Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

My summary of this thread is that soooo many women have a really fucked relationship with food

Some people must be misunderstanding the thread on purpose to be thrawn - surely? Surely no one could find it that hard to grasp that the thread is not about the amount people eat, but the huge, noisy opera they make about not eating. If you have never encountered such a person - lucky you. That does not mean they do not exist - and are not deeply annoying.

Yes.

Ain't that the truth.

Once, when discussing a CUE relative with another CUE relative, I mentioned that I thought the first one had an eating disorder. She snorted and said, "All women have eating disorders."

I can remember being called 'a greedy pig' many years ago when I was 17 and at college. I'd got myself a hamburger and chips for my lunch in the college canteen. It was just an average sized hamburger (think single cheeseburger from McDonalds) and about 2 dozen chips. I was mortified, especially as this was from someone I'd regarded as a friend. Gave me a right hang up about eating a decent lunch in company. It was only later that I discovered this girl had suffered from anorexia for years,which probably explains her attitude to the amount that other people ate.

You yourself just said it’s antisocial to not order food

No, I said it's antisocial to arrange to meet someone regularly for a meal and then not order food.

Jeez, the level of wilful misunderstanding. Since some smartarse also had to point out that doing this isn't, strictly speaking, giving a commentary on consumption, let me rephrase. Any sort of pass agg behaviour (or full on agg if you're like some members of my family) that is designed to turn the occasion into an acknowledgement of how little you eat compared to everyone else around you is performative undereating. It's designed to make everyone miserable and the sad thing is, it often succeeds.

Brunch and lunch are meals. If you invite someone to brunch or lunch, it's an expectation that you eat.

But if you say “I don’t usually eat lunch/had a big breakfast/don’t have the appetite for it, how about coffee?” that is also being called out here as the problem. That’s drawing attention to it, competitive, performative, going on about it, etc.

Normal conversation:

Woman 1: Hi, do you want to meet up and get some brunch on Saturday?
Woman 2: I don't usually eat in the day, how about we just grab a coffee?
Woman 1: Yes, great, see you there.

Not normal:

Woman 1: Hi, do you want to meet up and get some brunch on Saturday?
Woman 2: Yes, great, see you there.

Woman 1: Arrives at cafe and peruses menu, having not had much or anything that morning.
Woman 2: Sits down, orders a coffee.
Woman 1: What do you think you'll have, fancy anything in particular? imaging waffles and bacon or eggs on avo toast etc
Woman 2: Oh no, I couldn't possibly eat anything. Their portions are so big here. I had a big lunch yesterday and I'm still stuffed.
Woman 1: oh, ok orders plain buttered toast
Woman 2: Did you have breakfast this morning? I really couldn't eat a thing if I'd had breakfast already.
Woman 1:
Woman 2: Wow who'd have thought they serve 2 slices of toast as a portion, thats excessive, isn't it. I can only barely finish one slice in a sitting, never mind 2.
Woman 1:
Woman 2: ooh, you polished that off quick, that would have taken me ALL afternoon to eat tinkly laugh
Woman 1:
Woman 2: AND dripping in ALL that butter! They would make me feel queasy all day! No dinner for me, if I ate that.

I’m not misunderstanding the thread, I’m calling out the hypocrisy. There is no acceptable way you can go about having a small appetite, every response is scoffed at as more rude theatre to make others feel bad.

See the difference?

Thrawn! I love learning new words. Just googled it 👍

People are either being perverse or a bit thick. I would not like to comment on which applies to them.

Aaahhh, I know exactly what you mean!
I‘ve noticed it a bit in the Cormoran Strike series - I love those books and I really like the main female character Robin, but she often seems to go for the healthy option (salad, that she‘d then forget to eat pondering over some witness statement or similar), while her male detective partner Strike gulps down burger, chips + beer.

I don't really mind that in Strike as his personality is to be quite self-sabotaging/indulgent isn't it - a bit too much of everything. Whereas she's more nervy and anxious. So that sort of fits in with the character at least. But I hope she gets to eat some pasties as the series goes on.

