Son won’t visit on Mothers Day

[Thegardenmum]

Son lives with wife 2 hours away. Son is 30, she is 33.

His wifes mum died 3 years ago.

I sent a message to them both reminding them it is mothers day soon and could they come for a family meal on mothers day with my other 3 x adult DC.

Son messaged me privately and said he doesn’t want to make a big thing of mothers day as his wife may find the day upsetting. He doesn’t want to leave her home alone either. He will ring on the day, but not come down for celebration.

AIBU to be annoyed? Obviously sad that his wifes mum has died but why is he now not seeing his own mum?

Moonicorn you have no idea what's the most likely scenario because you don't know the people involved, you don't know what's going on their private lives right now and you don't know what their relationship with OP is like.

You've decided you want to have a go at the DIL so you're just making things up to support your view, i.e. she's controlling, she's manipulative, she's banning him from seeing his mother. Completely ridiculous and indeed misogynistic.

That’s not the first time you’ve mentioned Judge Judy, Moonicorn… do you normally feel your way through life based on the sound bites of American media personalities?

"Son messaged me privately" as it occured to the garden mum he hasn't even told his wife about the invite and just doesn't want to come himself. Sounds very machiavellian all around. Still can't believe the post is real /honest

So if he wanted to use it as an excuse, there’s zero ‘emotional blackmail’ going on.

Honestly, just calm down.

It might actually be that the man has a thought of his own, radical as the idea that his partner isn’t a manipulative shrew is.

In the eyes of mils anything bad their son does or rather doesn’t do or bother with, with regards to his family is always the dils fault.

Like if my dh wants to visit his mother how exactly would I stop him? Chain him to the radiator or something. His an adult man who’s text his mother saying his not coming. There’s not mass texts from the dil calling the mil an insensitive bitch or anything just a son saying sorry mum I’m staying home but I’ll call you on the day and I’m sending flowers/gift.

I still remember the shocked face when mil asked me if I’d sent sils boyfriend a birthday present, I told her she would have to ask her son as I’d no idea it was even his birthday. She actually tutted too.

You don't summon a grown ass adult,and his wife, do you can stroke your ego. Love is given not demanded

I know it's impossible but it would be great if the OP came back to say she'd had a lovely time with three of her sons and quite understood the fourth not coming and loved the flowers sent. But then I don't know when the day is.

Mother's Day is next Sunday - 19th March.

Isn't next Sunday 12th March?

That's this Sunday

@Topseyt123 had a revelation this morning that it was Sunday today - don't know what day I thought I was on yesterday but I honestly thought we'd passed today

So yes, you're right, next Sunday is 12th March and the following Sunday is Mother's Day.

how are things going OP?

This thread is nearly 3 years old…

I'd never expect my children to travel two hours to see me on Mothering Sunday. If they choose to, then lovely. I usually get a nice card and I'm very happy with that.
It feels most odd to arrange your own event and expect people to attend. Plus your son has good reason not to join as he's - rightly - looking out for his wife.