It’s my dog, not our dog

[Bieder]

My wife and I live in separate houses - I live in the countryside and she lives in the city. A couple of years into our marriage I decided to buy a puppy because I always wanted a dog and I have the space and the time now. I brought the dog up, trained him etc. and he’s with me all of the time apart from the odd week when I go on a business trip (2-3 times a year), and then my wife looks after him at her place. My wife loves the dog and indulges him which can sometimes lead to a bit of conflict as I feel she undermines his training. But I’m petty happy to trust her with him and glad they get on so well. So this isn’t the issue.
The issue we had an argument about recently is that she stated he was “our” dog, and I corrected her, insisting he was mine. She got quite upset about that and said because we’re married we share everything, and hence the dog is our dog. I love my dog very much and invested so much time in bringing him up well and looking after him. He has a great, happy life with me in the countryside. I regard him as my dog and I don’t like it that she simply assumes there is this joint responsibility and custodianship. I find it hard to see the issue from her point of view. AIBU?

Yes he’s your dog but I don’t know why you needed to be so pedantic about it.

YABU. You’re married. He’s both of yours.

I'm not sure it really matters! However if you are relying on her for doggy day care every time you go away it might pay to be nice.

This is so weird. Do you even like your wife?

Can’t imagine not wanting to share something so special with the person you’re married to.

I adopted and paid for all our pets but they belong to our family. Even toddler DC is their owner.

If you lived together and bought a sofa would it be YOUR sofa??

’She got quite upset about that and said because we’re married we share everything’

Apart from a house apparently…

Your married, why are you arguing about who's dog it is?

I think there is bigger issues here than her calling it "our dog". Why don't you want to share such an important aspect of your life, with your wife?

Even though I bought him, pay his food, vet bills, insurance and spend 95% off my time with him?

You’re being ridiculous. I refer to the Nissan as “our car” even though I’ve only driven it once. I refer to visiting “our relatives” when I see people from DH’s family. “Our shed” even though he paid for it and I almost never use it. When you live a shared life (i.e. by getting married) then some things become “ours”, even if only by phrase. What difference does it even make to you?

I bought my dh his dream ddog over 9 years ago. Jointly trained.. Jointly loved.. But I also told dh if we ever split he isn't taking her! He agreed.
We have other ddogs that are referred to as mine! Mostly because they are naughty buggars and nobody else really loves them!!

You share everything except a home, furniture, your lives...?

I can’t imagine why your wife is content not to live with you

You live in separate houses, lead separate lives, but dog belongs to both of you? Odd.

Wife, if you’re reading, keep your house separate.

You are married. Everything is ",ours"

And furniture and finances. 😆

Yes, there may be a bigger issue which is kind of why I’m posting this here - I’d like to get some outside-in points of view of something i seem to be blind to. But it’s not that I don’t want my wife involved - we all enjoy time together and I love how well she gets on with him and that he has two loving humans in his life. I just don’t like that she assumes ownership when I’m the one who puts all the effort in and I love him to bits and am very dedicated to his training and wellbeing.

I can see why she lives separately. You sound like a child, honestly.

I simply have no idea what you are on about op

Your set up bizarre. I want the dog to post I bet he has some thoughts on this

Why don't you live with your wife? How often do you actually spend time with her?

"Joint responsibility" for things is basically what my marriage is about - so it's hard to understand your perspective when yours is clearly very different.

In our house (because we live together), she’s my dog when she’s being gorgeous, our dog most of the time and his dog when she opens the fridge and eats the whole contents or turns the hob on 😂

You sound more keen on the dog than your wife.

If it was a motorbike, for example, I could agree with you. Although legally I understand he’s treated differently, but I would only ever see him as a family member, not as a possession that is ‘owned’. So he is both your dog, because you are all family. If you split up, only then should the issue of ‘ownership’ arise.

You obviously see him differently, as a possession. Poor dog.

YANBU. He's your dog.

😂Love that