Childfree people ranting about parents

[the7Vabo]

Came across a thread on another site full of people ranting about children entitled “parents not everything is about you.” I get it to a point, as a parent I think society has become somewhat a overly child-centred. I assume however that the odd stories you see about parents demanding people give up train seats for ten year olds are just that, the odd story of unreasonable behaviour that people in all groups can be guilty of.

The extent of the comments on that thread baffled me. Full of I’m so glad I don’t have children because X, Y. It’s one thing to want to be child free which to me is a perfectly valid life choice, but I’m baffled by the level of bitching about parents & children. If someone wants to be child free why can’t they simply be child free & accept that others didn’t make that choice instead of ranting about how parents are always on at them about how fulfilled they are while at the same time ranting about how terrible it would be to have kids.

I don't know whether I could have had children because I never had any desire to put my fertility to the test. Posters like that one are best ignored because they are either on a windup or they genuinely have no comprehension of why other people don't make the same choices as them. And that comes from a place of ignorance.

Was this thread on a Childfree site or forum specifically?

@KimberleyClark I wouldn’t think it was smug at all, I know the benefits as I was child free before I had them! I can remember holidays sans whinging and proper lie ins 😭. Anyway I have two kids, I have friends who don’t have any. For me the issue is more from people who think children are generally a nuisance and shouldn’t really exist in public places ever. I think it’s often not even childfree people, but older people who think their children were better behaved than all of today’s children (presumably because of their vastly superior parenting skills).

It’s totally valid to not want children.. I think it might become the norm for my children’s generation.

It goes both ways. I've deleted people on facebook who are anti children and make ridiculous and annoying comments about parents and children but I've also deleted the parents who are all, "oooh, no one can possibly understand love until they've had a child" or "without children live is so empty".

Both are equally annoying. Luckily, both are in the minority.

This is why they create threads ranting about us you know, smug self satisfied comments like this.

All my Childfree friends are Childfree by choice and very happy that way, nothing to do with infertility. Two of them were voluntarily sterilised.

You don't have to be a parent to be happy in life, please try and broaden your mind a little bit.

I don't care if you have kids or not.
I might be jealous of the freedoms and money those without kids have.
I might be annoyed by those who tell me it is selfish to have children and remind them that it will be my children helping to look after them in old age because they don't have any that can contribute to society.
I might also roll my eyes at those who have no experience of having children, thinking that they do and giving opinions/advice from a place of ignorance.

I've found that people are often hostile to those with children nowadays, sadly.
People don't make allowances for kids and parents.
There's a certain selfish mindset that just doesn't appreciate how important parenting is for society.

Some people think their pets are more important than children. Utterly selfish!

This post amply demonstrates common attitudes to childfree people (esp women). Whether they’re childfree by choice, infertility or other reasons, it’s difficult to escape the attitude that they are somehow deficient and to be viewed with suspicion.

Small wonder that the childfree feel the need to offload sometimes with others in the same situation. Except that they can’t even do that without someone like @the7Vabo starting a thread on a parenting website about how awful they are and how she doesn’t understand them.

Maybe they can't have children for whatever reason or haven't met the right person/can't afford to, suffered a childhood trauma and can't relive it or maybe they have lost a child or suffered mc.
Sometimes people don't necessarily choose to be child free but accept that's their life, sometimes not, maybe they find it hard to see families or feel they don't have the privileges of someone with dc and feel it's unfair or perhaps regret not having a child when they had the chance.
Everybody's life is different and you never know why someone is child free so it's best to leave people to their own lives, which they may or may not have chosen.

Absolutely I agree it goes both ways I guess sometimes Im baffled by how little self awareness people have. I don’t think parents should expect their children to be prioritised or allow their children to infringe on others, but I also don’t think it’s reasonable to never expect children to act like children in a public place.

On the flip side, people without children aren't any less important.

I'm childfree by choice and never had any sort of hatred directed at me. It's never really come up. I find the need of some parents to make their children the centre of everyone's universe irritating. I don't hate parents, I don't care who chooses to have them or who doesn't.

Online I find people tend to use “childfree” for choice and “childless” when they wanted kids but didn’t have them for whatever reason.

