Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

"Simply pointing out why you haven't finished your meal is not performative."

I know and I'm not a performative undereater or any kind of undereater.
On the other hand, with all due respect to you, I don't agree with fomer sufferers of eating disorders deciding how other people should eat or talk about food, for example by arguing that intermittent fasting shouldn't be discussed in the media.

I know and I'm not a performative undereater or any kind of undereater.

Well you sound like performative something since you just spent page arguing with people about performative undereating, went into obesity epidemic and for some reason seem to have taken it personally.
And now it's intermittent fasting and media?

What does all that have to do with "omg nooo, wow, omg i can't, no way did you, oh wow, just too much haha"?

Now even i am confused

At the moment, I'm trying really hard to lose the extra timber I packed on during a year and a half of lockdowns. I work three days a week and on those days I do not have breakfast and don't take lunch to work. I was recently called out by someone in the staff room for an eating disorder! Really ridiculous of her, for two reasons. One- it's not exactly the right thing to confront someone about a suspected ED in the middle of a staff room where twenty people are having lunch. Two- I'm a size 16 and currently in no danger of wasting away. Shrinking, but slowly. She said she had noticed me making a show of not eating! I never even mention food or dieting because I can't bear being asked how a diet is going or how much weight I've lost. I am sure I never mention food and it seems like she's watching me scroll through Facebook rather than work through a pack of sandwiches and some biscuits!

I know and I'm not a performative undereater

Sorry, but if you make a point of complaining to the waiter in restaurants because you want to express your displeasure at how generous the portions are, you absolutely are. It sets a negative tone on the whole thing right from the start and it doesn't achieve anything except letting everyone know how much of it you think they shouldn't be enjoying.

Stop doing this, it ruins the meal for everyone else and it's not going to do zip diddly squat to combat the rise in obesity.

@Gwenhwyfar, why do you feel the need to tell waiters in restaurants that their portion sizes are too large? They really don’t care. What you can do as l, and many people do, is ask for a small portion. There is no need to make a song and dance about it. Just ask for a small portion, eat and enjoy what you can with no comments about the size of your portion or anyone else’s. If friends are kind enough to invite you to their house for a meal, you could let them know beforehand that you have a small appetite and eat what you can. If there is too much for you, you leave what you do not want, again without comment except for how much you enjoyed the delicious meal. There is no need to reinforce your small appetite by making sure your friends know for next time - they will be able to see for themselves by the amount left on your plate. It really is that simple.

She has exactly the same breakfast and lunch every single day. Has done for years. Gets very distressed if one element is not available, cannot substitute or have something else without a lot of drama. I would say that kind of fixed thinking is unusual. But then reading the rest of your contribution to the thread it’s clear you’re not getting the point about people with food anxieties externalising them excessively to the point of discomfort of others.

"Gets very distressed if one element is not available, cannot substitute or have something else without a lot of drama"

Ok, well, you didn't say that.

"the point about people with food anxieties externalising them excessively to the point of discomfort of others"

Sounds like she's suffering more than you in this case!

"What you can do as l, and many people do, is ask for a small portion."

I don't particularly want a small portion, just a normal one. Also, until I see the food I can't know if the portion is too big for me. As for waiters not caring, you could make that argument about any comment on the food couldn't you? It depends on the quality of the waiter and the restaurant. Good restaurants do want their customers to be happy.

"If friends are kind enough to invite you to their house for a meal, you could let them know beforehand that you have a small appetite and eat what you can."

I don't have a small appetite. I have a normal appetite, but many people, including some but not all of my friends, have a distorted view of what a normal portion is. Obviously, now I know that with some people I have to say that their usual portions are too much for me, but many people simply don't respect that and serve me too much anyway.

I disagree very strongly with a remark made by many posters that nobody should EVER comment on the big portions and I've explained why.
I don't see how that is 'performative'.

"it doesn't achieve anything except letting everyone know how much of it you think they shouldn't be enjoying."

I think this is the crux of it. Are you insecure about how much you eat yourself?
Because if someone has a smaller apetite than me, it doesn't affect me in the slightest.

As for waiters not caring, you could make that argument about any comment on the food couldn't you? It depends on the quality of the waiter and the restaurant. Good restaurants do want their customers to be happy.