I agree that it suits her personality. I do hope she’ll be able to relax a bit more as she gains confidence in her role as detective (and gets to enjoy the occasional pasty).

It's part of his character as a naturally big man who used to be literally fighting fit but is now going to seed a bit and not taking care of himself as he used to. People who lose a big part of who they are do often turn to food. It also highlights his loneliness a bit, as he obviously is too concerned with work to cook properly since he isn't feeding anyone else.

Exactly @SlimPig !

I’m with you, OP. The whole “Surely you’re not going to eat all that?! l just couldn’t; it’s just soooo much food, I’d be full for hours; I’d explode if I tried to eat even half of that” routine is so bloody tedious.

A fancy doughnut place opened up opposite my office a while ago. Someone in our team suggested trying it as they were doing special opening day offers. We all went along, happily picking which ones we wanted for the dozen bundle… yet when we got back into the office, the whole “Oh goodness, I’m not sure I could possibly manage something so fatty and sugary” routine kicked in. “They look lovely, but they’re huuuuge… I might be able to manage half”. “I’m not sure I can even manage half; I didn’t realise they’d be so big”. “Oh, well I’m going to try this one; if you fancy we could eat half of it between us?”

These doughnuts weren’t a freebie - these people had actually chosen to buy them, and still went through the whole performance! You should have seen the looks I got when I walked off with a whole one without hesitation. “Wow, you’re going for a WHOLE one, Stan? Can you really manage all that after lunch? You’re braver than me; I might have a small piece later…”

I ate one of the leftover halves later too 😁

Over the years I have been watched like a hawk by female colleagues when I eat lunch in work. If I eat a salad “Are you on a diet?” If I eat crisps chocolate and sandwiches I get “you’re eating a lot- that’s too much” 🙄
I told one old bag to mind her own bloody business. Some people can be so rude and bitchy about what others eat. God knows why- I honestly couldn’t care less what anyone eats.

Publicy chiding someone for not eating enough is as bad as making a massive scene about a standard portion being too big. Neither is polite mealtime behaviour. Your SIL should leave you alone just like in the OPs case the colleagues should eat what they fancy and leave the rest without making a big deal of it.

Exactly what I had in the office where I worked. I even got repeatedly asked what clothes size I was by one woman! I knew she had issues with food, but she still shouldn’t have commented so much.

Except the second scenario has never happened - this is an exaggerated version and makes it clear quite how much projection goes on in your own head.

If a friend told another friend they don’t usually eat in the day - no chance it would be left with no follow up questions.

@Babyshowercot trust me there are people like that out there... Some of the women in my family are like this. It can be tedious. Especially as I know for a few it is an act and they will eat more once there is no one to perform for...

And what if she had mentioned that you were eating a rather large portion of food? If you are so happy and relaxed around food why would it bother you?

Well @SlimPig you wouldn't think you could make a thread about competative under eating last for 35 pages but I think you've hit a sore spot for a lot of posters! I know there are a few male anorexia sufferers but in the main this weird relationship with food is very much a female problem. I used to watch some of the men at work have a big cooked breakfast and still find room for a fish and chip lunch and none of them ever said "Oh I shouldn't".

God, Im looking at food on deliveroo from 9.30am! Although I usually have a meal deal from Tesco or food from home!

@Babyshowercot if you spent time with my MIL, you would recognise that sort of dialogue and sadly it is barely exaggerated, if at all. My MIL has a piercing voice and will merrily declaim in public about the size of portions, she could never eat that, no wonder people are so fat, are you stuffing your face again etc etc. Undereating as performance art 😁

I can’t believe this thread has reached 35 pages, a lot of which are posts from folk who have misread or misunderstood the OP and getting worked up one way or t’other about the amount of food they eat or don’t. Which ironically pretty much is the point the OP was making. Jaaaysus, I worry for humanity.

I actually find the heartening that some people think we're exaggerating. It's nice to know there are entire circles out there where this bollocks is alien.