Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s my dog, not our dog

290 replies

Bieder · 22/02/2023 15:18

My wife and I live in separate houses - I live in the countryside and she lives in the city. A couple of years into our marriage I decided to buy a puppy because I always wanted a dog and I have the space and the time now. I brought the dog up, trained him etc. and he’s with me all of the time apart from the odd week when I go on a business trip (2-3 times a year), and then my wife looks after him at her place. My wife loves the dog and indulges him which can sometimes lead to a bit of conflict as I feel she undermines his training. But I’m petty happy to trust her with him and glad they get on so well. So this isn’t the issue.
The issue we had an argument about recently is that she stated he was “our” dog, and I corrected her, insisting he was mine. She got quite upset about that and said because we’re married we share everything, and hence the dog is our dog. I love my dog very much and invested so much time in bringing him up well and looking after him. He has a great, happy life with me in the countryside. I regard him as my dog and I don’t like it that she simply assumes there is this joint responsibility and custodianship. I find it hard to see the issue from her point of view. AIBU?

OP posts:
katmarie · 22/02/2023 15:32

You are married. Everything each of you owns is owned jointly. Including the dog.

namechange3394 · 22/02/2023 15:32

"I just don’t like that she assumes ownership when I’m the one who puts all the effort in"

Would you balk at the working parent of a DC with a SAHP describing their DC as "our child"?

simonthedog · 22/02/2023 15:32

Why are you married?

Courtorder · 22/02/2023 15:32

simonthedog · 22/02/2023 15:32

Why are you married?

If the dog is called Simon then this is the best comment ever

Isahlo · 22/02/2023 15:33

namechange3394 · 22/02/2023 15:32

"I just don’t like that she assumes ownership when I’m the one who puts all the effort in"

Would you balk at the working parent of a DC with a SAHP describing their DC as "our child"?

This

SeriouslyLTB · 22/02/2023 15:34

Yes, it's yours, but pretty dickish to correct your wife on her use of 'our'.

Do you pay her - not for doggo's food etc - but do you pay her to have him when you're away?

BreviloquentBastard · 22/02/2023 15:36

Christ I can't imagine being married to someone this petty, any fucking wonder she lives in a different house, think I'd want to live in a different country.

Original poster
Bieder · 22/02/2023 15:37

But I guess you wouldn’t take umbrage at dh calling them “our dogs”; it probably wouldn’t bother you much?
Most of the other respondents here don’t seem to be able to get past the fact that my wife and I don’t live together, so it’s a bit difficult to take their comments on board - they seem a bit judgemental.

OP posts:
uhOhOP · 22/02/2023 15:37

Courtorder · 22/02/2023 15:32

If the dog is called Simon then this is the best comment ever

Show quote history

OP, is your dog called Simon?

Haffdonga · 22/02/2023 15:37

If it's not her dog but she is responsible for its care when you go on your business trips then of course you pay her to look after it, dont you? Going rate is about £150 a week round here, plus extras.

XelaM · 22/02/2023 15:37

Why don't you live in the same place?

Grizzledstrawberry · 22/02/2023 15:38

Its a dog, not a child ffs, how weird that its even a issue.

I would say its your dog, in the event of a break up the dog would obviously stay with you, but if that's not on the cards does it really matter if she says our dog, Why is it such a problem? That's what you need to be asking yourself.

UdoU · 22/02/2023 15:38

YANBU. Ask her to pay half the vet and food bills.

Original poster
Bieder · 22/02/2023 15:39

I don’t pay her to look after him, no. She enjoys it, and hasn’t asked for payment. If she had a dog, I would certainly be very happy to look after him for her too. It would be quite weird to ask for payment, don’t you think?

OP posts:
2crossedout1 · 22/02/2023 15:40

YANBU but a bit petty. Does it really matter?

AvoNw · 22/02/2023 15:40

Technically he’s your dog but I can’t imagine a situation where I’d ever pull my partner up on saying ‘our’. Especially because in a way it does have two owners.

You’re coming across really petty honestly OP.

Original poster
Bieder · 22/02/2023 15:41

Now I wish he was 😂

OP posts:
TheFretfulPorpentine · 22/02/2023 15:42

Why does it matter whose dog it is, unless you split up and your wife wants to keep the dog?

GoodChat · 22/02/2023 15:42

Bieder · 22/02/2023 15:39

I don’t pay her to look after him, no. She enjoys it, and hasn’t asked for payment. If she had a dog, I would certainly be very happy to look after him for her too. It would be quite weird to ask for payment, don’t you think?

There are a lot of weird things in this thread and that's not one of them.

Firsttimemum120 · 22/02/2023 15:43

I think your just being a little silly. She knows it’s your dog she knows who it spends most of its time with and she is happy but she also sees the dog as part of her life and takes care of him too whether that’s not as good as you or not. My partner and I live separately he still calls this place his and mine my own and I call his home even though I don’t contribute to the bills apart from food and he still doesn’t bite my head off.

DumpedByText · 22/02/2023 15:44

If this is all you've got to worry about you're doing OK! Get a grip and stop being so pedantic 🙄

uhOhOP · 22/02/2023 15:44

Bieder · 22/02/2023 15:37

But I guess you wouldn’t take umbrage at dh calling them “our dogs”; it probably wouldn’t bother you much?
Most of the other respondents here don’t seem to be able to get past the fact that my wife and I don’t live together, so it’s a bit difficult to take their comments on board - they seem a bit judgemental.

OP, I think you're right – people cannot get past the fact that you and your wife live separately (and seem to be assuming that it was her decision rather than a joint decision). You might just as well abandon this thread because it's probably only going to be about your living arrangement and the perceived pettiness of your question.

Pinkypurplecloud · 22/02/2023 15:49

My marriage vows included “all that I have I share with you” - so in theory I regard everything as “jointly” owned. Obviously in reality we each have certain personal items, I’m not laying claim to his toothbrush, but I’d regard something as big, expensive and time consuming as a dog as jointly owned. I can’t imagine being so possessive over something with my spouse, but then I can’t imagine living in entirely separate places either. I don’t understand why this bothers you - do you feel resentful she doesn’t do enough for the dog or something?

Original poster
Bieder · 22/02/2023 15:49

Thank you for the perspective. Yes, clearly the consensus on this thread is that it is overly pedantic of me. And that’s kind of what I was looking for - a bit of balance. Now I need to figure out why her calling him “our” dog made me feel so anxious. And I should have a chat with her about it, because I didn’t mean to upset her.

OP posts:
uhOhOP · 22/02/2023 15:49

DumpedByText · 22/02/2023 15:44

If this is all you've got to worry about you're doing OK! Get a grip and stop being so pedantic 🙄

That old chestnut. Where is the list of permitted worries, the worries that don't elicit this response?

Swipe left for the next trending thread