They really don't care. The better ones just pretend better. It's not like they are setting portions. They may note comment somewhere and will forget about it in 10 seconds. I was a bloody good waitress and this would get nod, thinking face, friendly agreement, and that would be it.

I love the attempt at deflection (actually I don't, it's piss poor, try harder), but that's all it is.

Why isn't it enough for you simply to eat what you want and take the rest home? Why must you strike a negative note on the whole meal by expressing your displeasure to the waiter, in front of everyone, because they were too generous? What is the purpose of expressing this displeasure?

I wouldn't say I'm a competitive underwater. I just don't like to eat big portions. I eat lots of smaller portions throughout the day, so probably average the same calories. Trouble with something like fish and chips is it doesn't keep well for later. Indian food or pizza you can eat half and save the rest.

I hate it when someone says to a restaurant the portions are too big. I want value for money. I eat small portions now and always take a doggy bag and am buying a folding bowl to put my dinner in.

No one wants to hear it anyway, its boring if you think the portion is too big, your view is not the only view.

When you say you have a normal appetite - that is your subjective opinion. It's normal for you and to you. Other people's normal might be different - being based on many things - age, sex, activity level etc. That doesn't make it wrong or abnormal. Just different.

I got fed to the other side of fuck off with a family member relentlessly commenting on, and judging, carping and criticising not just the amount I eat, but how fast I eat it. Newsflash - a fifty year old woman who is doing all the housework, gardening, and walking 10km a day is going to have a different normal to a mid 80 year old woman who thinks she is literally at deaths' door. . .

Telling the waiter it was lovely but you couldn't finish it and would like to take some home is a simple statement of fact that it was too much for you and solving the problem of waste. I'd barely notice that. It's no issue.

Complaining to the waiter in front of everyone that the portions are objectively too big because you want to express your displeasure is a miserable act designed to spoil people's enjoyment by implying they should not eat it all.

Only a performative undereater wouldn't know the difference. It's as plain as the cherry in a Bakewell tart. A whole one!

*Telling the waiter it was lovely but you couldn't finish it and would like to take some home is a simple statement of fact that it was too much for you and solving the problem of waste. I'd barely notice that. It's no issue.

Complaining to the waiter in front of everyone that the portions are objectively too big because you want to express your displeasure is a miserable act designed to spoil people's enjoyment by implying they should not eat it all.

Only a performative undereater wouldn't know the difference. It's as plain as the cherry in a Bakewell tart. A whole one!*

This, with added cream and sprinkles!

If people genuinely can't tell the difference between:

(At the end of the meal, to the wait staff): 'That was a bit more than I can manage, could I have that packed up to take home please?'

And:

(At the first sight of the plate, to the table in general): 'Oh my gosh I won't manage all this, oh no, it's terrible, this is a disgusting amount of food, how can anyone eat all this. Oh are you going to eat all that? Really?! Well I couldn't, I'd be sick, I wouldn't be able to eat for days after that much!'

Then I really dunno what to say to you... except I hope I never have to sit next to you at a table!

Oh I can definitely tell the difference. My dentist would tell you that the damage to my teeth from recent grinding is clear evidence of this. (And yes, I've wormed).

I don't particularly want a small portion, just a normal one

Oh I see, so you'd like portion sizes everywhere to be adjusted to what you consider 'normal'? Your "normal" = the correct amount for everyone?

As has been said multiple times I think everyone accepts people have different appetites (or preferences about eating in public)

A food venue often (but not always) will only have 1 portion size ...often very expensive restaurants have smaller portions than cheaper/medium priced restaurants. A person with a small appetite or someone that doesn't wish to consume a whole meal in public has the option to leave any or most of the meal. if however, you have a large appetite, you can't exactly ask for seconds!

Superiority.

I've not had fish and chips for months, but tonight I went out and brought back jumbo haddock and chips for each member of the family. There's a few chips left, keeping warm in the oven, for when I fancy a post-drink nibble before bed. Mmmm.

It was this thread that made me want fish and chips, I meant to say.

@SlimPig just wanted to thank you for this thread. I can completely relate.

Also the best title to a thread in a very long time