home, especially in daylight hours, I hope that any adult will have realised, and accepted without letting it upset them, that some older children ‐ and unfortunately some adults too - will inevitably laugh out loud at them, they may even point fingers, and/or shout at them - which would of course be very rude and nasty of anyone who did so.

Unfortunately, for their own sakes, I do hope that any adult who does dress against the norm in the society they live in, will be strong enough to shrug off any ignoramuses atrocious behaviour. But sadly, if they are not the sort of person who can say to themselves "Fuck them, they are the unacceptable ones here, and I won't let them either upset me, or dictate to me, about what I can wear", then they would probably be better off just sticking to the norm in their society...

I will say though, that I saw a couple of photos today of so called "funeral dresses"- I don't know if the 'shop' was in the UK, but I think the advert or article was in the Daily Fail on-line - anyway a company seemed to be marketing black dresses with a long opening at the front, which if I am remembering correctly, went nearly all the way to the crotch, with something like loose corsetry laced across the front. I would be judgemental if I saw anyone wearing that to a funeral, as it looked totally inappropriate, and even insulting to the grieving family of the deceased person - unless it was the deseased person's partner, and she knew that he would have loved it!

JunkinDonuts · 23/02/2023 05:13

She's a bit late to the party, Cher did it donkeys years ago.

If I wore that outfit, I'd look like 5kg of spuds trying to escape from a string bag.

MissTrip82 · 23/02/2023 05:51

Silvergone · 22/02/2023 22:47

Ugh, more fetishisation of women.

I keep seeing teenage girls with make up that makes them look like blow up sex dolls, huge inflated lips ans stuck on eyelashes etc, it’s all so dehumanising and porn inspired.

Jesus Christ the misogyny.

No teenage girl, no CHILD, looks like a ‘blow-up sex doll’.

Disgusting.

gettingalifttothestation · 23/02/2023 06:36

I don't care what anyone else wears tbh

Butterflyhelp · 23/02/2023 07:10

I don't think think objecting to this is misogyny. There's been a lot more support for this than there would be for a man going to lunch in a fishnet bodystocking!

GeorgiaGirl52 · 23/02/2023 07:31

Puffalicious · 22/02/2023 21:13

Seriously? Policing women? I'm all for women doing what they want BUT nipple covers and thong during the day in a restaurant with children and families? Totally inappropriate. Why sexualise everything all the time? And I'd say exactly the same if it was a man/ non-binary person. I don't want to see your arse/ chest over my lasagne and sticky toffee pudding.

Do what the hell you like in a bar/ club/ night-time.

I'm not cool enough to think it's okay.

Totally agree. It is not "policing" it is decency and humanity.
I have a great idea! .

Maybe we should all just go nude all the time. Think how that would improve the environment - no clothes dumped in landfills and all the cotton growing land could be used for food crops. Show me a picture of a man walking down the red carpet in a thong - and chosen as "best dressed"!!

BeaverLeader · 23/02/2023 08:05

Blueink · 23/02/2023 03:16

Agree of course this is the age appropriate video, but it may be helpful to correct any misunderstandings that arise in straightforward terms.

The song says your pants cover up your private parts (she is wearing pants, they are just different pants to his). The message for them to be able to identify and report abuse, it’s not specifically about ‘bottoms’ (or they are ‘rude’).

If your DS made the comments you suggested he might, I would think he hasn’t really understood the key message of the song.

In the 90s it was very low rise jeans and thongs, they were worn in the day, so it’s not really a new phenomenon.

I'm completely happy with what and how we're teaching him about consent and appropriate behaviour. And with his level of understanding about bottoms and bums and where they should be shown ☺️

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