Page 11 | To think husband is awfully petty

Anyonebut · 22/02/2023 21:15

Are you both from the same culture? I remember the first time I was at my MIL’s house for her birthday. She received a box of chocolates and put it to one side, it blew my mind that it wasn’t opened and shared round right then, as that is what would happen in my culture, but I quickly realised it is absolute normal in the UK to keep edibles for later as with any other present.

Shoxfordian · 22/02/2023 21:20

Yabu op but I expect you know that by now

Original poster

teomama · 22/02/2023 21:25

No, we are not. I've grown up in Greece where no such boundaries would exist between family members. I've been fortunate to receive some really nice gifts from corporate clients I work with around Christmas/Easter, and have always left them in the kitchen with the presumption any food in the family's home is for everyone, even it's a gift. I've never had the understanding it's extremely important who opens a box of chocolate, and I would never open my husband's mail, packages etc. I guess you learn every day.

OP posts:

Rachie1973 · 22/02/2023 21:26

teomama · 22/02/2023 18:17

Can’t believe I’m actually writing this, but my husband got upset because I opened a box of chocolates that his sister gave him for his birthday and ate a few of them. I laughed it out at first, but he insisted it was rude to open his present. I think that’s incredibly petty and actually feel offended to be told off like a child. AIBU?

You behaved like a child

Nanny0gg · 22/02/2023 21:26

teomama · 22/02/2023 18:26

I wouldn’t even mention it if it was the other way around.

It's not about you.

Nanny0gg · 22/02/2023 21:27

teomama · 22/02/2023 18:31

I did apologise. I organised his birthday, made a booking, ordered a cake and bought him something he’d wanted for a long time. To be told off over a few candies really seemed petty to me after a good day.

What if he'd been really looking forward to them?

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/02/2023 21:28

jays · 22/02/2023 21:10

How do you know she’d be annoyed? Because you would? So OP must feel the same way you do? Wouldn’t bother me if dh opened my wine or used my face cream. We’re all different.

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We are all different and personally I wouldn't care or even notice about the wine, and would barely care about the chocolates. But the OP must know what her DH feels about this sort of thing.

Beaucielblues · 22/02/2023 21:32

Whatever happened to"share and share alike"? It's a few chocolates for goodness sake!

Original poster

teomama · 22/02/2023 21:32

We’ve never had such situation in our marriage, so I didn’t expect his reaction.

OP posts:

Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 21:33

No. No share and share alike if it’s my gift it’s definitely not communal. No sharing

cassiatwenty · 22/02/2023 21:34

Well, this was about his own boundaries.

If you did a lot of work beforehand, and then he snapped at you, he could have explained politely that he doesn't like it and without hurting your feelings so much.

To be fair, you got flamed a bit too much.

If you were truly rude, you wouldn't have asked if you were reasonable or not.

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 22/02/2023 21:41

teomama · 22/02/2023 18:22

We normally help ourselves to whatever is in the kitchen without asking specifically

But it was a present!

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 22/02/2023 21:43

teomama · 22/02/2023 19:08

Thanks everyone! I do hope you’re more forgiving towards your own partners than you are here!

You DID ask!

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 22/02/2023 21:45

jays · 22/02/2023 19:37

Oh fuck sake, she shouldn’t have eaten the chocolates. I think she gets the message! Do we really need 500 posts saying the same thing! Ffs! The outage! What do you want her to do? Move out? It’s chocolates, she didn’t sleep with the guy’s brother, calm down!

🤣

SS1983 · 22/02/2023 21:48

VintageThoughts · 22/02/2023 18:49

What??

If he got some cash in a card would you help yourself to that too?

Yabvu. And extremely rude.

I would, and my husband would help himself to
mine too. Actually my parents often give us cash in cards and we just share it - often like a kitty.

this thread is ridiculous op, you didn’t do anything wrong. We share too, it’s no big deal

Beaucielblues · 22/02/2023 21:52

@VintageThoughts hear bloody hear! Voice of reason amidst the madness!

SoupDragon · 22/02/2023 21:58

SS1983 · 22/02/2023 21:48

I would, and my husband would help himself to
mine too. Actually my parents often give us cash in cards and we just share it - often like a kitty.

this thread is ridiculous op, you didn’t do anything wrong. We share too, it’s no big deal

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Sharing is when the person whose gift it is offers them to someone.
Someone helping themselves to a person's gift without asking or being asked is downright rude

SS1983 · 22/02/2023 22:01

SoupDragon · 22/02/2023 21:58

Sharing is when the person whose gift it is offers them to someone.
Someone helping themselves to a person's gift without asking or being asked is downright rude

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@SoupDragon fair enough , I do get it and everyone is different. I guess we are just very easy going here and do share cash / chocolates / cakes, anyone can open. Cards , mail etc of course I wouldn’t

I just asked my husband if he’d be upset and he told me not to be ridiculous.. and it’s just chocolates.

Not sure the backlash op is getting is deserved here though

Indáirire · 22/02/2023 22:05

It's thoughtless and rude. It was his present.

Zone2NorthLondon · 22/02/2023 22:05

I’m an autonomous adult I don’t want to share my gifts. I don’t want my partner opening my Mail, taking my monies, scoffing my gifts

WagnersFourthSymphony · 22/02/2023 22:09

In our household we share everything BUT would still respect a gift, however trivial. We wouldn't even ask if it was time to open the box of chocolates.
It's a cultural thing though - there are other cultures where everything is shared without needing needing to ask and the chocolates would be treated as communal property as soon as they entered the household. Perhaps OP is from one of those cultures, which would explain her bafflement at our curious English shibboleth.

Mothership4two · 22/02/2023 22:12

We tend to share too - well DH and me not our boys but everyone generally asks first before taking especially if the box is fairly full. I have just realised this as haven’t thought about it before. No-one would actually start a box unasked and I think I would be a bit upset too if someone opened my gift.

OP did the wrong thing, blames her husband, has come on here for opinions, disagrees with most and hasn't changed her mind

bellylaughsalldaylong · 22/02/2023 22:16

teomama · 22/02/2023 21:25

No, we are not. I've grown up in Greece where no such boundaries would exist between family members. I've been fortunate to receive some really nice gifts from corporate clients I work with around Christmas/Easter, and have always left them in the kitchen with the presumption any food in the family's home is for everyone, even it's a gift. I've never had the understanding it's extremely important who opens a box of chocolate, and I would never open my husband's mail, packages etc. I guess you learn every day.

My husband and I are not precious about boxes of chocolates. You’ve had a hard time on here OP but my husband has opened chocolates that he gave me 😂😂 I can’t see myself being pissed off. @teomama

Apollonia1 · 22/02/2023 22:18

I think you were thoughtless and greedy.

You didn't ask to open the present which he got from his sister (different to chocolates you get from clients). Maybe he wanted to keep them for later.
You took the first few chocolates - maybe they were the specific flavors he wanted.

All in all, it wasn't your present (be it chocolate, money, cakes, etc), and you shouldn't have opened it, since it wasn't yours.

Undermyumberellaellaella · 22/02/2023 22:20

I wouldn't use/ have anyone else's stuff without asking them, even if it was just a few chocolates out of a tin.

But on the other hand, I wouldn't get shitty if someone had taken a few chocolates of mine.