I would never say anything either in person or online to a childless person because to me their grief means they are entitled to a few demands & to act in a way that at times might seem unreasonable.

Being childfree is not always a choice for many people. Adoption might not be suitable for a range of reasons.

It doesn't follow they are not able to express an opinion should they choose to do so about parenting /society related issues.

I wish there was a like button.

Some people are just entitled dickheads, either with or without children!

All this judgement and insults to childfree people doesn't really tally with the facts and statistics that are the falling birth rate and demographic time bomb, particularly in Northern Europe but also globally. It is not exactly rare for people to choose not to have children now, maybe it is area specific. Anecdotally, my DH is the only one in his team of five aged between 24 and 48 in his Architects' office in London that has children. Five out of 21 in the two offices combined have children. My parents are divorced but my Dad amongst his friends is one of 2 out of 5 that are currently Grandads. Out of my Mum's friends more of them are grandmothers so 4/6 but she is in the midlands my Dad is in London.

I think a lot of the time it is because of the attitude that people must make allowances for other people's lifestyle choices. It's especially irritating if you have purposely chosen to not have children of your own, but are then expected to tolerate/accommodate them anyway.

OK, first, what 'other site'? Places such as 'R/Childfree' are notoriously horrendous and should be avoided.

Also, as with everything online, you don't know anything about the people posting. They could be 17 years old and just trying to get a rise out of strangers.

BUT I would like to say that, as a childfree person, you do have to listen to some INSANE shit!

Most people are lovely, and I'm one of those childfree types who keeps a low profile and doesn't ever bring up my childfree status in real life (even my own parents don't know if I'm childfree, infertile or trying/planning for a baby, as we've never discussed it). But every now and then I hear something that stops me in my tracks!

My SIL is currently pregnant and I was recently sharing some niceties about it with my MIL. She beamed at me - eyes glistening - and said "When I was pregnant, my uncle said 'You must be so happy. Now you're having a baby, you're complete'". She honestly didn't mean to cause offense when she said this - she's so utterly bonkers, it wouldn't occur to her that this might be hurtful. But can you imagine having this sort of thing said to you!? No wonder childfree people feel the need to occassionally let off steam online!

I've been called a pedophile and told I must be grooming children because I have toys in the house for my nephew and nieces. I've been told it's only okay for grandparents and aunties and uncles with children to have toys in the house and for me to have them is just wierd

I've had my motives questioned for volunteering as a guide or scout leader (I've done both)

I've been told my medical needs should be a lower priority than a parents automatically regardless of the age of their children because I am deemed a 'lesser valued' person

I've been told that no matter what I achieve - a cure for cancer, a Nobel peace prize, I will never achieve the same level of success as someone who has had children

I've been told I don't know what real love it

I've been told I should never have time off around Christmas or the school holidays for the entirety of my adult working life (but if there were no more scout or guide camps because not enough leaders could get holiday then I'm pretty sure some parents would start complaining)

All the above has happened on MN, with tiny bits of bitchiness in real life

Meanwhile on TV the only real portrayals of childless women are bitches, women who eventually have children, or women who abduct babies

I actually think there is an intolerance and lack of understanding about the demands on parents, particularly if you work somewhere where not many people have had/have children.

I only noticed parents-childfree people wars online. Nobody gives a toss in real life.

I'm glad I don't know any of these arseholes in real life.
I do know them second hand, however. I was with my two oldest friends a few weeks after DS3 was born, both happily childfree, both recently married, both with overstepping MILs harping on and on about when they would be producing grandchildren for them. They were cuddling and cooing over my newborn and sharing the latest outrageous nonsense from their respective MILs.
My friends love to see my kids, have a cuddle, be the fun aunties etc but they feel the same way I feel about their cat and dog - like other peoples in short bursts, happy not to have to deal with their own full time.
I hate that their choice can't just be accepted by their families. It's so disrespectful.

And before anyone asks why us childfree people are here!....
This is the only space on the internet aimed at adult women, with a mainly British readership.
I dearly wish there was a 'Womansnet' that i could frequent instead.