Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

To clarify this thread was meant to be about childfree as in made a choice from Day 1. I appreciate that not everyone uses that language in the same way, and I completely take your point about the use of language. I’m also sorry for your experience.

I have no wish to offend or exclude anyone most of all anyone who has experienced infertility. And to be 100% clear I never said nor do I think that those who have suffered infertility shouldn’t use Mumsnet.

I would also ask that people stop coming into this thread to tell me what I’m entitled to comment on, or to say I shouldn’t be commenting on a thread and I could have passed it by. If this thread is not for you equally you can pass by it, your point applies to you equally. That is not addressed to the poster I’ve quoted.

Oh for the love of God.

Go back literally one page where this has been answered. Or one of the seventeen thousand threads where this has been asked and answered.

I opened it on a link on another article.
I only ever read AIBU. Many of those posts are nothing to do with parenting

I genuinely don't get why you'd want to though? When kids weren't on my radar I'd have been on a feminism board talking about feminism but wouldn't have thought to look at a board called Mumsnet. I'm genuinely interested what brought you here?

I've only been using Mumsnet for a few weeks after seeing some targeted Facebook ads but had it been called 'childfreebychoicenet' I wouldn't have joined because I'm not choldfree by choice.

Threads are reported in the media every day. People come over to read, then stay for the MIL drama.

I mean to be fair it's also 'people without children shouldn't have a thread on a non parenting site'🙄

I'm quite new, I've not been on any thread before where it was discussed, I was browsing, commented and it jumped me to the end. I'm still not sure it makes sense to me. Why not Reddit or similar for non specific discussion ?

Cuts both ways. Some parents are patronising towards child free people.

There are too many men with opinions on Reddit.

Are you asking me specifically? Because there are reasons all through the thread if you bother to read it because it's like the 6th time it's been asked, including my reasons only a very very few posts ago

But if you want to know about me very specifically

Because I didn't think i should have to deregister because I gave birth to a dead baby instead of a live one

But apparently I am not allowed to join in this conversation. The OP is now trying to exclude my voice so that only people with live children and people who never wanted children are included, which is just delightful

Funnily enough childfree people on the thread have never sought to exclude me from the conversation though, only parents

The majority of MN IS non-specific discussion. AIBU isn’t all about parenting, and neither are the style and beauty, feminism, or music forums here. Why should we all go to Reddit to discuss non-parenting topics just because we’re not parents?

If @ConfusedNT’s thorough explanation one page back didn’t make sense to you then nothing I say is going to.

I am not excluding anyone. I was responding to a specific point that said I shouldn’t be inserting myself into a thread labelled “Childless: Parents not everything is about you”. I was pointing out that childfree people use sites such as Mumsnet which I said further up the chain I have no issue with, in fact I said I have no issue with those who don’t have kids participating in conversations about parenting. My issue is with being told it is “bizzare and entitled” to assume that everyone feels the same and that I’m entitled to participate in a thread titled “childless:parents not everything is about you”.

I personally don’t care who uses Mumsnet, my point was that I don’t appreciate being told what conversations I’m allowed to participate in.

My whole point is I am not excluding anyone and equally I don’t expect to be excluded although I think that there are some sensitive situations where I would choose to exclude myself.

You seem to be missing a key point to though

People only started to ask why parents were going on a thread for childfree people after multiple posters asked why childfree posters were on mumsnet

It wasn't

Parent: I've seen this thread about childfree people

Childfree: why are you on there

It was

Parent: I've seen this thread about childfree people

Childfree: well maybe they say that because x or y

Parents: why are you on here why are you on here

Childfree: well why on earth are you on there then?

I am not trying to exclude you from any conversation.

What I asked was that people please stop saying I am not entitled to comment on a thread titled “parents not everything is about you”. That is all.

Im sorry that this thread is upsetting you that was never my intention.

Anyway, this is why I joined MN. This thread is one of my favourite things online. It’s absolutely hilarious and I found it when I was waiting to find out if I had cancer (on top of losing my uterus and ovaries) in my early 30s. It was the first thing that’d made me laugh in weeks and I laughed until I cried.

It also has nothing to do with parents or parenting.

MN is full of funny, smart women and I love it here, except for the hall monitor mums who repeatedly try to clear people like me out.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3178898-DH-embarrassed-by-my-sensitivity

Fair enough but I wasn’t one of those people. I was specifically responding to a point that said it was “bizarre and entitled” to comment on a thread labelled “not everything is about you”.

For record I don’t care who uses Mumsnet, I’m not a regular myself.

Mumsnet isn’t a secret to anyone not in the parenting club. It’s a huge website that is even a political force, and routinely appears in media. The owner of the site has also stated, more than once, that despite it’s name it isn’t just for mums, or indeed just for parents.

It is probably the biggest UK based forum that is made up of predominantly women that talk about anything and everything under the sun. It doesn’t take much in the way of imagination to understand why people come here regardless of whether they’re parents or not 🤷🏻‍♀️

Who said you can't participate in that thread?

All that's been seen said is it's ridiculous to get upset about what you read on it when you knew you were going to read stuff about people being happily childfree.

My point which you have missed is that I don’t know why a childfree person i.e. someone who doesn’t want children would go to a site called Mumsnet.

Google brought most of us here via certain topics. Many if us stayed.
I personally keep away from parenting topics. But sorry, not sorry, no one will tell me I can't join "is this food ok???"

At any given time, most threads on first page of AIBU have nothing to do with kids.

There are great thread in money etc.

Start discussing ONLY parent related stuff and we will happily bugger off.
So will the ad revenue tho

I’m here because it was recommended to me. As @fitzwilliamdarcy said it’s full of funny smart women, and interesting discussions that have nothing to do with parenting. I was originally not childfree by choice and it has revealed the downsides of parenting to me in a way nothing else really has and helped me appreciate what I do have.

Oh that thread was epic

And I agree I love the community of smart funny women on here, the ones who have educated me on feminism, the ones who put in time and effort to help abused women out of relationships, the ones who reassure women that it wasn't their fault they were raped etc.You see the highs and lows of womanhood on this forum and its both glorious and petty and amazing.

Except of course for the obligatory 'you shouldn't be here' posts every few months (days sometimes)

The poster who I was responding to said it was “bizarre and entitled” of me to expect to just because I’ve decided I’m ok with those who don’t have children participating in parenting threads.

Ranting about parents being entitled is not the same as being happily childfree which was the point of my very first point.

As I have said I have kids, I also have a job, a partner, a mother, friends. And I do not expect those without children for whatever reason to give up seats etc. And yes I do get a bit annoyed when I see mass generalisation like “parents not everything is about you” because I don’t act like that. And I started a thread about it. The same as people start threads about things everyday. But for some reason feel the need to say you should have just passed on by and not commented/not be having this conversation.

And, thing is, many of us self-select well already. I don’t use the parenting board, or the feminism board, because one is clearly irrelevant to me and the other I associated with being GC and I don’t like that. I get by without inserting myself into conversations that are inappropriate.

I've been on here over 10 years. I first got here searching Google for a recipe, then when I was on the page the AIBU? Trending posts were at the side of the page and caught my eye. I ended up reading a couple of parking threads and got hooked.

I very rarely read a thread which having children has helped me answer, mainly because I stay away from the general parenting threads as they are either boring or relate to a topic in parenting I know nothing about, like teens etc, mine are still very small.

I've been here since before pom bears and penis beaker, there was a time when I learnt so much from the feminist board

I feel like I used to get asked a lot less why I was here as well but that could be rose tinted glasses about the good old days